Precipice of Revelation

Another experimentation with style, doing something different than my norm...

The fragile, furtive, fleeting feelings of my heart

        Are like a creek.

Whose waters thin,

                         run ever deep.

 

Through cracks, splitting asunder with a blunder

        At the fault

Where my grounds are shaken,

                      Forming a precarious

          yet potent…

                                                            precipice,

-of revelation.

 

There is the existent essence within that creek,

        With waters weak,

Of many minnow,

-as if it were a churning sea.

        And that shaking of my faults,

                opened chasms deep in me.

   An opened vault,

                        -that set more free.

Author's Note

Experimenting with the placement of words and the use of alliteration within a poem and once again trying new styles. Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Southern Cross]

The placement of the words in this reminds me of the rivers and the rocks as the water flows down them jumping here and there.. trickling down the stream

[MachinaWriter]

Poetry twin powers activate lol sorry, but once again you connect into not only the poem, but my intentions in the poem, as if you were writing it lol Its why I value your reviews so much.

[Hester Vane]

Your experimentations work very very well! Its a new style but i can still tell its one of your poems. Full of emotion and heart.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ I've been trying to work around a lot and broaden my brush, so to speak.

[Kelsey]

I got a giggle out of the fact that you're trying all of the things I keep telling myself to try, but am too lazy to do. Once again, you do an amazing job in every style and experiment you try, so, as always, I'm insanely impressed. I think a lot of people make the mistake when writing like this of placing the words in all the wrong spots, emphasizing all the wrong things. I feel you hit the nail right on the head, as you do with every other piece of yours. I was incredibly impressed, being familiar with your work and reading this. You never cease to amaze me, my friend. I look forward to any experiments of yours that are yet to come. x

[MachinaWriter]

Yeah, I felt like the placement was the most important part and something we shouldn't get wrong in this kind of style. So I thought on that quite a bit, more than the words themselves lol It was definitely fun. I've been reading a lot of e.e.cummings lately, so that was part of the inspiration. I felt that the placement of the words should represent the movement of the message and tone. I'm glad you enjoyed it ^^