Silent Secret Seas

Would love to get some good criticism on this piece, since its in a style I'm not used to.

A deep churning, yearning lack of control

Within the crimson-cast seas of my soul

Upon which reverent winds blow

My thoughts like a boat

-away from seaside homes.

 

I seek a remembrance of things I have lost

A finding of things I have sought

But I find a reminding of my silent secret’s cost

From which, with fake memories I have bought

-a temporary respite.

Which despite the height of my anguish

Offers veiled nights of comfort

-in the star strewn heavens of a dim wish.

 

I seek guidance in this sea of solemnity,

-with silent storms made from the sin in me.

These wishful stars keep me distant,

-offering guidance for but a brief instant.

 

There’s a turning of the burning coals

Inside the fire fueled furnace of my soul.

Forged by the flames of Hephaestus,

-offering knowledge, if I can face this.

 

I have always known this,

-as did Menelaus,

That the truth of man,

-that we all miss

Is that we must sacrifice to feel respite,

-from our lifelong travels, our daily fights,

-against ourselves.

And to truly know that wishful wealth,

We must offer free our secrets, left silent

Which from within our hearts,

-create storms violent,   violent,          violent.

Author's Note

Was trying some new things in this poem. A lot of it was very subconscious, and yet I've been wanting to try some new styles lately to play around a little bit. This is what ended up coming out when I lifted my hand from the keyboard.

Reviews

[Southern Cross]

As I was reading I was transported in time to the classics and writings I had read in Humanities class... Reminiscent of Homer in the lliad and then the reference to Menelaus brought it home. Brilliant in style wish I was capable of classic poetry. Perhaps this was the summation and the stanza that tore at my soul ,"And to truly know that wishful wealth,
We must offer free our secrets, left silent
Which from within our hearts,
-create storms violent, violent, violent.

[MachinaWriter]

You have no idea how happy you you just made me simply by understanding the Menelaus reference. xD I'm glad you liked it and that stanza was very important to me. I think, my other favorite stanza (if I'm even allowed to have favorite stanzas in my own poem xD), was the one that said "I seek guidance in this sea of solemnity / -with silent storms made from the sin in me". Anyways, I'm glad you liked this poem. I always love seeing your views on my poetry, it really means a lot. And I mean that.

[Melody Telleria]

Oh my goodness, I am in awe of this poem. Where do I begin to describe the way it tugs at the soul and really transports me to the dark and vast feeling so beautifully exemplified.
"
I seek a remembrance of things I have lost
A finding of things I have sought
But I find a reminding of my silent secret’s cost
From which, with fake memories I have bought
-a temporary respite."
My favorite stanza, I feel like that's my mind.

[MachinaWriter]

That's perhaps the best comment a person could ever ask for. I want to know that people connect to the poem, and to hear you say that part feels like its your mind, implies a deep connection that I'm very humbled to have been allowed to create. Thank you for that.

[Kelsey]

"I seek guidance in this sea of solemnity,
-with silent storms made from the sin in me.
These wishful stars keep me distant,
-offering guidance for but a brief instant."

Oh wow. Where do I begin? First of all, that stanza really stood out to me. I see that you do nothing half heartedly, as it shows through your work. One would never guess that this was out of your style by reading this piece, for it's beautiful in so many ways. The picture you painted is a stunning one, the words you used blew me away, and the way you put it all together, why, that's just the cherry on top. Every time I read something of yours, I say something along the lines of "I never tire of reading your work," and I sure mean it. Being able to play with so many styles of poetry is a gift, and one that you clearly have. Keep it up, lovely, and I look forward to your next piece. x

[MachinaWriter]

Wow, thank you ^^ That really means a lot. I've been wanting to experiment a lot lately. Break out of my shell and discover things. I think my desire came when I read this little, itty bitty book called "poemcrazy" by Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge. A great book that really inspires you to write, I definitely recommend looking it up.

As always, I really appreciate your reviews. Its great to have someone you know will take a look at your work and really, honestly feel it. ^^

[RachelReaper]

Let me start off by saying, the imagery was outstanding, your word choice had your signature all over it, and it was amusing, captivating, and held real meaning. E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T

[MachinaWriter]

I have a signature? Didn't know that lol Thanks, I'm glad you liked it ^^

[RachelReaper]

yes, its woven in your writing

[MachinaWriter]

Hmm...woven. I like that word. Sorry, random xD But that's good, I'm glad.