Most of these poems I've put up here already, but now I'm ordering them so that they make a chronological line through my life. I'll be writing a few new poems to bridge some of the gaps left from what I've already written.
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it's a very bleak subject that you're dealing with, I like that you're taking readers to that world... the thing it might be missing is possibly the melancholic observations that differentiates between the poems and is able to connect with every reader... for example I really like that title she kisses me softly, and it's a great ending... you could focus on what on a human level made you just suddenly stop.. what's the lead up, maybe cut the lines about your actions and add lines about why you couldn't live like that. I would like to see you say more about the human aspect than the physical aspect, if there are ironies, truths we wouldn't normally see....
That's a very good point. As always, you add valuable insight into my work and I appreciate it. I've.. read moreThat's a very good point. As always, you add valuable insight into my work and I appreciate it. I've been so focused on getting the story out, I haven't really taken the time needed to write about the thoughts. The things that went through my mind and affected my soul during those times. To write not just a story, but an observation on the human condition. I guess analyzing my own life in that way through poetry hadn't occurred to me until now, and its a great idea. I've had years of time, where I lived purely in my own thoughts, a ghost to the world around me, it would make sense to write what I actually learned from all this.
12 Years Ago
yes you could add that into one of the poems and see how it reads, you already have very good progre.. read moreyes you could add that into one of the poems and see how it reads, you already have very good progression from piece to piece, wouldn't have to change the order or the premise of the piece.
12 Years Ago
I'll work on that. I believe I'll try to make it more contemplative as it gets further along. That's.. read moreI'll work on that. I believe I'll try to make it more contemplative as it gets further along. That's the way it was in my life. Eventually moving from reacting, to getting caught up in asking myself the questions I'd ran from for a while. Thank you again, as always.
it's a very bleak subject that you're dealing with, I like that you're taking readers to that world... the thing it might be missing is possibly the melancholic observations that differentiates between the poems and is able to connect with every reader... for example I really like that title she kisses me softly, and it's a great ending... you could focus on what on a human level made you just suddenly stop.. what's the lead up, maybe cut the lines about your actions and add lines about why you couldn't live like that. I would like to see you say more about the human aspect than the physical aspect, if there are ironies, truths we wouldn't normally see....
That's a very good point. As always, you add valuable insight into my work and I appreciate it. I've.. read moreThat's a very good point. As always, you add valuable insight into my work and I appreciate it. I've been so focused on getting the story out, I haven't really taken the time needed to write about the thoughts. The things that went through my mind and affected my soul during those times. To write not just a story, but an observation on the human condition. I guess analyzing my own life in that way through poetry hadn't occurred to me until now, and its a great idea. I've had years of time, where I lived purely in my own thoughts, a ghost to the world around me, it would make sense to write what I actually learned from all this.
12 Years Ago
yes you could add that into one of the poems and see how it reads, you already have very good progre.. read moreyes you could add that into one of the poems and see how it reads, you already have very good progression from piece to piece, wouldn't have to change the order or the premise of the piece.
12 Years Ago
I'll work on that. I believe I'll try to make it more contemplative as it gets further along. That's.. read moreI'll work on that. I believe I'll try to make it more contemplative as it gets further along. That's the way it was in my life. Eventually moving from reacting, to getting caught up in asking myself the questions I'd ran from for a while. Thank you again, as always.
Wow, what a touching and emotional story. I just finished reading the entire story.
I thought it was a good one, though it literally made me cry a couple of times.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Yeah, I've cried more than once because of the things I had to go through, so I'm glad I managed to .. read moreYeah, I've cried more than once because of the things I had to go through, so I'm glad I managed to express those feelings well enough. Thank you for reading this.
My original passion has always been in writing stories. Most of them were fantasy stories, because I always wanted to escape. That's what it was. An escape from the troubles of life. Joining this site.. more..