Because I Have You Here

A new poem that I hope to get some feedback and criticism on, so give it a look and tell me what you think ^^

Fingertips dance across my lips

Pulling out a prayer

I need you love, I believe love

More than I can conceive of

I see it in every stare

 

You cast my way with loving eyes

Where it’s true, our soul resides

And the soul it never lies

 

So I’ll hold you close

The girl I chose, before time slips us by

With the passing of every year

But I’ll be fine, because through that time

I will have you here

 

In this motel room, you’ll be waking soon

-I’ve been up for a while

Just to see, when you wake to me

Your lips form a smile

 

Because despite the world, this amazing girl

She wakes to every day

With a ray of hope, that won’t revoke

From her heart in any way

 

But as the days wear on, it tests that smile

Telling us it’ll be a while

Before we find our place

The world is cruel, to darken this jewel

That’s the smile on your face

 

But no matter what, the world has brought

To come crashing around our ears

While you’re mine, I’ll say it’s fine

Because I have you here

 

And while the world may storm,

And tornados form,

-everywhere we step

I’ll hold you close, the girl I chose

And keep you from getting wet

 

And as you wake, I see your face

Smile up at me

I kiss your lips, and whisper this:

“Today will change, you’ll see.”

 

And I know its true, I’ve seen in you

There’s nothing left to fear

From this world, my beautiful girl

Because I have you here

Author's Note

Typed up a new one, dedicated to the love of my life, who has endured so much and has the strongest heart I know. Let me know what you think, constructive criticism is always welcome, so let me know.

Reviews

[Southern Cross]

"And while the world may storm,
And tornados form,
-everywhere we step
I’ll hold you close, the girl I chose
And keep you from getting wet"...Every girl wants that "hero" the one to keep her safe and warm..and sees value in life simply because she is in it..Tender thoughts here even in the struggle

[MachinaWriter]

And ironically, I just want to be that for someone. I seek that love with almost everyone I care about in life. Maybe I love too much. But I'd rather love too much, than not at all. After all, what kind of life would that be? its the difference between surviving and living.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

Aww, what a sweet tribute to your love. Beautiful.

[Hester Vane]

The love of your life is a very lucky lady to have someone write so beautifully about her. This poem melted my heart. Great Work. Its nice to know that love like this exists. Well done.

[Cole Hayley]

Really well written. Seriosuly a great job, I couldn't pick out any flaws at all.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it ^^

[b.platte]

wonderful poem as always!

You're love is very beautiful and you've portrayed it so.

Great job.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you so much. I appreciate your review, as always. :)

[Sarah W. French]

Its good very good.
"I need you love" ...you should be your?
That's the only thing I caught. Then again i'm not the best speller so i may be wrong

[MachinaWriter]

lol, I meant to spell that as "luv". I call her that all the time. So its "I need you, luv." As in a name or title. But if it wasn't that, then you'd definitely be right.

[Sarah W. French]

ah. That makes scents. And thank you for putting up with my spell checking. I'm trying to get better with my spelling and this seems to be helping.

[MachinaWriter]

lol no problem. And in that case its "sense" not scents. The second one refers to smells or aromas.

[Sarah W. French]

thanks so much...no one ever bothers to correct that one.

[MachinaWriter]

lol I usually wouldn't have but you said you were trying to get better at spelling so I figured I may as well xD

[Belinda]

Wonderful. Amazing. Its perfect. I wouldnt change a thing.

[Apatheia]

Awwww. Your fiance must love you to death. This is beautiful dear.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ She does. And I her, always and forever.

[Kelsey]

This is, once again, truly beautiul. The love you have for your fiance is something that's hard to come by anymore. The poetry you write for and about her is some of the most touching poetry I've ever read. Girls can only hope that one day they find a man that will write them poems even half as beautiful as the ones you write.

[MachinaWriter]

I write her a poem every day. And every night before we go to bed I tell her three things I love about her that I've never told her before. I've done this every day for about six months now and I've never repeated the same three things, always finding something new about her that I love. I don't want her to ever doubt the way I feel about her. She's had so much heartache and pain and sadness in her life, I want her to know I love her and will never make her feel that way. Not to say we don't have disagreements. Every relationship has those. If you don't disagree about things here and there, then someone is lying and that will eventually make them unhappy. But we work through disagreements and that's what matters.

[Kelsey]

That's so amazing. You're seriously such a good hearted person, I wish there were more people in the world with your attitude and outlook. You truly are an inspiration, I hope you know that.

[MachinaWriter]

That's kind of you. Thank you. I wasn't always this way. Honestly. A few years back I was a horrible person. I was just...mean. To everyone around me. I was angry at the world, angry at myself, angry at everything. I'd been dealt a bad hand way too many times and I took it out on all the people close to me. It took me a while, and a lot of really bad, horrible nights, to decide that I needed to make a change. If I wanted my life to be less miserable, I needed to change myself first. Which is really hard. It wasn't easy for me. Even though I wanted to change, it was easier said than done. I thank the military, honestly, for helping shape me up. Of course, I had to want to make that change for the military to be able to do that. It doesn't work for everyone. I made the decision I don't ever want to be that kind of person again. Its a daily struggle. But I'm happier now than I ever was before. Getting off the bottle was a big part of that change, too lol

[Kelsey]

I'm just glad you did it when you did, because you have so many years ahead of you that could've been ruined by that. I can't imagine it's easy, I've seen what my dad went through. He was depending on alcohol to live, not only physically, but mentally. Then after another trip to jail and me disowning him, he just, stopped. He did a lot of bad things to a lot of good people, but one day he just quit, and now it's almost been two years. Today's a year and nine months, I believe. I know what you mean when you say you weren't always this way, because it took a long time for me to even get to know my dad. I always knew him as a drunken jerk who cared about nothing in the world half as much as he cared about his beer. But when he got sober, I didn't even know how to react. I didn't want to believe it, really. I just told myself "he'll drink again, don't get your hopes up." But eventually I got to know him for who he is under all the alcohol. I've known a lot of alcoholics, and I swear to you, they're some of the best people I know, if not the best. I've known a lot of people on drugs, too; it seems everyone I meet with those problems is someone worth the world and a half when they're sober. It's just sad that those things ruin a person.

[MachinaWriter]

It starts off so small. You think you can control it. Its fun. Especially when it comes to drugs. Its the fun of it that draws you in to that. Alcohol you usually fall into because you're trying not to feel. But it can be the same for both. I had a problem with Vicodin and Norcos for the longest time. And after a while, you physically need those things. It hurts when you don't have it. Its hard for a lot of people to believe. Many think that's an excuse, but its true. Its the worst kind of pain in the world. Your stomach twisting up inside of you in a knot of constant pain, you sweat, you feel like you're skin just wants to burn off and yet you're shivering the entire time, you shake uncontrollably. Its horrible. And you can't sleep. At all. So eventually you start doing it so you don't get sick, because the withdrawals are that bad. Its not about the fun anymore, its about keeping yourself from that horrible feeling. I don't recommend it for anyone. lol Trust me, I'm telling you. And I won't lie, there's rarely a day that goes by that I don't still think about doing it. Just for a day, it won't hurt. And I'm three years clean and sober in a few months and it still finds its way into my thoughts.

[Kelsey]

I know what you mean, I've seen a lot of people detox and it's not a pretty thing. I grew up around that kind of stuff, so I know more than enough to know I'm not interested. My escapes are a bit silly and small, but all I can figure is I'm not hurting anyone with them, and that's what matters to me. It takes an incredibly strong person to overcome that, though, so it really says something about you. I can imagine it's a daily struggle, so I admire you for conquering it.

[MachinaWriter]

Those small escapes may not hurt other people, but they shouldn't hurt or make you sad, either. My drinking wasn't hurting other people in the beginning. But it grows. It made me upset, it made me depressed, it made me angry. And eventually, no matter how well you hide it, those feelings and those scars affect those that care about you. It sounds selfish at first, but you have to focus on yourself. You have to put all your energy into making yourself happy. Because when you truly become happy, those feelings wear off on the people around you and make them happy, too.