Half-life

A poem about addiction...

It's four in the morning

The neon clock flashes its warning

Stop now!

But I'm having trouble forming

The strength

It breaks

Pop a few pills and I try to wait

For the bottle to sink-

-In with the bitter taste

My head spins- another aspirin

NyQuil- but I can't still

This ceaseless weakness

And I still feel

The rising pain, the memory

I push them back, no more clarity

I can't stand this place, don't stare at me

But I see your face, and I'm begging please

Just one more night...

Leave me be.

I turn to the night stand

The pain pills are scattered

Mixed around like my now shattered-

-mind- but it doesn't matter.

What does? What can?

The bottles half-empty,

I'm but half a man.

Reviews

[Kelsey]

This is so touching, it really made me feel. I've tried to OD on pills before, and I remember feeling this way, feeling like nothing, feeling like waking up in the morning would be a curse, and feeling like I wasn't worth all the trouble. This is relatable and powerful, just like your other writing. Keep them coming, you're my favorite writer on here.

[MachinaWriter]

Life can be very difficult. And moments like these are the hardest. But eventually I made the decision to stop feeling like I wasn't worth it and start working to "make" myself worth it. Thank you again for the comment.

[Ees]

This poem really drew me in instantly. I read it really fast, almost manic-like because to me that was the way the words came tumbling. Now that I think about it that seems like an odd result based on the content of the poem, what with the pain pills. Though, I remember feeling like I was talking a a million miles an hour when I popped a few pills, I just probably wasn't. haha. Anyway I think that this poem is very well written. I was left wanting to know more about the face that was mentioned. I wonder if you might want to include a few descriptive lines there?

There seemed to be something wrong with the flow in this part:
"My head spins- another aspirin
NyQuil- but I can't still
This ceaseless weakness
And I still feel"

I am just not sure what it was, it could just be me, but to be sure it reads the way that you wanted it too I think that you should read that out loud a few times to yourself.

I love the last two lines a lot.
Overall I think this was a great poem and it made me believe that it was late at night and that you were certainly on your way to some sort of mind-numbing destruction.

Good job!
Have fun,
Erin

[Ees]

This poem really drew me in instantly. I read it really fast, almost manic-like because to me that was the way the words came tumbling. Now that I think about it that seems like an odd result based on the content of the poem, what with the pain pills. Though, I remember feeling like I was talking a a million miles an hour when I popped a few pills, I just probably wasn't. haha. Anyway I think that this poem is very well written. I was left wanting to know more about the face that was mentioned. I wonder if you might want to include a few descriptive lines there?

There seemed to be something wrong with the flow in this part:
"My head spins- another aspirin
NyQuil- but I can't still
This ceaseless weakness
And I still feel"

I am just not sure what it was, it could just be me, but to be sure it reads the way that you wanted it too I think that you should read that out loud a few times to yourself.

I love the last two lines a lot.
Overall I think this was a great poem and it made me believe that it was late at night and that you were certainly on your way to some sort of mind-numbing destruction.

Good job!
Have fun,
Erin

[MachinaWriter]

This is part of a compilation, A Tragic Story, which can be found as a novel here on this site. The face is more clearly understood when you read it in context with the others. I deliberately didn't put detail in it, because my whole point in this part of my life was to try and not remember the face. And the flow on that part is my attempt to break the rhythm. The act of taking the pills being, in a sense, a breaking of myself. Short, in spurts, sporadic, unclear, broken. Like the mind of the person writing it. I'd love for you to read the whole compilation, which is in a sense an autobiography in the form of poetry. Its posted as a book with each chapter being a new poem. Once again, thank you for reading it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[MissEpic2902]

wow!! this is amazing!!!!

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ I have plenty of other poems, feel free to look them through and let me know what you think.

[MissEpic2902]

Don't worry lol as we speak I'm doing just that and I must say I am extremely impressed and awed by all of the emotion I'm finding in everyone!!

[MachinaWriter]

lol Thank you. They're some pretty emotional pieces. People have reacted well to them, which I'm glad.

[MissEpic2902]

I can tell!

[Sarah W. French]

The imaginary in this is amazing. Again another great poem

[MachinaWriter]

I'm glad you enjoyed it

[Dream Weaver]

The struggle with ones self worth is only
human, to conquer what makes us half of
what is the whole we should be is the
addiction. Nice work....

[MachinaWriter]

thank you ^^

[MachinaWriter]

And very well said.

[Circe]

there was a smothering powerlessness in this, hope you don't have to feel like this again, sounds truly terrible this form of escape, please stay strong, there so much to look forward to in your tender, budding life.

[MachinaWriter]

This was from an especially dark period in my life. But I haven't really been this way in a long time. Its been three years now. Thank you for reading it and for your words of encouragement.

[Circe]

I'm glad you are no longer in that place, you painted such a realistic picture of your experience which was quite affecting, self destruction in young people is so sad, you had the strength to overcome these times, it's quite a testament to your resilience and all that you are going to achieve.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you. I've been working on a book that's a collection of short stories and poems about addiction and depression and overcoming it. So I try my best to paint these pictures well, so that when people who are still going through it read them, they'll be able to relate and understand and gain a message through it.

[b.platte]

This was a powerful piece.

I love how you broke things up, it added an effect that really put everything into perspective.

Sucks needing meds to fill a void. But it is great inspiration for writing.

[MachinaWriter]

Its something I struggled with a long time ago, but I've been free of for about three years now. The memory is still with me, though, and an inspiration for a lot of the things I write. Thanks for reading ^^

[b.platte]

I'm glad you got through it. That takes all sorts of strength. Congrats.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^

[Sirius King]

you tell a great story, painful but real... im a fan

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you :) That really means a lot, considering how much I enjoy your work.

[Apatheia]

I really truly enjoyed this. It was easy to read with a lot of meaning behind it. I like how you mention the time and the steps before you get to the point it did in it. I'm glad my story inspired you to write this. :) I can't wait to see more.

[MachinaWriter]

That story was powerful and it rang so true with me I had to do something. Thanks for the comments. ^^