Chapter Two- The City

Aeryn arrives in Euromeian, the capitol city of Caldea where he meets his Aunt for the first time...

The trip had been peaceful. There's something different about seeing the same green fields and hills when you're rolling by on a train. Aeryn spent the first hour of the trip just staring out as the landscapes passed by. Occasionally he'd see a farmer tilling his fields and he'd smile as they waved at the passing train. But soon the sunlight began to fade and the lanterns were turned on to light up the ever darkening cabins. 
           

                He'd spent the last few hours scribbling in his little pocketbook.

Occasionally he'd look up from the notebook when his traveling companion let out a snore. True to his word, the red haired youth had slept for the entire trip. The slightly older boy, after rudely plopping himself down in the seat across from him, had fallen asleep without even introducing himself and was currently laid back with his feet on the table, his mouth hung open.  Aeryn was still scratching at his notepad with a pen. That is, until a little cough made him look up. 
            Standing across from him, head tilted in a curious manner, was a little girl. She couldn't have been much older then nine, with cute little brown curls tied up with a green bow. He didn't say anything, waiting for the girl to say something. She slowly tilted her head to the opposite side. He did the same. She leaned forward. He did the same. The little girl let out a giggle, before staring at the little red book in his hand. Aeryn grinned.
           

"Wanna look?" She nodded her head vigorously and he scooted to the side, holding the book out so she could see it. On it was a perfect ink sketch of the sleeping kid across from him, his mouth open a bit. The little girl giggled. "How would you like if I drew you something?" He asked, leaning forward so he was eye level with her.

She nodded her head and he smiled, leaning back and bringing the notebook close to him so she couldn't see. His pen instantly began scratching away at the paper. The little girl tried to move behind him so she could get a look, but he simply turned, hiding it from her. It didn't take long before he was done. He tore the page out, folding it up and handing it to her. 
           

"Go on. Take it." She looked at it for a moment before grabbing it. "Its alright, open it." She looked at the folded piece of paper. Slowly she unfolded the page. Right away, her face lit up with a smile. It was a simple little sketch of a dragonfly and a flower, the type you'd see all the time back home in the country. Her face lit up and he gave a small laugh. "You like it?" 
           

She nodded her head fervently. Suddenly she coughed slightly, the little sound of a wheeze in her throat, followed by a slightly worse cough. 
           

"Lacie? Lacie! There you are..." A young woman, no older then her late twenties, came from the cabin behind his, grabbing the little girl's hand. "Don't wander off like that, you scared me." 
            "Mommy, look what the stranger drew me. He said I could have it." She held out the picture to her mom, who looked at it with a smile. A smile she turned to Aeryn with a nod. 
           

"Thank you. She doesn't usually take well to strangers. I'm sorry if she bothered you...or your friend." The mother said, looking at the sleeping red head. Aeryn beamed, rubbing the back of his neck.

            "It was no problem. She had a bit of a cough though, is she sick?" The woman's expression lost its smile for a slight moment, before it returned as she looked down at her daughter. The little girl was still staring at the drawing. 
           

"Its just allergies, that's all. She's not used to the country." Aeryn nodded, though he had a feeling that she wasn't telling him the whole truth. The woman gave him one last little smile before pulling lightly on the little girl's hand. "Come on Lacie. We're almost home now." 
           

"Look mommy, there it is..." The little girl said, pointing. Aeryn spun around, looking out the window. His heart stopped. This...this was what it felt like to have your breath taken away. 
           

"Euromeian." Aeryn had only ever seen pictures of the country's capitol. His teacher had placed them on the board when they were learning geography. He remembered looking at those pictures every day and thinking what it would be like to live in a city that big. But none of those pictures had allowed him to truly understand the full scope of Euromeian.
           

He leaned against the glass window, eyes wide as he drank in everything he saw. All sunlight had long faded from the sky and the moon was high, its reflection glistening off the distant Caldaen River. But the city itself was alive with a thousand lights, as bright as the stars shining in the heavens above it. Were those all homes? He never could have imagined a place so large, even in his wildest dreams. 
           

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are five minutes from our final destination. If you look out your windows, you can see it. On behalf of Caldaen Railways, we would like to welcome you to Euromeian. The City of Wonder."
           

As the city started speeding towards them he backed away from the window, just as it passed through a short tunnel. The whole train was plunged into darkness, the only light coming from within the cabins, before exiting out the other side...and into Euromeian. Aeryn craned his head to see the top of one of the buildings they passed. Everywhere they went there were streets and people. Even at this time of the night there were couples walking the sidewalks, a few automobiles rolling by here and there. And then, within seconds it seemed, the train came to a halt. He looked out his window at the large train station. This one dwarfed the one in Brandictown. 
           

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd please secure your belongings and file out to the exits in an orderly fashion. Once again, we would like to wish you a pleasant stay in Euromeian."

            Aeryn grabbed his bag and his stick, on his feet within an instant. He was practically fidgeting as he waited his turn to step outside. The red head, who had slept for the entire trip, wasn't as patient. Aeryn smiled apologetically as the other boy rushed to be the first off the train, without saying even a single word to Aeryn or to the people he jostled on his way out. That guy's really rude. Aeryn thought. He wouldn't mind if he didn't have to meet him again.

            Finally, when the last of the people in front of him passed, he nearly jumped into the aisle and made for the exit. The moment he was out the door he took in a deep breath, letting the cold air fill his lungs. His eyes widened as they attempted to drink in the train station. The cavernous room arched up to a domed, glass ceiling high above their heads. Several train tracks and platforms could be seen and everywhere people were moving about, calling out to friends and family.

This was it. His first breath in Euromeian and it was real! He looked around, eyeing the general direction that most of the people seemed to be going.
           

When he stepped into the streets he stopped in his dead in his tracks. This place was unbelievable. All the buildings were at least two or three stories tall and some of them were even taller. Almost all of them had signs on them. Could they all be shops? But there were so many! He watched as the various passengers loaded into automobiles parked on the side of the street. And there were so many of them! He'd only seen three automobiles back home and the mayor owned one of them. Only really rich people owned them. How much money could all these people have? As much as the mayor? More? He was sure now that if he was to find a good doctor for his father, it would be here. 
           

But he needed to take this one step at a time. Dad said I should find a taxi. Now...just to figure out which one is the taxi. He slowly scanned the street. But the answer came to him seconds later as an automobile came to a stop right in front of him, nearly running over his feet. A guy with a short goatee peeked his head out the window. "You need a ride, kid?" He said. And sure enough, in clear print on the door was a single word. Taxi. He nodded and the guy threw a thumb at the backseat. "Get in."

Aeryn climbed into the back and closed the door behind him. 
           

"Thanks. I need to go to..." Aeryn drew off for a moment as he pulled out his little red pocketbook, flipping through to one of the earlier pages. "...the inn on 42 Alterson Rd. Is that okay?" The driver chuckled, turning to look at him over his shoulder.
           

"No problem. You're new to the city, right? Kind of young to be running away from home aren't ya?" Aeryn gave a startled expression and the guy let out another odd chuckle. "Hey, don't worry about it. I ran away from home, too. I used to live in Sundale Town, but my father wanted me to be a shoemaker. I said to hell with that, packed up my stuff and left for the big city. Best worst decision I rarely wish I never made." Aeryn had his mouth open the entire time the guy spoke. 
            "I didn't run away from home." Aeryn said defensively. The driver let out another little laugh, glancing at him in the rearview mirror. 
           

"Then what the hell are you doing in Euromeian?" Aeryn was well on  the way to figuring out this guy was strange. He just hoped not every person in this city was as...nosy as this guy.            

"I'm joining the Arcaeni." The guy raised an eyebrow at that, glancing at him in the rearview mirror. Suddenly the driver started laughing. But this time it wasn't a small chuckle. It continued for quite some time, to the point that Aeryn's face was starting to turn a bright red. 
           

"Hey! What's so funny anyways! What, you don't think I can do it? You know, its not very smart to laugh at your customers anyways bright guy, hasn't anyone ever told you that, especially if they're about to join the Arcaeni. Stop laughing already!" The words burst out in one quick flow that left him almost breathless and to the point that he almost felt like jumping forward and choking the laughter out of that guy. He'd already decided he didn't much like this cab driver. But lucky for him the driver's laughter died down, ending with a small chuckle.
           

"Sorry. Its just...you and everyone else." The driver said, shaking his head to rid himself of the laughs. "You don't think half this city wouldn't kill to join the Arcaeni? That's top of the food chain right there. And the people that want it have been fighting and training for it their entire lives. Hundreds of people flock to the Academy every year with the hopes of joining those guys and only twenty get accepted." At this Aeryn was in for a surprise.
           

"Only twenty?!" He exclaimed. 
           

"Yep. That's all I'm sayin', kid. You better be damned good." The driver said with a nod. "This is it. 42 Alterson Rd. That'll be twenty five Lins." Aeryn fished into his pocket, pulling out a small wallet. He counted off the money. He hadn't expected the cab to cost that much. He'd probably do a lot more walking from this point on. Counting it off he handed the money to the driver before stepping out. But right before he closed the door the driver spoke.
           

"Hey, kid." Aeryn peaked his head in, getting his first clear look at the young, dark haired driver with the goatee. "Good luck, I mean it. The name's Dan by the way. Dan Rills. Remember me in case you actually make it to the top." And with that he drove off. Aeryn watched the cab turn the corner before shaking his head. That guy was really odd.

            Aeryn turned, looking at the building in front of him. It was a large, two story building. But it wasn't an inn like he had thought it was. Rather, it looked like a grocery store of sorts. The whole front of the bottom floor was a large glass window. Through it he could see food on shelves and hanging from the ceiling on long ropes. The window was decorated with a painted sign for the building that stated: Margaret's Groceries and Flowers. And right under that in smaller letters was the address. 42 Alterson Rd. This can't be right. Why would dad send me to a grocery store? He looked at the adjacent buildings, wondering if his dad had given him the wrong address. Only one way to find out...

            He walked up to the front door, also made of glass. On the other side a slightly older woman who must have been in her late thirties or early forties, with just a few touches of gray to her blonde hair, looked up from behind the counter. He knocked once and the woman turned to look at him.
           

"I'm sorry, we're closed, dear. Come back tomorrow." He knocked on the window pane door again and she let out a sigh, walking from the back of the room. "I'm sorry but you'll have to come back tomorrow." 
           

"I was told to come here." He said. The woman raised an eyebrow. She had the look of a woman that had once been quite pretty when she was younger, and though she still retained most of those looks, was only just beginning to feel the touches of old age. 
            "You'll just have to come back when the store is open, dear." She turned to leave and he quickly spoke up.
           

"My dad told me to come here if I needed a place to stay in the city. His name is Daniel. Daniel Eldrin." The woman turned around the second she heard the name, eyes wide. She quickly unlocked the door, opening it for him.
           

"You're Daniel's boy? What a pleasant surprise. Come in, come in." She held the door open, letting him walk into the store beyond. It was a quaint grocery store, not unlike the one he used to work at back in Riverside. Several potted plants hung from the ceiling around the shop. "Daniel--your father--didn't mention you'd be coming. I'm terribly sorry for leaving you out in the street like that." She locked the door behind her, turning to look at him with a soft smile. Aeryn took several steps into the shop, doing a full circle before turning to look back at her.
           

"He didn't know I'd be coming here until recently. Do...do you live here?" He said, gesturing at the shop around him. The woman smiled. 
           

"Well, not here. I have an apartment right above the store. I have an extra room that you're more then willing to stay in. I'd die if I let you just wander into the streets with nowhere to stay. Its not much, it was my husband's old work study, but I'm sure I can work something up for you." Margaret said with a smile. Aeryn took a moment before responding, glancing around the grocery store once more. There was one thing about this that he couldn't quite figure out.
           

"My father never told me until recently that he'd lived in the city." Aeryn said. "Did you know him for a while...when he was here?" It felt awkward asking the question, like he was delving into his father's secrets without his permission. But the woman just raised an eyebrow, eyes riddled with confusion.
           

"But he never told you how he met Loreli?" It was Aeryn's turn to look confused now. "I'm sorry, I meant your mother." Aeryn's eyes suddenly widened, his mouth opening wordlessly before he caught himself and managed to speak.
           

"You knew my mother?!" He said. For some reason this sent his heart thudding. He saw Margaret's eyes soften as she let out a low sigh, offering him a weak smile. 
           

"Oh, dear. We're gonna have a lot to talk about. I'll make some tea..." 



Author's Note

Open to reviews, but please cite specific pieces of the work when you do, so I have an easier time seeing what you are referring to.

Reviews

[Victorious]

Dear MachinaWriter,

The characterization is weak here. I have the impression that some important characters were introduced here like the little girl, the child, and the taxi driver. Although, these are supporting characters for now, you should do all you can to make them pop out as if they were normal people. For example, the mother who looked deceitful in her sudden somberness concerning her child. How did Aeryn know she was lying? Yes, she gave a weak smile, but there's more body langugage to lying than a weak smile. Use this as a chance to describe her some more. Her thick eyebrows twitched, she mashed her thin, glossed lips or her pleasant/kind eyes dropped to the floor.Her tone changed, maybe? Did it get creaky, low, high? Was she pretty? Was she ugly? How were her teeth when she smiled? All there, or some missing? Also, the taxi driver. Describe how odd he is. Does he have weird things in his taxi cab, maybe a mage bobbyhead. Did he have an exotic accent? This is a good chapter to get the main ideas out that Aeryn has arrived at his destination. You have revealed more information about the academy. I'm giving you ways to flesh it out when you go back and edit. Expand on those ideas. In addition, I felt Aeryn was out of character when he got mad so easily. Maybe it's the diction. Him wanting to choke someone sounded out of character for him. Maybe frowning and taking the taxi driver prying in his business annoying and rude.

One grmmatical thing I noticed though, there is a lot of "would" "should" and these are fine, btu not when it's placed where it's not needed like for example here, "Occasionally he'd look up from the notebook when his traveling companion let out a snore. True to his word, the red haired youth had slept for the entire trip." Instead, go to an active voice and say he looked out the window. Also, the diction is really strong in a lot of areas. For example, "But the woman just raised an eyebrow, eyes riddled with confusion." "riddled is strong versus something light like sprinkled.This is just an example, you might have met her to be really confused. I do not know. Just be careful.

Other than that, I am interested to find out the significance of these characters. I think I like the little girl the most. I want to find out more about the academy and what his experience will be like. I am also interested in his cane. Is here crippled somehow. If so, I really like that. really adds uniqueness to it.

Nice read!

Sincerely Victorious

God bless

[MachinaWriter]

Thanks, once again, for your thorough review. I agree with almost all of the points you've brought. Now, not all the characters that are brought up are actually going to be important, as characters in themselves. Their significance comes from the fact that I use them to foreshadow things later on. The girl being sick is what's important, not the girl herself. She is the second character said to be sick. That's why I didn't focus so much on the mother's expression, but perhaps I should fix the diction I used in describing how Aeryn knew she was lying. The characterization of them, however, wasn't to build supporting cast members, but more so that when certain plot points arise later, you can feel as if they didn't come out of nowhere, but rather were already hinted at. This, however, is not meant as an excuse for the weakness of describing their personalities and actions. I should go back and edit those parts, so thank you for pointing that out. And I agree, him saying he wants to choke the character is a little out of character. A problem with diction, as you pointed out. That, out of everything, definitely needs to be worked on. As always, I thank you for your thoroughness.