Factory of Fear

My first time at a psychologist. And two "dreams" (hallucinations) that put extreme fear in me.

"My mind is a pool of memories, not all my own."
I said in thought, dragging my feet unwillingly across the dark grey lightly treaded carpet. Grabbing the chrome handle on the black door and with a twist, it gave way forward.

I was assaulted with that feeling of dizziness you get when you enter a room or building you are completely unfamiliar with: as if looking at the building plans would help.
"New smell, new colours, new scenery."
Is probably what my mind had said. The walls were a darkish cream coloured look, textured as if to mimic the moon: given the craters and all. On the end directly across from the door was a big single paned window, the casing of which was pitch black as the door I had entered from. This theme followed through the entire room, a infront of me sat what was "my" chair, a another black one infront of it (to my right). In the front-right corner stood an unkempt, spider-web ridden, fake plant. Inside a black metallic pot with a noticeably worm gold trim at the top and bottom.

In the chair directly opposite of my chair sat a man in his on, legs crossed and eyes on me as I surveyed the room. He had the baggy eyes of a librarian and physique of a previously stout young man. Grey wool jacket and black under-shirt, grey pants to match old man socks and a pair of expensive black shoes. His face wore an emotionless look, a pair of glasses that always looked to be judging those who returned his look. He gestured with his black and gold pen, similar to the pot of the fake plant, for me to sit, a notepad in his lap made me all the more nervous.

With the uneasy aura this room gave off, it put me in an awkward state as I sat down, giving unhesitantly stupid eye confirmation as if to say
"Me?", a nod retorted.
I could feel my body creak in the dreaded near dead silence. He gave me a look as if reading a book, oh so uninterested. I got a knot in my throat and as if noticing my discomfort he reformed his act with a cough and readjusting of his jacket. He felt like a teacher interrogating me until that gesture, reminding me of where I was.

"What do you think is wrong with you?"
A question to break the silence, but only adding to that knot in my throat. After taking far too long to think, and look down, and readjust: I returned my eyes to his reluctantly and told him of two dreams.




"Ugh"
My mind said wordless as I opened my eyes to look at the clock. A quickly dispersed fear hit me like a gust of cold wind. The clock read 7:54, I'm late for school. I felt panic for that split second then realised no reason to fret over one day: then all the more realised I'm dumb as hell. My clock doesn't list AM or PM so I'm left with a second of three different emotions as I realise I'm in my jeans and shoes still from school.

When I get home I go into my room, a quick concise greeting to parent/s or brother/s to dismiss their questions of a daily routine. I take some sleeping aids, turn on some music, and fall asleep on "accident". I never intend to fall asleep, but you never feel sleep coming. I pulled the covers up to my neck tempted to yawn, turning my head to face the ceiling I froze. Infront of me was a strange floating creature, within a foot of my face. I ducked under my blankets as if I was a child hiding from a scary monster. I can't remember one time I felt that fear, not even the second time. I remember my mind kept screaming
"NO, NO NO NO."
And a slew of thoughts hit me like
"This blanket won't protect me, how foolish."

Eventually my breathing calmed and I removed the covers, recalling the monster I saw: now gone. I should have drawn it fresh to memory but, I was too tired at the time. I stamped its image in my list of greatest fears, however. It was a sort of triangle monster, made of only triangles/pyramide. It was about a foot half long with a half foot diameter, roughly a cylinder shape. Its shapes were hollow but formed a crystal like structure on the inside, moving like one of those free visualizers with only lines: grey in colour.

"Heyo, (omitted)." A familar voice said, snapping me back to reality I looked at my doorway to see my middle-older brother. This confirmed to me it wasn't a dream. I wiped what felt like tears from my eye, before they fell. Regaining composure instantly. He just wanted to show me a video.

He nodded and gave an almost (almost, mind you) concerned look as he finished listening and began writing for a short amount of time.

I recalled my second experience with it, to him.

My brothers were all over and I slept as usual. My youngest-older brother and his girlfriend had a dog named Gizzy that had become especially fond of me (for all the damn ham I gave him). I left my door open and wokeup to the sensation of a prescence above my chest. He wasn't actually standing on me but I recall my brothers discussing seeing a movie together, as my hearing returned and then my eyesight. I said
"Giz, get off."
Thinking he had come back to my room and climbed on my bed. I protected my face for what I assumed were gonna be licks.
"Wait."
A scenario of this small short-legged puppy jumping ontop of a queen-sized bed played in my mind. He can't reach up here. My eyes opened with the almost audible ping of a side-scroller character getting a coin. Above me was the monster again, an immense fear returning to my body, this time I only covered my chest with the blanket and began yelling loudly
"NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO!"
Giz's owner had rushed back there and asked me what the f**k happened. I told him
"Just, f*****g hockey. Got into it recently and yeah."
Gesturing to my phone next to me. Why I always made excuses, I don't know. My middle-oldest brother asked me what was up later that night.

With this the old man nodded and looked back down to his notepad. Making a short note. I remember a few second silence as he looked at his notepad: broken by me this time

"Am I broken?"

Author's Note

Despite a fair amount of sleep aids, I couldn't fall asleep and wanted to write more. If there is blatant mistakes, I apologise. Hopefully mistakes/organisation won't affect readability all too much.