I have Lived

A poem of reflection

Early Spring colors the land green
Gracefully adorning it with various hues
Of gold and red and yellow and purple.
There is still a hint of chill to the air
Reminding us that Winter’s grasp has not yet broken.
The fog climbs up the pass,
Cloaking everything and everyone
In its silver-grey shroud.
Sounds quieted and yet enhanced.
It is beautiful.
Looking out before me
I see the spirits walking.
Their amorphous shapes forming in the iridescent fog.
I see their faces.
I hear their voices.
They beckon me to come.
I find it tempting;
To let go of everything and everyone.
To just disappear into the clouds.
I think back on my life,
Wishing it had been a better life.
There is no perfection found in me
That is for damned sure.
I have walked the ocean shores,
I have climbed the mountain peaks.
I have seen sunrise on the Serengeti
Waking beside the joyous body of a youthful goddess.
I have screamed into the face of God
Then knelt in supplication.
I have known love and hate.
I have known sadness and joy.
I have dreamed great dreams
Then left them wilting at the roadside
While I sought the easier path.
I have fathered and not been a father.
I have done wrong far too many times
Then asked forgiveness until the words
Held little if any meaning.
I am no devil yet am definitely no saint.
I hover the limbo that exists somewhere between.
Looking down upon the misty veil,
Listening to the ghostly voices
I see the life that I have lived.
It has not been a perfect life
But, damn it, I have lived!
Without regret,
Without remorse,
I join the spirits as they walk,
Vanishing into the passing wind.

Hamish McIndlister