How to Break a Heart

An Essay

            Some people have an unquenchable desire to crush people and inflict pain that may take years to heal. One of the best ways to do this is to break someone’s heart. Allow someone to care about you. When they do, and they believe you care about them, too, you are given the opportunity to crush them slowly and painfully. I realize not everyone wishes to hurt others. This essay is for the people that do.

            There are three steps necessary to effectively break someone’s heart. The first is to lead them on. Make them believe you really care and want to be with them. The second step is to leave. Get as far away as possible and don’t plan on going back. The third step is to allow them to believe that you may come back and that they might have another chance at building a relationship with you.

            There are many ways to go about leading someone on. Obviously, you may want to combine some or all of these strategies to inflict the most pain on your target. One great way to lead people on is to make future plans with them. This may include making a list of things you wish to do together. Such a list could consist of movies to watch, as well as bigger activities, such as snowboarding or going on long road trips to beautiful places. Another idea you may want to consider is showering your chosen person with compliments. Nearly everyone appreciates being complimented, and this would also be considered a prime way to flirt. Spending quality time together is a must. It is difficult for people to get attached to someone they do not spend enjoyable time with. Some great examples of quality time may include

1.      Going on a road trip. This should not be a long road trip, but one just long enough to leave the other person wanting more. I would aim for anywhere from an hour to four hours.

2.      Have great conversations. These could be deep and seemingly meaningful, or they could be joking, lighthearted conversations with plenty of laughter. Having both types of conversations with your target would be optimal.

3.      Spend time watching movies with them. This should include physical affection, most commonly in the form of cuddling.

The most important thing you can do to lead someone on is to convince them that you care. Many of the things mentioned above can contribute to this. Physical affection plays a major role. Hug them; maybe kiss them every so often. Cuddle with them, and hold their hand. Make sure to ask them how they are doing and how their day has been. Pay attention to everything they tell you so that you can ask about specific things. People love to know that someone is attentively listening. Another key point to mention is that you cannot let this stage go on too long. It is important to leave as soon as they are beginning to get attached.

Leaving this person is the second step to breaking a heart. As mentioned, you cannot wait too long before you leave. If you choose to stay longer, you may be able to break their heart with even more magnitude and pain, but this requires more patience and immense sacrifice of time. Because of that, I will only be discussing the strategy of leaving quickly. This method works because you can give the person a taste of what it may be like to be in a relationship with you, but before they are able to fully experience it, you leave. This idea is stated perfectly in Rascal Flat’s song “What Hurts the Most.” The lyrics are as follows: “What hurts the most was being so close/And havin' so much to say/And watchin' you walk away/And never knowin' what could've been.” This rings true for many people. There is a special kind of hurt inflicted when one feels that they were not given the opportunity to know “what could have been.”

When you leave, it is important to go without warning, and do not even think about saying goodbye. The person should not find out that you have left until you reach your destination, preferably a remote location that is far from your target. The most painful way for them to find out you have left is for them to hear it from someone else first. When you do tell them, make sure you are as ambiguous as possible as to the reason you left. A great example of this would be saying, “I left for personal reasons.” Now, when you leave, it is important to keep in mind that you are not going to completely cut them off. Yes, you now live far away from them, but cutting them off completely allows them the space they need to heal. Do not do this if you want to do the most damage.

It is crucial to drag out the pain as long as possible. Continue communicating with them, but do not be consistent. Sporadic text messages are optimal. A strategy that I have found especially hurtful is to respond quickly at first, but after a few texts, do not respond until the next day. It is important to also send texts that are not in response to the other person. This could be simple “good morning”, “good night”, or “thinking of you” texts. By doing this, you will keep the person interested and hopeful. Hope is essential to cause true pain. You need to make them believe that they still have a chance with you. This can be done by telling them that you wish you didn’t have to leave or that you miss them. Tell them that you really are interested in them and that you hope that there can be a relationship in the future. Make sure they believe that you will continue talking to them and that you still care even though you had to leave. Slowly, you can begin to talk to them more and more. Text them, call them, but not in excess. You must never seem clingy or needy. In time, this person will become reliant on you. That is when you cut them off for good.

At this point, you can do one of two things. You may choose to tell them that you do not feel worthy to be their friend. Lead them to believe that you are leaving because they did not seem to care. When you accuse them of not caring, they will become defensive and hurt. They will wonder why, after all this time, you still do not trust them. The risk with this method is that the person may become fed up with your accusations, ultimately causing less pain. Though uncommon, it does happen. The other main tactic is to emotionally destroy them by telling them that your relationship meant nothing to you. Essentially, be completely honest. This is a nearly foolproof plan. When someone spends time believing they are cared about and appreciated, only to find out they were wrong, they are sure to be extremely hurt. The only issue with this plan is that it may end up hurting your target too much. Though most people would not take drastic measures, some may, and you could find yourself being held partially accountable.

While knowing these steps will greatly help you to break nearly anyone’s heart, there is still practice needed to perfect the craft. Without the required patience and apathy, you may find yourself truly falling for someone you are working so hard to hurt. Be very careful. Some people may seem like truly good people, but they could easily trick you into something that you would never desire. And, though you are trying to hurt someone else, you might just become the one who gets hurt.