Mom

When I wake up, the sun hasn’t yet risen, though it isn’t terribly dark either. As I stand and step outside, the wet grass tickles my bare feet and I can’t help but smile. I can smell bread baking, one of the best scents in the world, and I begin to head towards it, hoping to get a taste of the delicacy that is freshly baked bread. Before I get very far, something stops me. It isn’t very loud but it sure is magnificent and I find myself moving toward it, slowly at first then faster and faster until I am running through the trees behind my home, back and forth, searching for the source of this glorious music. Suddenly, I see someone and stop dead in my tracks. Mom? She doesn’t seem to have heard me, though I’m sure she must have. I stand there staring for a while, watching her. She is moving in the most beautiful way I had ever seen. Gracefully, she glides across the forest floor. Time seems to come to a stop. I have no idea how long it is before I realize I am completely exposed and quickly move behind a tree. I slowly peek out from the tree, but when I do, I do not see her. It takes a moment for me to register that I no longer hear the wonderful music that had led me here. I find myself quite disappointed and I head back through the forest to my home.

Days pass, weeks, then months. I have not forgotten her, nor will I ever. Sometimes, when I least expect it, but need it most, I hear that glorious sound and see someone run by, a beautiful woman, and she smiles at me, giving me the strength that I need to make it through another day.

Author's Note

The idea is that the speaker's mother died when he/she was very young and everything that is described in this monologue is a daydream. Let me know if it makes sense. Thanks! :)

Reviews

[Andrew]

Hey, man! Wonderfully well written. I like the connection between something so simple and yet beautiful as the smell of baking bread, and one's own parents, or people we love or have known. It's funny how a smell, or a sound, or a place or a piece of music can stir the memories. All good stuff!

[Amaranta]

So dreamlike. I love dream stories that take place in the woods, because there's something about the forest that is ethereal and not part of this reality completely

[BlueEyedAngel]

You did a beautiful job! I enjoyed reading this. I would feel lost if I didn't have my mom around to talk to. Thanks for sharing!

[JaneFoxscale]

Yeah I totally got it! The words were strewn together so naturally! It even seemed dream like. Well done!

[Diana Hunt]

Very emotional and beautiful... thank you for sharing!

[Jacob Clifford]

I got the message loud and clear. This has a very reminiscent feel to it: childhood memories, senses bringing up memories, romanticized memories of the mother. . . I love the meaning behind this story.
One thing I would suggest is to elaborate on some of the emotion the speaker feels toward the end of the first paragraph. "I find myself quite disappointed and I head back through the forest to my home". What I'm suggesting is to describe how the feels instead of simply saying it. Maybe the speaker's heart drops, or something of that nature.
I really like this. You managed to relay emotion quite well.

[Morgan Yai]

Thanks for the suggestion :) That's a really good idea!