Broken Toys

Two broken people trying to patch thier emotions with the most simple of glues.

Broken Toys

 

I cat call,

And yet I'm barking up the wrong tree.

You are,

All wrong - but the strength of your song,

Has my - hat off,

And thats the gentleman within me.

 

Shots fired,

Conversation and some stiff drinks.

Then,

Breathing you - while ignoring all my allergies,

I hate to say it's true,

You are the most inviting fallacy.

 

Two rivals,

A war rages in the bed.

I am,

Bayonet forward - pressing the attack,

You were - dead from the start,

A grenade for a heart.

 

Reviews

[Beautiful Intentions]

Oh, this is brilliant... If it came with a sound it would be, "Mmmm, damn..." The structure to this piece is so incredibly hard-hitting, the word usage so captivating that each seems to dance with provocative intent, leaving me entirely winded with by every impacting baby step down. If only I could pluck the words off the page... How they so reminded me of a certain lover of mine. You just have this masterful way about you... From the title to the very last delicious drop. Just bam... "but the strength of your song, Has my - hat off,"... Indeed, Ninja... Indeed.

[Ninja Empyrean]

My literary acquaintance, you flatter me.

[Beautiful Intentions]

Just telling it like it is.

[Eric Cox]

Nicely penned, good imagery with nice strength to it, especially the ending.

[p.kuhl]

I like the rhythm and smoothness of the poem. "Your are," is confusing, and the last stance feels too much like summary of what the rest of the poem is already saying. It's weak and not super necessary. Great poem though, thanks for sharing.

[p.kuhl]

Stanza*

[Ninja Empyrean]

now that I reread it I agree with your comment about the last stanza. I did feel the need however to concentrate on the fact that the narrator might have a family. Thanks

[Ninja Empyrean]

But point taken, I removed the last stanza, that is if and until I find a decisive end.