Love Embarks (Villanelle)

Over time, there have been those who refused to choose sides, but stood in love, facing the apparent battle between light & dark forces with the power of the first word of creation.

We stand between the worlds of light and dark,
a dreaming people living in the grey.
Awake now, some of us choose to embark.

Our thoughts slip through the crack of time's great arc
to witness massive forces in their fray.
We stand between the worlds of light and dark.

Aligning with the raven or the lark -
some gather weapons, others kneel to pray.
Awake now, some of us choose to embark.

We are not pawns in dreamscapes grown so stark,
the beauty of our natures swept away -
we stand between the worlds of light and dark,

hearts opened, tuned to beings that sing, "Hark,
now listen, love's first song shall lead the way -
awake now!" Some of us choose to embark.

Our journey of this calling leaves its mark;
our interlocking circles won't give sway.
We stand between the worlds of light and dark;
Awake now, some of us choose to embark.

Author's Note

My first attempt at a poem in the form of the Villanelle, which I never heard of before. My mentor, Richard, provided guidance in a review below, and this then is my second try with this poem. The description said if something was haunting you, this might be the form to try. I am haunted by the idea that a battle of light and darkness wages on another plane, one that we are drawn into, or turning grey with listless fatigue, try to ignore. I have always chosen light. Now I find there is another stance beyond light and darkness- one of love- which transcends all things, created this world, and has the same power it had at the very beginning to bring all things înto their right order, including all that is light and dark about our existence. This is my limited attempt to represent the possibility of standing and then moving forward in that truth.

Reviews

[. serah .]

~ there could be so many reasons why some people choose the dark... ~ it could be substance abuse which distorts the brain... ~ it could be brainwashing... ~ it could be a genuine chemical imbalance in the brain and so on... ~ my view on this issue is that (a) we need to rescue the ones who can be rescued and (b) we need to diagnose the psychological ailments of those who are suffering and facilitate medication and/or counselling for them... ~ we can no longer afford to be in the dark about those who are in the dark...

[Marianne Rose]

I agree- so many biological and situational factors go into one being drawn into darkness, and rather than give the help that is needed, we abandon, ignore or isolate them. Part of the weakness of our society at the moment I think. Thank you for your reflections and review!

[Astrid]

A very tough writing style choice. Nicely done :) When I did my villanelle I never thought to change the punctuation nor capitalization in the repeating lines. It flows quite well ~

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you, Astrid, for your kind review. I've wanted to do another in this form- but as you say, challenging for sure. I appreciate that you enjoyed the flow . . .

[Saria Lon]

You know I love love love your style!! As soon as I read the first two lines I knew I would love this. Your words and images always bring to life your message so elegantly. Your work always makes me smile and is always a joy to read. Personally, your writing touches me the most. Once again, thank you so much! :D

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you so much! I'm so glad that the first lines drew you in, and that you heard the message and appreciate the way it was formed. Your review is so kind and beautiful, encouraging me to continue writing. We must be kindred spirits that you so resonate with my writing. I'm glad it makes you smile- there is no greater complement than to hear that someone responds emotionally to this work- but bringing a smile is so great in a world that needs more tastes of happiness. Thank you again.

[Richard🖌]

Dear Marianne,
I really love your title! : )
The Villanelle is, indeed, a challenging form to undertake; especially the first time without benefit of guidance, and that, My Dear, requires great fortitude.
As powerfully expressed and passionate as this one is, it has a ways to go before being mastered, but I am sooo proud of you for spreading your poetic wings … I wish more would venture forth like this.
Marianne, please, feel free to examine and study one of my little Villanelles, which includes proper instructions:
Woodsprite⁓* < http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/1584637/?&p=1 >

I can still recall my first Villanelle so many years ago, what a fun challenge it was, and how wonderful it felt after finally getting it right — on my "7th" try … LOL!
Bless you your beautiful spirit, Our Fine Lady-Poet! ⁓ Richard

[Marianne Rose]

Ah, yes I see - I did not catch that the "b" lines all need rhyme. Here's my second try at this one- surely not the final version, but I did want to capture the form at least. Thank you so much for your guidance. I'm just beginning to get how to read the A1, A2, b, etc. formats, a little like when I first started learning chords on the guitar. But I am an avid student, dear teacher, I will pursue mastery with passion and effort. With much appreciation for this sterling education! LOL - sounds a little like Gilbert and Sullivan there . . . Your aspiring poetess and Lady, Marianne

[Richard&#128396;]

Marianne,
It is far better, and it flows smoother, too, in spot-on iambic pentameter, except your A2 lines, and that will take a bit of creative thinking to be sorted. Whether used in rhyming forms, structured, or Free Verse, iambics seem to express in smoother flow.
Always, include at least one free space above your first verse to let it breathe and release any mind's-eye cramped sense.

Marianne, I sincerely believe you've the passion, potential, work ethic, and determination to become a truly accomplished poetess, and when you've completely mastered this challenging form, you're well on your way! ⁓ Richard


Great work! : )
(grade changed for this one from 85 to 95)

[Marianne Rose]

Such delight in seeing I am beginning to catch on! Your constructive guidance is welcomed and appreciated. I have come to find strength and encouragement in your guidance- so unlike many teachers I've had who so focus on what's wrong, I can't determine if anything is right.
What do you think of the following rewrites of A2?
"Awakening, a few choose to embark"
"Awakening, too few choose to embark"- adds a bit of melancholy to the mix
"Awakening, I choose now to embark"
Or is the problem with the emphasis on "to"? If so, I shall have to think longer . . .
Thank you for helping me work this poem - I think I am retaining its meaning despite my focus on improving the form . . . Always my greatest concern.

[Richard&#128396;]

"Awakening, a few choose to embark" (see below)
"Awakening, I choose now to embark" (see below)

"a, (TOO FEW) CHOOSE to emBARK" [as you can see, iambics are out]

(In the manner which this is [spoken naturally, HARD-HARD or STRESSED STRESSED] it is spondee or spondaic)

Note: When composing in iambics it is almost always a mistake to first complete a line and then attempt to put it into correct iambic order, because that which is meant to be conveyed can become lost to manipulation. It is far easier to think in/consider iambic correctness as one is writing, and the message is delivered intact.

"aWAKE now, SOME of US choose TO emBARK." (actually, spot-on)

[Marianne Rose]

Okay, hm, it looks like I'm trying to correct something from your other review ("except your A2 lines . . .") when the iambic is, as you say, "spot on". Perhaps in your other comment you meant the flow of the A2 lines in relation to other lines. If that isn't what you meant (originally) I am lost. I guess 95 will have to do for now, until I understand more of the principles of composing in iambic from the start! LOL. There are limits to learning in the virtual world, I guess . . . But thanks for taking the time to get this across . . .

[Richard&#128396;]

Final grade is 100 … sorry, mean to change that. I think my dotage is creeping-in on me. :/
It is a wonderful effort, Marianne, one you should be as proud of as I am of You … smiles 'n hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you dear teacher. I do like the Villanelle, but writing in this form does take a bit more left brain mathematical power - more like fitting a puzzle together. So back to free form prose I go for a while . . . Tell me, is there a poem of yours you'd like me to read?

[Richard&#128396;]

The more we practice that which we've learned, the better we become an more a natural part of it becomes.
To master a form one must have persevered until it is second nature..

You are most welcome, Lady Marianne.

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing journey shared in your words dear Marianne.
"Our journey weaving timeless through each clash,
Our interlocking circles bound in love
We stand between the worlds of light and dark
Awake now, some of us choose to embark."
I liked the above lines. We must decide our journey. Good or bad. It is our decision. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you dear friend, for joining me in this journey and encouraging me to share what I see and feel on this site. Yes, we must decide, individually and collectively. My hope is that we each and all make the right choice. Thank you again, for reading and reviewing with kindness and openness.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Poet.

[Inject Positivity]

Priceless words!!!

The world has two sides of it, one side shines at times, one side doesn't, but that doesn't mean the other side will never see the sunlight... Darkness will come, hardships will appear but we must not give up, because there is absolutely a guarantee that the earth will move and the sun will show up... This poem is absolutely related to me because I'm in situation like that personally in my life where I have two sides and both are very close to clash and one will win... One is darkness and the other is light, but I have chosen light instead of darkness because I know the light will show up after this temporary darkness...

It's a tremendous piece of work with the form... But to me the poem and it's words more important... Grateful to be able to back on your pages... God bless you...

Regards
Dhiman

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you from my deep heart for your treasured words and sharing of your own struggle and choices. What a battle it is! And to straddle both sides- painful and exhausting. So glad you have chosen light, and your words are filled with love, so that undercurrent will keep your journey safe. Your continued kindness and relating to what I write gives me a lift each time. What a gift to hear your words resonating in my heart and mind.

[Inject Positivity]

I have chosen light since I was 4... The poverty and rejection hit me every single day, I have to keep light of love at my side otherwise the end is inevitable... I'm always thrilled to be a part of your poetic wisdom and love...

[Marianne Rose]

I also found light early, in the darkness, and my guardians safeguard me every day with it, whether or not I feel it, I have seen enough to believe. There are some things that truly cannot be lost, no matter what is taken away from you.

[Celie Rose]

"We stand between the worlds of light and dark
Awake now, some of us choose to embark."
Being indecisive does leave you in both worlds,
but if you do not embark, the choice is already made.
"We stand between the worlds of light and dark
Awake now, some of us choose to embark."
Well written and expressed.

[Marianne Rose]

So many people straddle the worlds, not choosing. You're right, not "embarking" is a choice too- hadn't thought of it that way. Thank you for your perspective, and for this encouraging review.

[William Liston]

The Villanelle is not an easy form, so I can definitely applaud you for the effort. As for the poem itself, I absolutely enjoyed it. I could feel a "haunted" feeling throughout, and even though I couldn't understand some of the lines, I could definitely feel emotion behind the words. I think the repetitive nature of the Villanelle really complimented this piece and the emotion it evoked. Great work.

-William Liston

[Marianne Rose]

Thank you William. My husband and I played with reading it in different ways last night- what fun we had! When the repeated lines take on a different tone each time they're read, it adds much more, as we discovered. We must have read- and sung it - a dozen ways, going back and forth, exploring how the meaning changes depending on melody and tone of voice. It is difficult though- and I think there are improvements that could be made- I sense that, but as a novice, they are still beyond my reach. Thank you for your encouraging words- I feel challenged to keep trying out this form for different subjects, as well as writing more about my experience of slipping the the crack into a realm where, as if on a parallel but linked plane, these forces of dark and light face off and prepare to clash- as if held in some timeless repeating loop- I know, how can something be timeless but repeat?- this plane has some kind of a blend of time and timelessness- not chronological time as we experience it, but movement that suggests a bounded experience- one destined, eventually to resolve. Not surprising there are lines not understood, I barely grasp the sense of what I'm trying to express myself! Thank you so much for reading and your positive review.

[H.L. Cerveise]

I love this poem a lot. I believe we are at war. It is a battle between the light and the dark within each of us and in the cosmos. I love the lines, "...Awake now, some of us choose to embark..." and "...We stand between the worlds of light and dark..." I believe we have to stand between the two while being made up of the two. We are a conduit that the eternity of both sides must flow through and be processed by us.

Well done.

[Marianne Rose]

Thanks HL- yes, I've been tapping into the forces behind the material realm of human beings and realizing how it has intensified just over the last few months, drawing unsuspecting people in to the energy. But somehow I have felt love rising too, more whole than the polarized struggle, and more powerful. That's where I choose to stand now, regardless of the outcome. Thank you for reading and adding your reflections.