Whence

I looked from whence I could see the stars; there were days clouded in ice and days

where the sun  lifted me on orange rays

and yet here I am still behind veiled bars

 

Sometimes ivory clad sometimes silver steel, the endless ringing echoes

a mind laid waste in a thousand ghettos

sometimes a floundering fish on a reel

 

I looked from whence I could see the stars, these were nights of shattering displays

of dreams that once smouldered but now decays

the cold dying for things that never was

 

Reviews

[Everett DeValle]

Wow, breath taking poetry, Moon...everything just falls into place...loved the line, "a mind laid waste in a thousand ghettos."

[BlackRose]

Really like this. Like how you use the words. It keeps you reading til the end maybe wanting to more read more.

[Sleeping Maiden]

Stunning!!! I love the imagery so much!!! =) it definately takes me to a land far away ^^

[......]

Very nicely written, love the imagery

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I love the way your first lines create a mood of looking back or examining life.

"I looked from whence I could see the stars; there were days clouded in ice and days

where the sun lifted me on orange rays

and yet here I am still behind veiled bars" my favorite lines.

To me, the veiled bars could be your lashes. For some reason, the "ivory clad" and "silver steel" make me think of sunlight and tears - that may not be what you intended, but I like the thought. :) I also like the "endless ringing echoes" because that is what they seem to me at times. All these echoes of what once was.
This is lovely.

[marytownsend]

Wow, this is stunningly beautiful, it tugs at the soul!

[just is]

Wow really loved the 2nd stanza,
This is amazing....love this

[Priscilla Sayers]

A sorrowful lullaby is how this reads to me. An excellent display of emotional strife. Great job!

[An owl on the moon]

An aching, stunning glimpse at the stars and the eyes of the soul that look skyward... Dying dreams in melancholy music.

[Wondering Mind]

The rhyme here is delicously dynamic. I think it's the free flow of form that added that falvouring... The statement very deep.