Loss

Was it a dream, an echo a midnight scream?

You a tiptoe so quiet as I breathe

For a moment the poise of our fragile hearts

Then I heard the thunder blowing it all apart

 

Followed by a silence, a voice that never spoke

Now the peace, now there is no hope

I see that silhouette of only me

As I ballet where I should not be

 

I will fly with broken wing

And watch for poison sting

Knowing the weary and the torn

Find lessons in every crimson dawn

 

When the bleeding has stopped, and all is said and done

Everything in life is fleeting and this battle you have won

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

this is very pretty penning of a not so pretty feeling which makes the poem stunning in the waves of its juxtaposition:) a great write dear Moon really enjoyed

[MOON]

Thank you so much

[Coyote Poetry]

I do agree dear friend.
"When the bleeding has stopped, and all is said and done
Everything in life is fleeting and this battle you have won"
The above lines. I do understand. Thank you dear friend for sharing the outstanding words.
Coyote

[MOON]

Thank you , hope you well , take care

[Coyote Poetry]

Hello dear friend and you are welcome. Have some fun and be safe.

[Fay Slimm]

The odour of sadness runs through each line of this sad lament - -excellent imagery Moon

[Sami Khalil]

I felt the loss, the wicked reality, the ups and downs, The brokenness and picking up the pieces. We all live and learn. Learn while we are living. Let us make wiser choices, lead better selves and seek noble outcomes. Excellent.

[MOON]

thank you Sami always appreciate your input.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome Moon.

[Einstein Noodle]

title drew me in .. simple .. one word .. we all relate to .. then the art .. oh my .. is that yours? i really like it .. would add it to my walls somewhere special .. so emotive .. love the bird .. i'll say a crow as they are such strong omen bearing birds ... i think the opening verse is the strongest .. i am an eternal optimist and so am happy for the positive closing ... i think the scene setting is also strong .. waking can give us fuzzy notions .. she wakes at first thinking her love is still there ... there is terror "...midnight scream?" and trepidation "....the poise of our fragile hearts" ...and then the harsh reality :( we get knocked down ... quite broken sometimes .. but we can and most do get up .. more cautious .. perhaps even wiser ... i was drawn into this one ... it pressed close to my own heart and moment of terror and loss ... wishing you well Moon!
E.

[MOON]

thank you kind Sir , I should have credited the painting, found on google images , the artist is Reda Ishak.

[Einstein Noodle]

its incredible to me and perfect with your poem

[Neville]

a well crafted poem, purposefully penned, and with loss running through it from end to end ... certainly much enjoyed by me .. and sadly, a good un ..

[MOON]

thank you so much

[Neville]

welcome you are ..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow Moon, this is so good.
I went in a different direction than others...as I was reading this I was seeing abuse...
"the thunder blowing it all apart"
"the silhouette of only me"
"this battle you have won"
the fleeting, tentative happiness short lived...finding out the significant other is not so significant...but cruel and abusive.
the bleeding stopped, she has left.
this is powerful.
j.

[MOON]

Thanks Jacob life finds the words ....

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

You blanket the reader with the most powerful imagery and emotions.
This piece is infused with a life of its own.

[MOON]

thank you so much most appreciated

[Chris Shaw]

Conveyed beautifully in stanzas with end rhyme. Reads well and flows like a stream. I got a real sense of loss, particularly in your final stanza. Life is fleeting when compared to the overall picture of things. Much enjoyed Moon..

Chris

[MOON]

Thank You Christine Ann, most appreciated , will stop by .