Broken

 

Walk me away from all sorrows walk me away from all pain

If you look and happen to see the strobe lights within me wane

Let the dark holes in my soul be filled with my own storied art

Don’t shed a tear for me little one or my crimson scarred heart

 

Ocean waves of promise for years I thought would come in and beach

Yet for each parting day with the bitter wind my soul to leech

Lay me down no light and love and songs to guide me home to you

Till I crack and all the colours peel and nothing is my due

 

Raised always on that harsh arid platform of cold concrete panes

 Broken bloody promises that edges my worth and now stains

Living always with the shadow of night shining on my day

You the prize had me clutching straws until I lost my way

 

Here I am dreams unfulfilled and a repeat of yesterday

 Let my escape be the chattering head that embroiders clay

The stars that shine above remind me of loss and boldly ache

Let me enjoy the hopes of thoughts that only I can fake

 

Let me smell the rain and see the rainbow and my heart still soars

My mind always wanders and is lost forever from safe shores

 

 

Reviews

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

The last stanza is my favorite- it shows some hope and a sense of moving on from so much pain. And the part of your mind wandering was a splendid touch- our minds can either divert or submerge us from pains- it really shows how strong our thoughts can really be.

[MOON]

Many thanks, take care!

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Beautiful!!!! This is actually pretty much what I felt like when I broke up with my fiance before we were engaged and then found out he was already going out with someone else like a week later... Great work Moon:)

[John]

The poem expresses that feeling of loss and anguish at the end of a relationship. There is a slight disconnect with the strobe light in the first verse and common poetic tropes such as storied art and crimson scared heart, but nevertheless one gets a real sense of how someone must feel when abandoned by their lover.

[Sheila Kline]

Perfection in form, great sadness in the message! The last two lines ring with hope that though sorrow may prevail so often, there is hope! I like the optimism midst the pain....carry on!! Yes, carry on!!

[MOON]

Thanks Sheila most appreciated. Take care!

[CS]

You have always had a great gift for the melancholy, Moon. You write so well of loss that I, as a reader, can feel it as if it were my own. I really admire that about your writing. This piece is included in that, for sure. It is very nicely done.

I like the format and flow of this. It easily guides me from the beginning to end and grants the reader no room for a breath. It is just one cohesive thought that leaves you feeling lost in the middle of heartache.

As always, dear Moon, I love reading your work. Long live your pen, my friend.

[MOON]

Thanks Courtney always for your support and kind words. I am do glad you back!

[Belle]

Four quatrain and a couplet formed consistently as quantitative metre with 15 syllable count each line accompanied by perfect rhyming scheme : aabb ccdd eeff gghh kk. Moon, the tone of the poetic persona created me a melancholic mood, yet the form of this poem kept on impressing me as I went on with my read.

[MOON]

Thanks Belle work in progress when it comes to poetry , though add my own twist. Glad you like . Take care!

[Tree]

Sometimes, tragically, there is more beauty in our sadness, more there for the poet and artist to draw upon. I enjoyed this piece, Moon. I understood it.

[MOON]

You so right Diego thanks for the review.
Take care!

[Wondering Mind]

this is really sad, but beautifully expressed with poetic skill

[MOON]

Thanks glad to see you around thought you disappeared into the desert!

[rhythm&blues]

Sad and so beautiful, some of my sentiments if i could write as lovely as you do.

[MOON]

Thanks for your kind words, will stop by soon, take care!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Living always with the shadow of night shining on my day.........this line is incredible......sad and beautiful.

[MOON]

Thanks Neva hope you well!
All the best!