The hunt for the Kristahl

 

 

She had been careless and because of that, her life was in danger and more than usual. Kristahl had been watching the treetops for months now, waiting for signs of the soldiers. She knew they would come; she just hadn’t known when or how many would be sent. Today was the closest they’ve ever come, the farthest anyone has ever come to her before, in fact. Previously she had only caught fleeting glances of the reflecting light off of the armor they wore, but now she could see the bodies that wore that armor, and she was curious. She knew she was supposed to be scared and she was, but she was also curious of these creatures. She had always lived in the forest and no human had ever ventured far enough so that she had the opportunity to meet them. The closest she had come to a human were the hags that she sometimes came upon while roaming the Bahj and they were only part human if even that. They were usually deformed creatures, morphed by their unhealthy use of magic and could no longer coexist in their original societies, but now she had this soldier who was so conveniently and inconveniently headed towards her. He was an actual human that she could see and observe- someone that could keep her company in her dreams. She wanted badly to meet this human. Just watching him might even please her, but she had to prepare herself. If I decide to indulge my cravings then I at least better be prepared to take the necessary precautions. I know I don’t want to, but I have to be willing to kill them if they become dangerous. Kristahl laughed in spite of herself. If their sole mission was to find and eliminate her then, of course, they presented a danger to her.

It had been hours after dawn in the Bahj and anything or anyone at a high enough vantage point or with keen enough eyes could see a group of soldiers headed in one direction and a little farther south a lone soldier headed in the opposite direction.  As Kristahl watched from her perch, she paid little attention to the group as it was the lone soldier that headed towards her home. Somehow, he had been separated from his search squadron and was now headed away from the security of civilization and deeper into her homeland.

 The girl had remained undiscovered for so long because no one had dared to venture this deep into the forest. Most of the humans never even came within a quarter of the distance between the beginning of the forest and her little shack. That was, until now. This soldier was less than a day away from the half-way point, which meant he would, no doubt, reach it late in the night or in the morning the next day depending on how hard he pushed himself. The soldiers had camped farther away the night before, and now while the squadron was headed back to the nearest town, probably hoping to meet up with their lost comrade, the soldier was getting closer.

As she swiftly climbed down from the branch she was resting on and leaped to the nearby branch of a tree adjacent to hers, she had little faith in her ability to keep herself from talking to him, this lone soldier, this lost soldier who intrigued her so much.

 

 

They were getting closer. As every day passed they got closer and closer to reaching their goal, which was to find the Crossbreed and take it before the Myriad. The commander, however, was under orders to eliminate the thing if it chose not to come peacefully. Peacefully- HA! They were expected to find this superior being and expect it to just be taken into custody willingly; it was almost amusing if the commander wasn’t putting so many lives at stake with doing so. Not even he knew what the Myriad’s plans for the creature were, but since they were the law there was very little choice he had in the matter. No one would dare defy the Myriad.

Through his thoughts, the Captain heard one of his soldiers in a nearby tent drop something and curse. He got up from his desk and went outside to take a look. It was getting stuffy in the tent and he wanted something entertaining to happen in his damned boring camp. A burning tent; however, was not quite what he had in mind, but that was exactly what greeted him when he stuck his head outside. It was his turn to curse.

He immediately started shouting orders. “You! Go get water and tell any other men you see to do the same. Let’s go! This idiot has set his tent on fire.”

The closest soldiers, unsure of which one the Captain had called but not willing to suffer any consequences, quickly nodded their heads and ran deeper into the encampment. They ran towards the well, all calling to anyone else who would listen, and faster than one would think, soldiers started appearing with buckets hanging in their hands. They threw the water on the fire and while most of the men left to collect more, some stayed to continue drowning the fire with the incoming buckets. To any man who went too slowly for the commander’s liking, he took to reminding them that the fire could spread to their tents and they would be left without sleeping arrangements due to their own lack of care. He said this once, though in less pleasant words, and the men made sure to move with purpose.

The commander’s threats proved to be unnecessary, however, because the fire was out within a couple minutes. His speed, on the other hand, was indispensable for it kept the fire from spreading and doing more damage. Only the occupants of that tent would need to find other sleeping arrangements the night which was more favorable than any other alternatives.

Satisfied with the work of his group of soldiers, the commander turned to the night sky. Hands on hips and gazing at the stars, his mind returned to his previous thoughts.  He could feel that they were getting to closer to where it dwelled. Late last night one of the search squadrons had come back with a missing soldier. The commander turned towards his camp and watched the aftermath of the tent fire. Either the soldier had wandered off and gotten lost or, Tehlish forbid, it got to him. Nothing could be done for him now. Either he showed up or he didn’t. The Bahj was too large a forest to comb every inch looking for a single soldier… they were already doing that, but instead they were in search of something more important, the one of the prophecy, or as it was foretold.

The commander shook his head. He wasn’t sure he believed in such things. To be honest, he wouldn’t be surprised if they never found the creature. He sighed and returned to his tent. He had strategies to make, letters to write, work to do.

 

 

 

I’m going to die. He had already been wandering in the direction he had hoped his battalion’s camp was for a little over two days now and he was running low on supplies. In any other circumstances Collin would be able to live off the land by foraging and hunting, but this was strange land. No one knew exactly how the Bahj worked or what called it home and unfortunately, he was no exception. Collin knew not what berries were poisonous or which animals were edible or even how to kill them. He did not even know which animals were sentient - if the stories told were to be believed- and he would rather starve than take the chance of killing and eating something that thought and felt as he could.

 Yes, one might wonder what he was doing in the army if he couldn’t kill even an animal to live. The truth of the matter is that he had no real choice. One man from every household had been drafted to join and since he would not allow his little brother or father join, he was left to go in their stead. As he’d spent more time in the Myriad’s forces, he came to learn that some of the other soldiers would not think twice about killing anything, whether sentient or not. Some of the worst could kill one of their own comrades, if told to or not, without even blinking. It was incidents like those that made Collin wished he’d never had to join. As his thoughts turned back to food and the task of hunting that awaited him, he hoped he would find something familiar soon, so that the amount of risks he had to take could be lessened. He had no wish to die or to kill something else that shared his wish.

He was deciding on whether he liked the great forest or not when he stumbled over a root and just barely caught himself by grabbing a hold of a tree. It was a beautiful place and yet, it could kill so silently. Collin knew this all too well and, ironically, only thought it reinforced the land’s beauty.

In the part he was currently trekking through, streams of light filtered through the many leaves of the many trees growing there. The soil was a rich reddish color in some places and almost as dark as coco in others. Plant life was in abundance and every once in a while he could see little creatures scurrying to and fro. Whether these creatures ran from something other than himself, he did not know. Moss could be found in almost any place and dangled almost menacingly from the occasional tree. He made not the mistake of thinking the forest was a sunny one. Although the light filtered through the trees and little creatures scurried to and fro, there was a dark and dampness about the place. In certain places where the little critters did not scurry to, but were scurrying from there could be any other type of creature capable of causing great harm. Collin was not ignorant of this, but he saw the beauty in the dimly lit forest ground and the way that life worked together to create something that if not peaceful, then was at least known and alive.

He continued walking on well into the afternoon making sure to look out specifically for more tree roots. And although he did not trip over a single more root that day, he couldn’t quite protect himself fully from tree branches, brambles or any of the other pricklies.

 Right before the sun began to set, exhausted and slightly hungry, Collin set up camp for the night. He didn’t need anything too flashy or complex; just something that would protect him from the elements. Standing back to examine his creation, he had a little more pride for himself than he did when he first started his project. It was not a great long-term shelter, but it would do for the night. He stretched and then proceeded to walk around his camp looking for the necessities of building a fire. He had no food to cook, so that was not the purpose of the fire. The main function of it was to give him comfort as well as to ward off animals within the night. He hoped it would also alert his brigade as to his location if possible. Unfortunately, his comrades may not be the only creatures in the forest to find him. By lighting up his location, the creature he was supposed to be searching for could find him just as easily, if not easier, than that of his squadron.

Once the flame was going nicely, he sat back and took a moment to think. He doubted his ability to escape the Bahj. Not many men before him had entered and returned; especially, when lost. The army was an exception, however, because its members were trained more than the average farmer and traveled in numbers rather than on their lonesome. Collin was not only on his own, but also fairly new to the brutality of living as a soldier. It's not to say he couldn't fight, because he could. He was actually fairly talented at it, but he had already resolved himself to not hunt. He would not risk killing an innocent creature whom could talk and think like anyone else he knew. He figured that these mounting facts only doomed him, even if they were by his own choice. As the day finally caught up to him, his eyes started to shut. With a last spout of energy, he reluctantly pulled himself away from the fire and into his shelter. As his eyes slowly closed he hoped that he would be safe while he slept and then he fell into a deep slumber. The first howls could be heard drifting through the night and from a nearby tree, glowing eyes faded into the night.

 

Reviews

[CecilA]

Would you consider using Paragraph # 3 for you opening paragraph? Try it and see if it appeals to you. Your title: would you consider using Kristahl's name in it? I believe she deserves it and it would add intrigue. You have been given some good ideas by others so I'll wait and see what you do with those before I comment anymore. I love the story so far and appreciate your sharing it with us.

Sincerely, Cecil

[Monster]

Would you be referring to when the story turns to Collin's point of view?

[CecilA]

Your third paragraph: 'Kristahl had been careless and because of that, her life was in danger more than usual. ------' I'm hooked. I have to find out how she had been careless; why her life was in danger and why now more than before. Kristahl? Interesting name. That's why I believe it belongs in your title. 'As fortold' isn't a title that I'd even pick up to look at but that's just me. But if I saw 'Kristahl, -----' I'd be interested just because of the unusual name. I didn't elaborate on the title because that's your call. What title would best suit your premise?

[Monster]

Okay, thank you. I will take the paragraph change into consideration...you helped to give me some ideas. And yes, I may add her name to the title. I didn't spend too much time thinking about it, and I figured I may change the titles once the story was finished. I am glad you have taken such a liking to it. I hope to finish it so that you may read the rest. Thank you for your help!

[Fréyjä Helv..]

I've read your work "Runaway" and I didn't expect you would come up with this. It's an intriguing story. I'm somehow curious and mystified of the prophecy the story is talking about. I'd be looking forward to the next chapter.

well I'm not much of a novel writer, but I think you've got a good story ahead of you. good luck

[Timeless-Chan]

It's an interesting start for sure. I like the mystery, you haven't given away to much but you have given just enough to hook on any reader.

However as you progress with this you will need to go fully in depth with the characters, their background, and just what they are. You need to make them seem 3D, like they could actually be real. Not shallow and 1D.

I suggest that you separate the paragraphs in this. It was hard to read because it's in one intimidating big block of text. It's hard to keep your place and it will repel readers if it's like that which would be a sham because this is actually quite interesting!

The last suggestion I have is to make sure you reread it a few times to make sure it really flows correctly. I spotted a few times where you repeat yourself, you point out that humans don't near her often a few different times which is good and you do give a reason for this but what readers want to know "WHY"; try to give a hint, the reason she has to be afraid of humans, and a bit of background on why she was hiding so far away from humans. This suggestion only applies if you do not plan on including all of that into the rest of the story. If you will be listing reason and background into the rest of the story then forget you read this paragraph and continue on with your life :P

Anyways I really hope you keep up the good work because I'd enjoy reading the rest of this!
~Dreamer!

[Monster]

Thank you so much! Your review reminded me to update it and change some things. Some of the things you mentioned I believe I fixed and others I will have to check later when I read over it again, but thank you a ton. :)

[Timeless-Chan]

Of course, it was really a quite good read! It would certainly make a good novel! So please! Keep up the good work alright!? ^_^

[Monster]

Will do. :)