The Hunger of Sadness

A poem about sadness.

Sometimes my sadness feels a lot like hunger
not mouth-watering, stomach rumbling
but a hunger for something more than I am
I know I am a sea of good things
people soak in my waters and feel refreshed
and greed is the downfall of men
yet I'm striving to be an ocean despite
imminent death
my sadness drives me into my mattress
covers me in blankets
claims it's not sensual yet
ravages my body, takes away my wholeness
and I want to be more than a girl on a futon
on a living room floor
my sadness tells me that.
It says living within my means is not enough
if my means are feeding me with
Ramen and Pinto beans
My sadness looks at the bowl by my bedside
scraped clean by a cheap Walmart spoon
and says "soon 
soon you will stand up to wash this dish
and just like the mess you've made of your life
there will be ten more in the sink
some plates, old food, a rusty knife
what did you think would happen?
Did you honestly imagine that this would be enough?
Yeah sure you grew up 'living rough'
but I watched you wash your clothes in the bathtub
watched you rub the scent of your failures
from your torn leggings and your favorite t-shirt
trust me, I'm watching you hurt
the lines in your forehead are getting deeper
you're missing sleep and your hands shake from
too many nights typing promises you're
not sure you can keep."
I think my sadness is full of itself
that it grew up in a mansion
twenty bedrooms and a gourmet kitchen
gold-rimmed toilet seat so it could s**t on me
in style
and for just a little while, I let it
I let my sadness consume me and
maybe that's why I get so hungry
because sadness works from the inside
taking your pizza crusts, your stomach lining
your accomplishments and your pride
you're an endless dinner buffet
you are Mongolian Barbecue 
and sadness got an extra topping of everything
that meant something to you
you were an ocean of good things
and sadness made you a sea
so perhaps it's not greed that is the downfall
of all men
your downsize is the result of endless lies
that sadness had to tell to keep that cozy mansion
greed leading it to forcing an expansion
numbing your limbs from a control room
that it shouldn't have the password for
it is a temptress
beckoning me to my mattress on my
living room floor
and yeah, sometimes, I'm going to give in
wrap myself in blankets and sink
like a stone in my own sea of sins
because sometimes I have the confidence
to let my sadness think it wins.

Reviews

[flowetry07]

I really like the personification of your emotion here, particulary the part which tpu have sadness a high socio'economic status which to be symbolizes how powerful it has become. Lovely.

[Mylifeinheartbeats]

Thank you so much! I just wrote this today to kind of reflect on my life. I appreciate your words!

[flowetry07]

You are welcome and my apologies for the typos using the keypad on phone and its not the best :(