2-Intrusive Thoughts

Chapter two

Before my brother's death, I had a guardian, I had an Idol, I had hope. Ryan used to tell me that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and that I'm every bit as honorable of a man that he is. For every argument I came up with, he had a reason for me to keep going. I tell him that I'm short and skinny, he'd tell me that I'm quick and agile. I'd tell him that I'm not athletic enough to be quick and agile, he'd tell me that I'd succeed in any sport I wanted to if I applied my intelligence. I'd laugh of course, but he never did. He would look at me with an expression that one would take as if reprimanding a child, and tell me that I was the most intelligent people that he knew.

Ryan was a rottweiler, and I am a chiuaua, except I knew when to back down and never took the disagreement any further. He then would laugh and tell me that if he could pick anybody to be next to him in a foxhole, he wouldn't think twice about it. I said well, I wouldn't pick me, that's for sure. He told me, in contrary, I wouldn't pick anybody but you, and that's for sure.

After three days of anger, tears, and desperately pleading with God for a mistake I was so exhausted I felt as if I were in my own little world of delerium. To even consider sleep was not an option.

It's Monday morning, and it will be the longest morning of my life as I wait for my brother's remains to come home this afternoon.

My emotions seemed to take on a life of their own, sobbing one moment, and punching walls the next. I was grateful my Dad was not here, for he would only succeed in making matters worse.

I decided to try to get out for a walk in town. I could feel the eyes of passer-bys penetrating my soul as I passed them. My eyes fixed on the ground in front of me, but I could hear the gossip had quickly gotten around this small town. I tried my best to ignore them until one of them actually called me by name.

Alan!, Oh my Alan, she ran up to me and collapsed in my arms. Had it not been Ryan's girlfriend, I would have shoved her away from me. Her tears ran down my neck. They were warm, reminding me of the blood my brother had shed. It sent chills up my spine that were literally painful.

I stood there with her, in the middle of town, holding her, comforting her, consoling her as if nobody else were there. The most disturbing thing is that having her in my arms was the first time I felt any kind of peace within the last three days.

What conflicting emotions could possibly be going on in my head now? I don't need this, I have enough to confuse myself with already.

“Sarah,” I whispered. I have to go, I'm sorry. Before today, there was always an awkward relationship between us. It had been obvious to her that I had been attracted to her since 5^th grade.

That is when we were in the same grade, now she's a year ahead of me, but that's a whole other story. For the first time since we've met, that awkwardness was absent. My emotions felt like a vacant safe that had been locked to keep out anything that could ever possibly hurt me again.

A safe that even I didn't have the key to.

Back a few weeks ago, I would have felt like the luckiest boy on Earth, but now... I wanted nothing more than to be left in the prison of solitude I was attempting to create for myself.

Author's Note

Please excuse the grammar. Is the storyline captivating? What can I do to improve? Strengths/weaknesses?