Chapter Ten: The Drill Sergeant and the Deviate

"It is vain for the coward to flee; death follows close behind; it is only by defying it that the brave escape." -Voltaire

"I thought they had figured out I was hydrophobic." I sit in one of the chairs, the video closed and screens showing the desktop. I’m basically panicking. It’s just choosing to manifest in anger instead of fear or anxiety. "This is far worse." I point to the screens, staring down Mr. C. He grips the back of the head chair, deciding to stand. "Why did I have to see this? Why on earth did you think I would want to see this?"

"You had to see what the group is doing. We have to stop this." He says.

"And what? You’re using this crime against humanity as a training exercise? They’re killing people just to mess with my head! You think I can form a good plan right now? I can barely even breathe!"

"Miss Ashler, please calm down. We prepared you for�""

"Bullshit! You didn’t prepare me for any of this! I nearly died because I had no idea how my own body worked! I was too busy learning how the human body works and how to destroy it! You never prepared me to protect people, you prepared me to be a weapon!"

"Miss Ashler, you must save your anger for when you fight them."

"What that your intention?" I’m nearly screaming, and I don’t plan to quiet down. If everyone in this building hears me, then good for them. "To get me mad? Piss off a wild animal and let it loose on your enemies?" I push out of my chair and rise to my feet. "Let me tell you, that is a horrible plan! What guarantee do you have that I won’t destroy the building and everyone in it? You never taught me about restraint! You never taught me about conserving energy! You never even told me about holding back! I never learned to save energy! I never learned to save anything!"

"Miss Ashler. We have a containment unit made especially for you. I don’t think you want to go there."

A sickening cackle rips through my throat and I start laughing. "You think you can get me to do what you want anymore?" I extend my hand to him. "Go on! Touch me! Try to get me to do anything you want me to!" He doesn’t even entertain the thought of it. "What if I explode? Right now? What do you do? Shoot me? Handcuff me?"

"If you were to�"" He begins before I finish speaking. There’s a brief silence where both of us pause, and he begins speaking. He only gets out, "We have a protocol�"" Before I interrupt him.

"If I freak out, right now, you are dead!" I scream over Mr. C., completely silencing and stilling him. He needs to get the truth into his manipulating mind.

I unleash the anger and yelling he did when he disciplined me. "You know that! You created me! You know what I’m capable of! You know I’m nearly indestructible! And you can’t kill me because you need me!" Mr. C. actually looks concerned instead of blankly apathetic. "Admit it! You can’t touch me!"

Something inside him snaps. He suddenly breaks out in this spastic tick, slamming his palms on the table and his face twitching. His lips part but his teeth stay glued together. His eyebrows tilt inward and he stands up as if all his joints are locked. "What do you want me to do?" He shouts. There’s the hostility I’ve grown up with in the place of love.

It doesn’t take a moment for me to think about it. I know exactly what I want. "I want you to realize what you’ve done! You created a monster for selfish reasons and didn’t even consider the repercussions! You made a weapon you could control to do your dirty work! You lied to me, you betrayed me, you used me. All the death, suffering and destruction is on you. I’m tired of feeling guilt over something I had no control of."

He sits in silence for a while. He stares at the desk in front of him, elbows propped against it. He folds his fingers together and presses them to his lips. "Miss Ashler," He finally says, his words getting caught in a thick wall that separates us in the air. "Do you believe in nature or nurture?"

"Nurture." I answer immediately and confidently. They made me into the exact opposite of what I want to be. I wasn’t born bad. I wasn’t born a mindless killing machine. They made me that way.

Mr. C. smirks the slightest bit. It’s a sadistic, bloodthirsty smile. He looks up at me, his eyebrows low and casting a shadow on the rest of his face. "We believed it was a combination of both." His voice is lower and raspier than normal. He seems more of a psychopath than he ever did a father figure. "Why do you think we chose your particular body to host mankind’s greatest weapon?"

I take a step back, pushing the chair across the room. My legs begin trembling as his words sink in. He’s lying. He’s lying to me. Call him out on his lie! "That’s not true." Even my voice is shaking. "That’s not true. You’re lying. All you do is lie to me."

"You know we chose your bodies for a reason. You know we were looking for specific traits." His voice wavers like a purr, and I feel like I’m the weak one. "I don’t think you realize, but you were such a hateful girl. You were violent. You were a fighter." He pauses, dragging out my death instead of ending it quickly. "You wanted to kill." My heart is in my ears, neck, chest, arms and legs, ripping at my skin. I was put into the body of a girl who starved herself. A girl who was willing to end her life to be happy. This body’s been working for eighteen years, and the person in it always hates it. "You were, and always have been, a killer."

My brain turns off and my instincts take over. I whip around and run, throwing the doors open. I burst through the halls, brushing past anyone who gets in my way. I don’t know where I’m going. I just need to be alone. I need to get out of here I need to get away now.

Even in one of my more humanoid states, I don’t fit in with the military. I didn’t sign up for anything of this. I never wanted this.

If I was more of a mutant, I could listen for a room without a heartbeat and dash into it. I only hear the marching of soldiers. I’m not tall enough to naturally part the crowds. I’m just a freak in a sports bra, tattered shorts and with bare feet. My hair’s barely at my ears, I’m moments from hysteria and I have no idea what bizarre shade of crazy my eyes are.

I need to get onto the roof. That’s where I need to go. That’s where I’m safe. Up ahead, there’s a stairwell with a window outlooking the world. I hurry to the window, force it open without shattering the glass and slip outside. I squeeze out and pull myself four feet up, kicking the window closed behind me.

I scramble to the middle of the roof and fall to my knees. I let my legs bend and my chest collapses onto my thighs. My forearms land next to my legs, locking the outside world out. I don’t want to see my team. I don’t want to see Mav. I need to be alone, I need to be away from people.

I wasn’t a killer. I never wanted to kill. It was never my intention to hurt anyone. I’m not a murderer. I’m a hero. "Please, God, don’t make me a monster." My voice goes right into the roof and back at my face. Nowhere near God.

It’s too late. The truth whispers weakly in my mind. I’ve already prayed that.

I shut my eyes, clench my fingers and curl my toes. I pull myself into a tighter ball and pretend I don’t feel the wind on my back or anything at all.

"What about Seattle?" Andrew asks, pointing to the Washington city on our map of the world. We have it taped to Andrew’s walls, sticking tacks into every city our trio is going to visit. So far, we have San Francisco, Rio de Janeiro Tokyo, Paris, Madrid, Rome, Berlin and Seoul.

"Nope." I say almost immediately.

"Yeah, not happening." Ty’s answer is a second behind mine.

"Aw, come on. Why not?" Andrew asks.

"Dude, you trying to kill Blondie? It rains there like, every eight minutes." Ty says.

"Really? I was thinking more along the lines of their football team is the worst ever." I tell him.

He nods. "Solid point. We’d have to deal with the Seattle Seachickens."

"Fine. Any ideas?" Andrew asks.

"Vegas." It doesn’t take me a second to come up with my response.

"Vegas?" Andrew sounds beyond confused.

"Think about it. Everyone smells like smoke and dresses like strippers. I’ll fit right in." That’s what the movies portray it as, at least.

Ty gasps so sharply I can’t believe it when he doesn’t pass out. "I’ll be with professional betters! The land of bets! Gambling! Slot machines! Craps! Poker! I’m so in!"

"Majority." I remind Andrew. He sticks a pin in southern Nevada.

"Budapest?" He asks.

I shrug. "Sure."

"Ty?" Andrew and I turn to Ty, his head slightly tilted at the map, mouth barely open.

"Monte Carlo." He says.

"You get Vegas! No more gambling!" I snap.

"No more gambling?" He tilts his head even further. "I don’t understand."

I roll my eyes, a slight smirk growing on my face. He sounds sincerely confused. "How about we go to the Great Wall of China? I’ll race you guys across."

"Uh," Andrew shoots me a nervous glance. "Let’s not destroy one of Earth’s most famous landmarks. We can visit the wall, along with the Taj Mahal in Agra."

"How romantic." I coo. I clasp my hands together and hold them to my right cheek. "Are you going to propose to Ty there?" I ship Tyndrew. I ship it so hard1

"You wish." Ty says, folding his arms across his chest in the sassiest way imaginable. Andrew places the pin in the northern half of India.

"Melbourne or Sydney?" I ask, my eyes looked on Australia.

"Someone wants to go to Australia." Ty elbows Andrew.

"Of course I do. It starts with an A. Everything good starts with an A." I tell him. "Amber Ashler? Acing a test? Accomplishment, acceptance, awarding, admirable, alacrity, acclaimed--"

"Auschwitz." Ty says. He faces Andrew. "Come on, man. Back me up."

"Dude, my name starts with an A. And besides, angels." He says.

"Fine, whatever. I’m the air mutant, I’m in on this." Ty pouts.

I put my hands on my hips and raise an eyebrow. I turn to Andrew. "I don’t think that should count."

"You’re right. That seems too easy." He answers.

"A*****e starts with an A. And annoying and awful and atrocious." Ty starts firing back.

"Aw, he’s upset." I tease.

"Screw you guys, I’m getting the human dictionary." Ty says. He whips around and makes a break for the library.

"Hey! Get back here!" I start sprinting after him. He kicks the door down, Andrew exclaims, "Really, man?" And I chase him out. He heads straight for the railing and dives forward, his stomach skimming the railing. I’m moments behind him, hurling myself over the rail after him. We both fall to the floor from three stories, but I catch up to him before we fit. I wrap my arms around his ribs, locking tight. He tries to pull up before we completely obliterate the ground, and I lean back to help. We sharply angle up, launching up towards the ceiling. We each get out a different and very vulgar obscenity before smashing into the ceiling like flies against a swatter. The material holds up against my heat, only melting at my touch. I start to laugh as I fall, and Ty begins to regain consciousness. "I always have to save you." I put my arms around his chest underneath his armpits, grabbing onto my elbows. Fire shoots from my heels, and I slow down our fall. I set Ty down on the ground. He slowly sits up.

"What happened?" He asks, reaching for his head.

"You know what else starts with an A?" I ask.

"Adolf?"

"What is with you and the Holocaust today?"

"Cody’s a nerd. Told Andrew. Andrew wouldn’t shut up about it. Axis starts with an A, too."

"So does allies. So does allegiance."

"Don’t forget awkward and abnormal."

"You seem to think those affect me."

"Oh yeah? What about aqua?"

I’m dead silent for a while. Staring at Ty with fish eyes, questioning what I value in life, who I am and what it means for me to live. "Fine." I finally admit. "You win."

"What?" Ty shouts, bursting up. "You surrender? You give up? You lose by choice? Who are you?"

"Hey, shut up, or A will stand for asphyxiation." To be even more of a punk, I add, "Ty, the Guy who Can Die."

"You know, if I didn’t know you better, I’d say you hated me." He says.

"I do. Deep down, I do. But I would hate living without you more."

"That’s never going to happen, Blondie. You’re stuck with me forever. Andrew, too. It’ll be the three of us against the world."

"Ty?"

"Yeah?"

"You’re getting blood all over the floor. You cut your head open."

He nods. "I could tell. It kind of happens a lot."

I jump to my feet and offer him my hand. "Come on. Let’s get you to Dr. M." I pull him onto his feet and let him put his weight on me.

Forever is relative. For children of guns, forever is significantly shorter than average.

"Miss Ashler?" A high, feminine voice breaks the hours of solace I spend staring into the distance. I pull my head to the left, where my favorite doctor pokes her head over the building and into view. Her hair is still as short and curly and dark as forever, her face still round and eyes wide. She isn’t as short as I remember.

"How’d you know I would be up here?" I ask.

"I didn’t. Mr. Jason did." She answers.

I perk up. "Andrew’s awake?"

"Yes. You may see him, if you wish."

My immediate thoughts are to bolt to my feet and hurry into the building. My second, more reasonable thoughts remind me not to be naive. The world is full of liars and manipulators. Mr. C. lied to me. How do I know Dr. M. never did? "Why should I trust you?"

"Miss Ashler," Her tone pours sympathy. "I know you’ve been through a lot. But your friends have, as well. They request your company."

"Who, exactly, did?"

"Mr. Jason. He was the first to regain consciousness. Then Mr. Zachary. Another one, he said you knew him. A blonde human boy with tattoos."

"Where’s that boy?"

"I can take you to him."

"No, I want you to tell me where he is. I can go to him myself."

"Second floor. Room two-oh-seven. It’s on the northern end, left side. We have some clothes for you, as well."

I’m not a fan. The shirt they give me is a long-sleeved white shirt with a neckline that’s supposed to hug the bottom of my throat. It’s made for me at my full height and width, and on my current frame, it’s enormous. It’s practically a dress, the sleeves eating my hands alive. They stick me in a pair of large gray cargo pants with deep pockets going up and down the sides. Prepared for the one and only champion, I have to roll the waistline up, fold it over and pull it up to my waist-- beneath my shirt, of course-- before I can even walk. They still cover my bare feet. It’s ridiculous.

Room two-oh-seven has no label on the door. I don’t hear any screaming coming from inside. That should appease me at least a little, but it doesn’t. It just allows my imagination to go crazy.

I don’t hesitate. I don’t knock, I open the door quickly. The room is small, frankly an expanded supply closet, with a single table. At one end is Kayd, gathering papers as Mav sits with his right forearm resting on the chair and legs straightening underneath the table. He sits up when his eyes meet mine.

"You can go now." I tell Kayd.

He doesn’t pay me the respect of looking at me. He continues pulling his things into files. "You’re the captain now?"

"I was always meant to be. I’m the captain of the strongest team in the world." I spit each syllable out with hostility and venom. We were once so comfortable with each other. Now, I feel as if I drop my guard, he will hurry to destroy me.

"I am the captain of the strongest army in the world." He retorts, raising an eyebrow in possibly the cockiest way manageable. He’s trying to anger me. He’s testing me. He stands, files tucked in his armpits, and walks towards the door I currently obstruct. I do not move.

"Debatable." I tell him. "Your army is, besides extremely controversial, brutal and hateful." Even his own subordinates hate him. I look him right in the eyes. He doesn’t have the stones to look me in mine. He stares at the doorknob over my shoulders. I walk past him, deciding he’s not worth another second. He exits and I sit down. I stare at the door, fingers curling inward tightly.

Mav, quite contrary to me, seems jovial. "What’s good?"

He can’t even finish before I’m hissing, "I hate him." My eyes are fixated on the door, my mouth curled into a snarl.

Mav chuckles, almost forcefully. "I’m gonna have to agree with you."

Stop being rude. I snap at myself. He’s glad to see you, let him know you’re glad to see him. "Sorry." I rip my gaze from the door and let my hatred ooze out onto the tabletop and not Mav. Once I no longer have the urge to scream, I wave the anger from my face and return his look. "I’m having a bad day."

"You’re not the only one." His eyes drift away, and the spark of anger threatens to ignite.

"What did he ask you? Did they do anything?"

"Full physical examination. Butt naked and everything. They even made me take out my piercings." He sounds least upset at the nudity. "Then they asked me pretty much everything about me. Where was I born, who are my parents, what my full name is, how I met you, what my butt tattoo means..."

A short laugh surprises me. "Yeah, right. After they asked you who your first kiss was with and how much tongue you used."

"He did ask about my ‘romantic relations’ with what he described as ‘the fire soldier.’"

"No way."

"Seriously. I’m not lying."

"What’d you say?"

"I told him all about my feelings and innermost desires." He rolls his eyes. My sarcasm is contagious. "I told him that it was none of his damn business, and it’s not important."

I cringe, easily picturing this young punk saying that to Kayd and the old man’s reaction. "What’d he say after that?"

"Well, the old fart hates me even more." He gives me a weak smile. "I’m kind of used to that."

"Yeah," I move my pointer finger in a circle along the smooth metal of the table. "I’m not well liked around here, either."

"Were you? At one point?"

I scoff. "They’d do anything for me. They worshipped me before I went on this mission."

"Was I the one to ruin everything?"

"Ruin? You didn’t ruin anything. I opened my eyes when I met real, honest people." People who hadn’t been fed Mr. C.’s lies since birth.

"Yeah, K.B. and her dyed hair are real."

"Oh, shut up." I’d elbow him if I could. "Take my compliment and be grateful." The only other person who couldn’t take compliments to save his life was humble, ever-loving Andrew. Andrew. My teammate who woke up and is recovering in the hospital. I burst to my feet. "Come on." I tell Mav. "We’re going to meet my team."

The infirmary is downstairs between the left corner and the middle of the building. I push both doors open, Mav trailing close behind me. I scan the enormous room, scanning each hospital bed for my team. I find half of it in the far end and run as fast as I can. I almost run into a nurse delivering liquid supplements to reach them.

I see Cody first. He has a few cuts and bruises here and there. He sits up, too preoccupied flipping through a book. His right leg is in a thick cast, propped up by a latch coming down from the ceiling. Next to him is Andrew. Bandages cover his arms and wrap around his head, a blanket pulled up to his chest. There are huge bags under his eyes, his breathing is loud and heavy. His face, once smoother than marble, has clear pores, wrinkles and bumps. He looks like he’s sick and dying. My stomach hits the floor. I’m in horrible shape myself, and I look nowhere as bad as he does. I’m running around, able bodied and strong, he’s confined to a hospital bed with an IV in his right wrist. My left hand covers my mouth as it drops open. He’s on life support. I can see his heart beat, slow and weak. He’s doodling on a napkin when he notices me. We don’t make a sound, our expressions say it all. I rush to his bedside, my back to Cody.

"I missed you." He says. His voice isn’t full and silky like it usually is. It’s weak. It’s cracking, it’s crumbling, it’s falling apart. He tries to smile, but it seems to hurt him.

"I missed you, too. I thought you guys were going to die." I admit.

"How could I die without going to a gay pride parade?" He asks. I can’t stand to see him like this. I’ve never looked down on him before. I’ve never seen him vulnerable. I’ve never seen him hurt. I try to return his smile. I can’t mask my concern. His eyes drift to my right. "Who’s that?"

I turn, almost to check to see if Mav’s still here. "This is Mav. He’s a human." I say. Mav shoots me a look. You just had to tell him that.

"I’m guessing this one’s…" Mav looks at Andrew. He squints before saying, "Andrew?" He couldn’t sound less sure.

"She told you about me?" Andrew’s mood brightens.

"Of course I did." I assure him.

"Is he a soldier?" Andrew asks.

I shake my head. "Not at all." I twist my head to face Mav, taking note of the features that stand out to me. Vibrant green eyes, soft smile, small nose, sharp jawline, tan skin like dark gold, his gaze on me has compassion instead of hate. "He’s a sweetheart."

Andrew smiles an ingenuous, true smile. "Nice, man." He bobs his head to Mav, a rhythmic nod. "She never compliments anyone. She’s never even serious." Nothing is insulting coming from Andrew. I decide that if I need to deliver upsetting news, I will have Andrew do it.

Mav chuckles, an imperfect, quick exhale of two short breaths. "Believe me, I know." He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and my knees pop. With my sleeves covering my hands, I reach around his hips. I can’t get my eyes off him, and I don’t want to try. "But she’s worth it." I try not to faint. I never want this to stop. "Most of the time."

"Most of the time?" I pull my arm away and elbow him in the gut. He takes in a sharp breath before laughing. I return my arm around his waist. "All the time. I’m the best thing you’ve ever known."

"Only because I don’t know any models." He retorts.

"I could be a model if I wasn’t so hot." I announce loudly.

Andrew chortles at my poor joke. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." I say.

"Amber?" Cody asks from behind me. I roll my eyes up and spin around to face Kelli’s boy toy. I leave Mav with the far more charismatic Andrew, and they start discussing the situation and how Mav and I met immediately. It’s like my wedding and Andrew’s my cherished relative from out of state.

"That’s still my name. Miss me, Shakespeare?" I ask.

"She appreciated the sonnet." He says.

"Did you doubt me?" I ask, folding my arms across my chest and raising an eyebrow.

"There were moments in which I did." He admits.

"We’ll have to work on that. Any progress on what FF13 means?"

He nods. "I located a computer file that contained five images. Each had a four-character code and a headshot portrait of… presumably us. Prior to our expiration and mutation."

"I don’t suppose you have them, do you?"

"I couldn’t gain personal access to the files without alerting the administrator and network. However, I remember them very distinctly. I underwent the littlest alterations, Andrew only experienced a different eye color, as did Ty. Kelli’s skin pigment became significantly paler, her hair darkened, her eyes also changed. You were paler and had blue eyes. All of us were subjected to an embellishment of sorts."

"So FF13 is like a license plate? Something to distinguish us by?"

"That’s what it appears to be. Although, I have one perturbing thought."

"What would that be?"

"The personnel who created us ‘did everything for a reason.’ I cannot believe these characters were selected at random. They must portend something. It may be associated with our facial expressions."

"Wait, we were conscious when they took these pictures?"

"Indubitably. I appeared apprehensive. Andrew looked melancholy, Ty seemed to be in incredulity. Kelli looked beyond indignant. You were inexorable. Vindictive. It was…" He shudders. "Jarring, to put it simply."

"Did our parents send in pictures of us?"

"I considered that and believed it to be the case until I noticed a final detail." He pauses, proceeding cautiously as if on a mine field. "All of us were wearing identical clothes."

"What? What clothes?"

"They only photographed the collarbone up. From what I observed, we all had vacant white shirts. Oh, and you may have been wearing mascara."

"How long were you looking at these files?"

"Around one minute."

I glance at the door. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. C. and Kayd come barreling through, declaring that Cody and I know too much. "They’re hiding something from us. I think they know we’re figuring it out."

Cody had returned to his lonely reading long before Mav and I were ushered out for dinner. Kelli and Ty are still in the operating room, where surgeons are currently trying to piece together what was destroyed. They’d better not screw up and ruin them.

The hallways are empty for once. All the soldiers are getting food. Mav hits the cafeteria quickly and returns to sit on my left in the hallway. "Did Andrew act like my protective older brother?" I ask. He presses his back to the wall and slides down on my left.

"He wasn’t over the top. He just asked who I was and how we met."

"How many times have you had to say that today?"

"More than I’ve ever had to. But the story gets better every time I tell it."

"Let’s hear it. What is this, your fourth draft?"

He clears his throat in an unnecessarily theatrical manner. "My name is Mav, I was born in Montana nineteen years ago. There was nothing special about me until my parents exploded and I was raised by wolves." He accentuates each word with expressive and dramatic hand motions.  "I tried to fit in with them. Wolves aren’t pack animals, though. They’re aggressive gang animals. I knew I wouldn’t be accepted into the biggest gang, so I joined the smallest one with these two girls, orphaned as I was. They were the only people who cared for me, and we formed a bond tighter than any of the other wolves had formed with each other. We weren’t one of them, not even close. We were happier, though. We fought pirates and solved crimes together until we teamed up with this older boy. With our group of four, we decided to leave the wolves and live life the way we wanted to. On the way to adventure, we found this chick lying on the ground in the middle of nowhere. She woke, needed our help. Turns out the wasteland beauty was witty and caring and insane and also a fire mutant with crazy super powers. The end."

I start clapping loudly as he takes a bow. "Bravo! I cried a little when you talked about the outsiders being the happiest."

"Since when could you cry?" He asks.

With my covered hands, I reach my right arm across my body to cup his left cheek. He puts his left arm around my hip and we practically turn one hundred eighty degrees inward. "Since I could touch you."

He smiles deeply, his eyes halfway closed. "How long does it last?" He sounds calm, like he’s in some sort of trance.

"I don’t know." I return his dreamy tone. "Not forever."

"If you need forever, you aren’t doing it right."

"Then let’s get it right."

He leans in, eyes closing. He tilts his head to the left, and I do the same. I mirror what he does, except my eyes remain open. They drop to his lips, and I pull my head back. "No," I tell him, retracting my hand and slithering away from his. "We can’t." His eyes open, and he’s wide awake.

"What’s wrong?" He asks.

"You produce saliva. My outside may appear human, but there’s fire. We’d just destroy each other." I say, wishing with all my heart that I could be human for just a moment. "I’m sorry. I knew we wouldn’t be able to. I shouldn’t have allowed it to get this far."

He just smiles at me. "Hey. We don’t have to touch. That’s not what makes a relationship. Not a real one, at least."

I don’t understand. Kelli and Cody could kiss. They could go all the way if they wanted, yet they don’t. They can, and they don’t. I can’t imagine it. They have not one reason to resist the temptation, the desires. Maybe people who’ve grown up touching don’t feel the urges I do. No, they must just be the idiots they are, and refuse to admit that they love each other.

Those two never cease to confuse me.

"Emotions and feelings are infinitely more complicated than math or any subject." I declare.

He nods. "They never teach us to understand them because we can’t. They don’t make sense. They’re stupid, they’re inconvenient, they can be a pain in the a*s. They usually are." He’s so casual about this. He just accepts it.

"They have no logic?"  

"None."

"Maybe that’s why I always need contingency plans."

He laughs, and he draws it out. It echoes down the empty hallways, it remains in the air for longer than any words could. "Yeah. It probably is."

Kelli comes out of surgery at eight o’clock. Ty follows her two hours later. They are not conscious by eleven o’clock, when Mav and I are kicked out before the three guys can finish their poker game. (Cody got screwed over. Dude had a royal flush.)

Mav is given his own quarters. We talk until midnight, when he finally drifts to sleep. I leave the room to let him rest, and I remain in the lonely, dark hallways for a little while. Almost everyone is asleep. The only ones awake are the guards monitoring the cameras with no blind spots.

This is the best chance I have at finding out what FF13 means.

If I had more power, I could pass through the walls as fire unbound by physics. However, I doubt I do, and even if I did, I’d have to save it. I’m going to have to sneak around like a human would. My hair is barely past my chin, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. The vents are too small for any human over the age of two to crawl through, I’ll have to make an excuse to be sneaking around. They have the cameras for a reason, it would be stupid to ruin our defenses just to sneak around. besides, Ty and I have spent years breaking and entering, violating privacy and evading capture. This shouldn’t be too difficult.

I’m going to need Cody. I can tell the people I’m showing him around the compound, but why would I need to give him a tour at midnight? I suppose I could say that I need to talk to him and I’m too anxious to hold still. That’s good enough. I just have to sell it. I could fake a panic attack and hurry over to the hospital. I can do that.

I start breathing quicker, taking in shorter and shorter breaths. I start pacing back and forth, I run my hands through my short hair. I fidget and twist, spastically shaking. I take huge breaths in and hold them in until any spectator would think I was about to explode. I throw my arms down and sprint for the hospital. I fumble with the doorknob for a moment before opening it, my sleeves slipping around the handle, and storm to Cody’s bed. He’s sleeping on his right side, back to Andrew. I stand to the left of his bed, tapping my foot viciously. "Hey." I make sure my voice waivers as I "try" to whisper. Cody doesn’t respond. "Hey. Cody." He doesn’t even move. I guess I shouldn’t expect more from the first. I put my hand on the edge of the bed and shake it. "Cody. Wake up." I shake a little harder, making Cody roll slightly.

His eyes open, and I cease my harrassment. He rubs his eyes and sits up. "Amber?" He asks.

"Get up. I need to talk to you now." I order him.

"What is it?" He asks.

"Up. Now. We need to talk. I don’t want to wake everyone."

"I don’t know if I’m allowed--"

"I don’t care." I am the one with authority when it comes to my team. I make the calls, I make the decisions. I can see in his face that Cody understands it.

"Okay." He flicks the blankets off, makes his bed like the dork he is, and walks next to me. I’ve never seen him so exposed. He normally never wears anything less than jackets and pants. He now wears a hospital gown, which is less than what I usually wear. That being said, I’m always burning. And even I don’t appreciate my puns.

I lead him out the hospital and down the halls. "I needed to talk to someone." I announce loudly. "Andrew needs his rest, Ty and Kelli aren’t even a possibility."

"What about Mav?"

"Don’t you think I would turn to someone else if I could? I’m going to be honest, Cody. If you all were dying, I’d probably save you last."

"Including the human?"

"Yes."

"That doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand. If it was the team, it would be logical because I am the least powerful and primal experiment. However, the human--"

"The human means a lot to me," I interject, silencing Cody. "I haven’t known him long, but he’s worth fighting for. If you think otherwise or don’t understand, I don’t care."

"You don’t seem to care about much."

"You’re right. I only care about keeping people alive."

"You don’t care for honor? Integrity? Your reputation?"

"I never had honor or integrity, and my reputation is beyond saving."

"Pardon my inquisition, you appear different."

"How so?"

"Less bombastic, more pessimistic, less confident and more hopeless."

"Well, you would be, too, if you’ve gone through what I have."

"I will try to understand."

I shake my head. "You’re not the person I want to have this conversation with. We need to talk about other things."

"Like what?"

I lower my voice. "The security’s as low as it’s ever going to be right now. We need to take advantage of this."

"How so?"

"What do you think? We get on a computer and hack the mainframe or whatever you do. Come on, I know where one is."

I lead him upstairs where Mr. C. showed me the horrible video. The lock breaks without me really trying. Cody steps into the dark room. Even the first has night vision. He strolls up to the closest computer, boots it up and starts typing.

I look over his shoulder. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"Overriding the password as the administrator." He tells me.

"Then what?"

"I can then attain access to every file." He hits enter, and the home screen pops up. "Success." He opens the library. "Pictures or documents?"

"Search FF13 or our names." I suggest. He types in FF13. The computer takes a few seconds to load, then reveals only one file. The text document entitled "Read Me" barely needs any data. Cody and I exchange a nervous look that agrees: we need to proceed cautiously.

He clicks on it, taking his time to drag the mouse over. He’s probably giving me time to change my mind. I stay still and silent. The file begins to open, loading for what I would classify as forever. I lean closer to the screen, my hands slightly raised to block whatever attack awaits me. Cody does the opposite. He leans back, stretching his arms that rest on the keyboard. The only sound is the hum of the monitor as the file loads. Neither of us dare to guess what it is. Either because we don’t want our minds to imagine what it could be or we don’t want to jinx it. Whatever our reasoning, we both share the philosophy: silence is golden.

The screen starts to darken, and Cody shakes the mouse. A box pops up with a little ping, and the two of us both jump. It’s a miracle neither of us karate chop the computer. We read the text on the screen. Please input password.

"What?" Cody asks, rereading to check if he sees the wrong thing. "I already have." He retypes the password, and the computer responds with red characters spelling out the harsh truth. Incorrect password. "This can’t be." He types it again, and the computer gives him the same two words and a new buzzing sound. Cody tries three more times, each sound growing in volume and the words in all uppercase bold. On the final try, Cody hits enter and the screen goes black. We turn to each other. What’s going on?

A little box appears on screen. Shutting down. Security alerted.

"S**t!" The word shoots out of my mouth before I even know I’m thinking it. We have to get out of here without being seen, and we have to go now. I spin around in a quick three-sixty, scanning the room for hiding places or escape routes. No windows, there’s a table. No, only five-year-olds accept that as a decent spot. Besides, there table was built with a massive hole in the middle. If Kelli was here, she’d take us into the safety of the shadows. Into the realm of darkness that inhibits this room. Ty would make us invisible. Andrew could negotiate his way out of here and make friends with the guards in the process. Cody could annoy the guards. I could kill them. Our chances are not good.

Cody pushes himself away from the computer and starts pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself. He’s no help. Okay, plan. I need a plan. It has to be humanly possible, which eliminates about all of my past solutions to similar circumstances. There’s no way fire gets us out of here.

Fire, no. Water? I may have an idea.

"Cody!" I whisper. He rips his head up and stops. I point at the door. "Leave a trail of water from there," I move my arm onto the ground and across the room as I tell him, "All the way over there! They’ll slip, we run, I weld the door shut, we erase the footage!"

He nods and we run to the door. I stand with my back next to it, praying my glow is too dim to notice. The door opens to the left, I am on the right. I will be able to do a one eighty to escape. Cody puts his hands on the ground and hurries along the room until he reaches the opposite wall. He sprints over, and I move to the right. He presses his back practically on the doorframe. He’s slower, so he needs all the help he can get. Also, he might block some of my light.

We hear their footsteps and try to cease our panting. I think we both just end up holding our breath. My heart is going off like a machine gun, and I’m terrified. All the shenanigans Ty and I got into was never like this. It was never legitimate trouble, and we knew there would never be any legitimate punishment. Mr. C. would often just send us to our rooms for the day if we were reprimanded at all. That won’t be the case here. I have no idea what these guards will do. That worries me. What horrifies me out of my mind is that I know exactly what Kayd will do. I’m not scared for myself as I am for my team and Mav above all.

Cody’s sweating like crazy. I can smell it. Another reason to hate water: it reeks. I try to sidetrack myself by ranting on my favorite pet peeve: the unnoticed and rarely stated disgustingness of humans.

It doesn’t work. Because I am afraid of humans right now.

The door is kicked open, and the automatic weapon firing in my chest freezes. Four guards rush in, all armed with enough firepower to execute a small town. They have small flashlights on the barrels of the guns and point them in every corner of the room. Cody’s pale and about to pass out as the guards linger in the hallway. I was expecting them to rush in, and I start panicking. Contingency plan. What’s my contingency plan?

There’s a motto Ty coined years ago. His never-fail safety net. When all else fails, convince them you’re the victim. He had told me, "I don’t care if you have to cry and say you got beat, you lie. You seem weak. You seem innocent." I had disregarded his words. Cry? Admit defeat? Be a weak little damsel in distress? Ridiculous. I’ll never need such a thing.

I’ve got a plan. I step out and reveal myself, hands up. "Thank God you’re here!" I don’t have to act out of breath and scared beyond words. All the guards whip towards me, shining their flashlights in my eyes. I’m sure I seal the deal with my expression. "We heard a noise coming from in here and these guys knocked us out!"

"Who’s we?" A guard asks.

"Cody." I point at him with my chin, and he steps out with his hands up. The flashlights shine in his face, and he looks ready to pass out. He slumps onto his knees, and I don’t know if he’s faking it or not.

"I need to go back to the hospital." He says.

"What about those people? They could be in here somewhere." I protest.

"No. Hospital." Cody interjects. The guards help him to his feet and we rush downstairs. Running at the head of the pack, my mind retracts to the file they protected so fiercely. All the passwords, the security, the computer shutting down… whatever they’re hiding, they’re willing to kill to keep it hidden. And I, in turn, would die to expose it.

We restore Cody to his bed, and I get a glimpse of Kelli and Ty.

Kelli has bandages wrapped over her eyes and stitches all over her white body. She is no longer beautiful. Half of her hair was shaved, leaving the left side of her head bald with only bandages to cover it. Her once smooth face is stained with cuts and purple spots and has a severely swollen nose. Her neck is in a brace, the rest of her underneath a blanket. Cody’s lucky he doesn’t see her.

Ty is, by far, in the worst condition. He has a metal brace around his heavily bandaged forehead, patches and butterfly closures holding the red lines all across his face closed. His mouth hangs open, his jaw in a brace similar to the one on his head. His neck is all right, swollen and red, until you see his collarbone. I can see the peak of stitches that descend down into his chest and out of sight. I turn away. I can’t look anymore.

"Miss Ashler?" A guard asks me. I bring myself to focus on them. "We have a few questions for you."

I describe the most common features I’ve noted in group members, careful not to say too much and give myself away. They release me, and I wander the halls until time brings a new day of despair, danger and misfortune. There is little room left for much else.

Mav is not an early riser. But you know who is? Cody. He’s awake by five o’clock, an hour before they wake up Andrew for a blood test. Cody is discharged then, and Andrew follows an hour later. They head for the cafeteria, and I ask them to pick something delicious for Mav when he wakes. I promise to stay with Kelli and Ty in case they regain consciousness. Andrew and I have the silent agreement to tell Ty that he’s been asleep for five years.

All of us are highly regenerative. What would take a human months of healing and years of physical therapy take us maybe two days. I stand, now too hot for the chairs. The clothing is smaller, the collar tighter on my neck. The pants are shorter, my hair is just about at the bottom of my shoulder blades. I’m probably around six feet and eight inches right now. I’ve grown a foot since last night, and at this rate, I’ll be at my usual height by tomorrow.

Cody and Andrew return. I take the plate and head to Mav’s room. I knock, and his voice greets me. I push the door open, and he jumps at my sight. "Whoa, you got tall!" He points out.

"I get taller." I say, putting the tray on the edge of his bed. My eyes work their way up and get caught on something. The breath leaves my lungs suddenly. He’s not wearing a shirt. He wasn’t lying when he said he had a six pack. Dude is muscular. What I wouldn’t give to be able to touch his tanned skin. My eyes catch on his tribal tattoo of a bird in flight in maroon. It goes from the top of his ribcage to the bottom, going diagonally. He looks amazing.

I have to tell myself to stop staring.

"What about your hair?" He asks, obviously trying to get my attention back.

I hold my hand to my waist. "Right about here."

"Wow. Everything about you is stunning." He walks over to me, now at least half a foot shorter.

"Like my sarcasm."

He chuckles. "Sure is." His eyes drop to my hands before returning right back to my eyes. "I can’t touch you through the fabric, can I?"

"If that was the case, I would have introduced myself with a hug."

He smiles and asks, "What’d you do all night?"

"To be honest, that was one of the calmest nights I’ve had in a while."

"What about your team? How are they?"

"Two are discharged. The other two are out of surgery and unconscious. You want to visit them with me?"

"Sure. Just let me get a shirt on."

"You’re shirtless? I hadn’t noticed."

"Ha, ha." He responds with absolutely no emotion.

A voice booms on the intercom, blasting the walls off the framework of the building. "Ashler! Report to room two-fifteen right now!" Kayd screams at me, but everyone suffers from it.

"Great." I mumble. "I’ll see you after the regular lecture." I leave, heading down the hall. Two-fifteen is pretty much in the middle of the second floor. Not too far. I kind of wish it was. I open the door, walk into another conference room and sit down without acknowledging Kayd. He grips the edge of the table seemingly strong enough to break the wood into splinters. Sweat drips down his temples and one of the veins in his head is throbbing. He grinds his teeth together, his lips parted in a sneer. He leans far over the table, and it almost looks like aggressive table humping. I decide that I don’t care if I melt the chair. So I sit and fold my arms across my chest. I stare Kayd in his eyes, and there’s nowhere as much emotion as mine as in his. I hold my chin down and eyes up, like a moody teenager. I slump in my chair and straighten my legs underneath the table. I have to warm my eyes up for the rolling. "What?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. I succeed in sounding like I have infinitely more important things to do. And I actually do.

"Care to explain yourself?" He shouts, nearly spitting on me.

"Care to quit playing the vague game and tell me what you’re talking about?" I ask. When caught: playing dumb is always plan A.

"You know what I’m talking about! Explain what happened last night with you and Zachary in the conference room last night!" He’s going to pop a blood vessel. I can faintly hear his heart going faster than he can spit words at me.

"You didn’t hear? Your compound’s been infiltrated. We heard something, went to check it out, got knocked out. You’re lucky we weren’t killed."

"I’m lucky you’re still here?" He screams. Any closer to my face, and I’d think he’s going in for a kiss.

"Yes. You are. You need someone who doesn’t die from a piece of metal to the brain."

"I don’t need someone who breaks our rules and puts members of our personnel in jeopardy! You tried to hack into our secure files, you might as well be the enemy!"

"Do you have any proof I did any of those things?" I ask. Go ahead, I think. Prove me wrong. I should be a criminal.

He backs up and stands straight. After a moment of his silence and my smug smile, he shouts, "I know you did!" He sounds like a kid. He can’t do anything. I’m in the good. He turns around for a bit, his hands behind his back. He whips around and leans down. "You didn’t win. The human boy? He has two options. He either joins the military or leaves within the next twelve hours."

Kayd leaves with all my confidence, replacing it with a thick dose of panic and resentment.

Restraints on. I need to be calm. I can’t let my emotions control me. I have to be calm. I must be collected. I must be stable. I must be safe. There are smoke detectors. If I get too upset, I’ll start smoking and I’ll set them off.

I storm out of the room and rush to Mav’s room. I don’t have time to knock. I throw the door open, and no one’s there. I don’t bother closing the door, I just turn and run for the staircase. Instead of walking down the stairs, I throw myself over the side of the railing and fall onto the first floor. I hurry to the hospital, people leaving me with a five-foot radius. I kick the door to open it and don’t slow down. I reach the back corner, where Andrew and Cody are crowded around Kelli’s bed. No Mav.

"Hey." I say as I walk over. "Where’s Mav?"

"Look!" Andrew exclaims. The two boys part, revealing a conscious Kelli. I’m glad she’s okay, but I have a more pressing matter.

"Where’s Mav?" I ask again.

"He never came." Andrew answers, shaking his head. I spin around and sprint for the main desk. I nearly crash into the desk.

"Where’s Kayd?" I ask the security guards sitting behind the camera monitors.

"We aren’t--" One begins to explain why they can’t reveal that information.

"Where is he?" I ask again, my fingers digging into the desk. They can hear the crunch of the metal.

They glance to one another and back at me. One starts typing on the computer before telling me, "Room one three eight."

There are fifty rooms on this floor, room thirty-eight should be to my right. You can bet I’m kicking the door down within five seconds. This room is narrow, only about ten feet wide. There are soldiers lined up along the walls with buzzcuts and uniforms. They don’t pay me any attention as I storm down the room until I come across Kayd and Mr. C., addressing one of the soldiers. Mr. C. writes something on a clipboard as Kayd speaks "Hey!" I shout, shaking to keep from shoving or punching them. My call bellows throughout the room and echoes.

Kayd’s hands are still behind his back, Mr. C. holds his clipboard at his sides. I don’t look at that man. "What it is?" Kayd asks.

"Where the hell is Maverick?" I ask.

"Who?" He asks.

"The human boy. Maverick, the one you hate for no reason. Where is he?"

"He’s having some testing done. We don’t know what diseases he may have." Kayd answers briefly.

"Give me the room number!" I demand.

"I’m not going to disclose that information." He tells me.

"Why not?" I yell.

"Miss Ashler, you’d only interfere with the testing procedures." Mr. C. chimes in.

"Shut the hell up! You are a manipulative, lying, deceitful a*****e! I’m not speaking with you!" I shout. I could say so much more. I could go on for hours, spouting every swear word I know.

He glares at me, and I ignore it. "The testing won’t take too long. Unless you want to be punished, I suggest you drop the issue." Kayd growls.

Sentences start to form and cut off, and I can’t think. Words and actions happen the second they enter my mind. "What can you do to me?" I scream, feeling the heat rush throughout my body. "What can you do that you," I point at Mr. C. "Haven’t already done?" My eyes have to be red. My face has to be red. I am red.

"Miss Ashler--"

"No! There’s nothing you can do! You’ve made me into a monster! I have nothing left to lose! You’re taking away the only human I care for, and my team has been maimed! What else can you throw at me?"

"Ashler!"

"I’m sick of you acting like you have power over me! Like I’m supposed to fear you after you’ve made me stronger than you tenfold! Like I’m supposed to respect you after you use me to do your dirty work! You are the monsters here! And I’m not working for you anymore!" I stomp my foot into the ground, cracking the industrial tiles and sending a shockwave throughout the building. The walls shake, glass shatters, people get knocked off their feet. Kayd and Mr. C. are thrown back, and I turn one hundred eighty degrees to leave.

As I storm off, I hear the ground sizzling underneath my feet. A reminder of who is in control here. All it takes is a second for me to lose control. They made me this way. An inventor must always be aware that his creation might someday destroy him. One has to create. The other has to even it out by destroying.

Alarms start going off throughout the building. Red lights flash rapidly, followed by the rhythmic blaring of the emergency sirens. Guards start approaching me in fireproof suits. "Miss Ashler, come with us. You need to cool down." One announces through her thick firefighter helmet.

They close in on me, and I’m done being ordered around. I shake my head, heartbeat picking up. I can hear all of theirs so clearly, I can practically see their little fists of blood in their chests. I run for the hospital, pushing through the guards. I am too fast to be stopped, and I rip through the door. I skid to a stop in front of my team. Mav is not with them, either. "We have to leave. Now." I tell my team.

"Why?" Andrew asks. "What’s wrong?"

"We don’t have time." I steal a look over my shoulder. "They’re manipulating us. Using us as killers and weapons. I don’t want to be the monster. I don’t." My anger comes out as disparity.

"Kelli and Ty can’t leave yet. They’re not ready." Andrew tells me.

"I can’t let them hurt you. I can’t let them make you guys murderers." I fall to my knees and thrust my hands against the ground to stop my head from hitting. Only when I take a heavy breath in do I realize that I’m sobbing. "I’m a murderer." I cry. My hair falls around my head like a golden curtain. "I’ve killed so many people."

"Amber. Amber." Andrew rushes to my side, and I can hear the pulse in his wrist as his hand nears my shoulders. I throw myself back, careful to avoid contact.

"You can’t touch me! I’ll only hurt you!" He looks back at me, beyond concerned and worried and upset and shocked. He’s never seen me like this. "All I do is hurt people."

They come in to collect me, and I don’t fight. I let their gloved hands try to grab me and go through.

Get yourself together!

But it’s so hard when I just want to fall apart.

I wish I could go back and change everything. Go back to the minute before I killed someone. Stop it from happening. Clean my conscience. Focus on saving lives rather than taking it.

That’s never going to happen. I will always be a murderer. Even if I save a billion lives, I have still taken thousands. Nothing can help me now. The damage has been done. I have no real power.

They are able to grab me.