Untitled

Chapter 1: Beating Back the Dark (Maybe)

I woke and looked around slowly, unsure of where I was. All around me I saw white walls with curtains hanging at intervals to break up the ceiling. Off to the side was a tacky green armchair with a floral print, graced with an even tackier red pillow. Right above it there was a window that looked out over some sort of city. It took me a second to remember which one it was. St. Louis, Missouri, quite a hustle and bustle type of place. Yet no annoying honks or curses of civilians reached me from up here. All around me there was silence, and the room was so still save for the beeping of the monitor next to me that it weighed upon me like… the car. All at once it came back- the crash, the fleeting yet oh-so tangible hallucinations, Robert, his face mere inches from mine, his screams filling my head until they could not be separated from my own. God, Robert!

I started to swing my feet over the thin bed when I realized that I had missed one thing in my observations- the fact that I was strapped down. As I began to pull at the bonds I saw a nurse rush in. She was older- I estimated her to be about fifty. She was one of those people who welcomed age with a genuine vigor, entirely uncaring about her appearance. No makeup donned her face, nor was her lightening red hair dyed. Despite the fact that she made no attempt to improve her appearance, she had a timeless beauty about her, one that was unmistakable. Her face was starting togive way to wrinkles and her eyes were beginning to be surrounded by crows eyes, yet she was still impressive, and the way she carried herself, erect and gracefully, said she was proud of the way she looked.

“Miss, please stop that,” she admonished. “Here, I’ll do it for you.”

“What… what happened? Robert, where’s Robert Whitaker?”

“Jo, please, calm down. Robert is just fine, I promise you.”

I leaned back against the stiff pillow, startled that she knew my name.

“How did you…?”

She seemed to read the curiosity in my eyes and smiled sympathetically. “You’ve been here for two months, Jo. There wasn’t anything physically wrong with you, but the doctor’s think that the shock of seeing Robert next to you and thinking him dead sent you into a coma. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up, now that Robert is well and has been coming to speak to you.”

That got me up immediately. “Robert’s alright?” I exclaimed, relieved beyond all explanation.

The nurse reached out and put her hand on me, forcing me softly back down onto the bed.

“Careful now, you’re going to make yourself dizzy.” she chided.

“Can I see him? I want to see him now!” I demanded a bit impudently. Thank God he’salright! I rejoiced inside.

“I’m afraid not Jo, it just can’t happen right now. Robert’s in physical therapy.”

“Then when? I have to see him.” I said shakily.

“Soon. It’s almost lunch time and he should be taking a break then. You'll have to do a few tests just to make sure you're alright, but it won't be anything serious. You should both be able to eat together. I’m Suzanne Harper, by the way. It’s a pleasure to finally talk to you.”

“Um, yes, I feel the same, thank you.” I stumbled over my reply uncomfortably, not knowing how to respond. It had suddenly occurred to me that this person had been looking out for me for two months, had likely even given me sponge baths. I knew all I needed to- that I was far past my comfort zone. My instant reaction was to curl into a ball so tiny people would start using me for ping pong, yet there she stood, chatting away, oblivious to the feelings churning about inside me. I started to blush and squirm uncomfortably just at the thought of all the things she must have had to do for me. I heard her going on, but all I wanted her to do was shut up and leave.

“So I will be able to see him soon?” I asked again. Just keep talking, don’t think about what she’s done for you.

“I’d say so, yes, though the tests could delay you. Lucky you, I just don’t see that happening!” she chirped as she continued to bustle about, completely ignorant to my innermost thoughts.

I sat back, not happy with the answer, but content for the moment. “Yes, lucky me.” I drawled slowly, light sarcasm tingeing my words. She gave me a merry smile as she continued about, tucking in the pale white sheet to the matching bed, lifting me up to plump my pillow (as if that could possibly help make it any comfier), even going so far as to tuck a strand of wayward hair back behind my ear. Finally done with her motherly ministrations, she gave my shoulder a light squeeze and flashed me one last small smile before turning to leave, likely going to attend to a patient elsewhere. 

 

         I impatiently looked at the clock on the wall for what felt like the hundredth time in one minute. I never realized how slowly the hands on a clock moved as they counted down the seconds, but I sure was noticing it now. 

         The time I spent waiting for him was the most nerve racking and terrifying of my life. What would I say, what would I do after all this time? Would seeing him send me back to two months ago on that disastrous night when he was sent into a coma and I was sent to the ICU? I was scared to find out. Nervously I rocked back and forth on my bed, being careful not to move too quickly, as I chewed on my nail absentmindedly. Is he different, did the coma have adverse effects on him? Will he be the same Robert, my Robert? Will I be his Jo? I fretted, all the while aware of how ridiculous I was being. We had been in comas for two months. Everything would be exactly the same as it had been. I was sure the nurse would have told me if something was seriously wrong. "Hey, your boyfriend has become a drooling, blabbering mess," just seemed like common courtesy to bring up before I met him, at the very least so I would have time to prepare myself. I started bunching up the sheets beside me as I waited, peeved that I couldn't get up and pace. I had so much energy built up inside of me, and the tests they had done on me hadn't helped. "And two plus two equals? Fantastic, yes it is four, however did you know that? Okay, now between these two colors, which one is red? Very good, look at you! It's as if you've known this your whole life!

         I sighed as I realized how grumpy I was being. I understood their reasoning for testing me, but it had put me even more on edge. I was eager to see Robert, and although I knew it hadn't taken any time away from our meeting, it grated my nerves that I was in that tiny white room when I could have been in this one instead, waiting for him.

         I turned my head as I heard a door open, and just barely prevented myself from leaping out of it as I saw Robert enter the room in a wheelchair, assisted by a nurse.

         "Robert!" I settled for crying out happily instead. "Oh my God, I was so worried about you." I exclaimed as tears began to well in my eyes.

         The nurse pushed him so that he was alongside my bed.

         "Shhh," he told me as he reached out his hand to softly brush away my tears. "Everythang's okay darlin'."

         Reaching out my arms I wrapped him in a tight embrace while managing to avoid making myself dizzy. He reached up and hugged me back carefully. It was almost as if he was scared it was all a dream and if he squeezed me too tightly I would be gone from his life again, and he would be back on his hospital bed.

         We stayed wrapped in each other's arms, me crying softly into his shoulder as he whispered sweet nothings in my ear and rubbed his arms up and down my back. When we finally pulled apart I saw that the nurse was gone, though I hadn't noticed her leaving. He still had that effect on me- he was the only person I was ever able to notice while we were in the same room.

         "It's good to see ya awake. For some odd reason it wasn't the same talking to you when you were unconscious." he halfheartedly joked.

         I laughed joyfully in return. God, I may have been unconscious, but I'd missed his sense of humor.

         "It's good to see you too. Was it really two months?"

         His face grew dark. "That's what the nurses say, and who are they to lie?" suddenly, he reached down for the jello and offered it up to me.

         "Here, dessert first. Just the way you like it," he said as he flashed me a naughty grin.

         My eyes went soft as I looked at him, this man I felt so strongly towards. All my worrying had been for nothing; this was as natural as it had ever been. I leaned over and brushed his hair to the side, giving him a passionate kiss that reflected all the emotions I had felt in the short time I had been awake- the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the love. I communicated all he brought out in me and all that he meant in that one moment. 

         Pulling away I smiled saucily at him. "That was all the dessert I needed."

         He wasn't convinced and continued to hold up the jello demandingly.

         "Of course I've never been one to turn down seconds!" I laughed as I took it from him. We began to eat, watching each other every second as we did.

         "Is there really only broth and jello here?" I complained, ready to sink my teeth into a burger now that I was finally able to take my mind off Robert and focus on my rumbling stomach.

         "Only soft liquids for you until the nurses say otherwise, just like me. I’m sure they’ll explain the schedule an’ your new diet when they come back." he replied.

         "Well, I guess I'll have to learn how to enjoy it then." I halfheartedly grumbled as I set aside the now-empty cup of “soup”, which was more accurately described as water, in disgust.

         I looked over at him, expecting to talk now that I was done. He sat in the same position, poking at his tray of food (mac and cheese with green beans and chicken, yum) moodily.

         “Who do I have to kill to get food like that around here?” I quipped, hoping to break him out of whatever depressive reverie he was having.

         He chuckled. “I already tried that while I was on my new forced diet. You have to go through the whole darn staff. They’re sticklers for protocol and health and what not.”

         I reached over and stilled his hand as it began its descent towards the chicken again, “Sweetie, that died a long time ago. You don’t need to kill it again.”

         He nodded his head absentmindedly as he stared off into the distance. I sat there awkwardly, holding his hand but not getting any sort of response. I had to do something to break that resounding silence.

         “Now I know this is probably going to be difficult but… whatever happened to your legs? I… remember you screaming out in the car crash and I remember the blood that formed around us but I can’t seem to recall what happened… Will you ever be able to-

         “It’s a beautiful day,” he cut me off yet again, “a perfect day for you to wake up.”

         “Would there have been a bad one? I’m awake, that’s all that should matter.” I said, a bet miffed at his insensitivity. I mean he’d never been the most comforting soul, but in this moment he should have given it a God damned shot, at the very least.

         “Well that isn’t… I just meant… you should really call yer parents. They’ve been worried sick about ya. They’ve barely left yer room in the last few months. It’s a good thing they own their own businesses, otherwise they’d be in some severe financial trouble.”

         “Yeah… yeah I’ll do that.” I said as I wondered about Robert- he was acting strange, even for him.

         “Yeah.” he intoned as he reached over and threw his plate of food, untouched and dead three times over, into the garbage. I sat staring at it as his head slowly turned back towards me.

         “Ya know, you haven’t changed one bit.” he lovingly told me as he put his hands on my bed- right next to my leg, so close I could feel the heat radiating off of them. They’d always been unnaturally warm.

         I put on a smile as I moved slightly closer, wanting to feel his touch.

         “I’m glad. I liked the old me, though she did have a slightly big head.” his lips quirked up at the corners as a dry smile came over his face, and I breathed a sigh of relief. It may be awkward right now, but that’s to be expected. There’s nothing wrong. Everything’s going to be okay.