The Before

Nathaniel

“NATHANIEL!” My mother screamed from downstairs. I rolled my eyes. God, I can’t wait to leave this f*****g house. I was off to the University of Maryland with Kate the following year. We are waiting to hear back to see if we can live off-campus. It should be any day now if Mom sent the request when she said she did.

“NATHANIEL MICHEL GET DOWN HERE NOW!” Mom yelled again. Ugh. Seriously, I could not wait to hear back. I checked my tie in the mirror, adjusted it to be straight, and opened my door. I saw my older sister walking back to her room.

“Hey Marie,” I called to her. She stiffened, and I heard her sniffle. I froze midstep.

“Are you still coming to Kate’s with me to take pictures?” I asked hesitantly. Tears quickly started brimming her eyes, and I stepped towards her.

“Hey, what’s-”

“NATHANIEL STOP IGNORING ME AND GET YOUR A*S DOWN HERE,” our mother interrupted. I sighed, and Marie quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

“You should just go before her or father come up here.” She said quietly, stepped back into her room, and closed the door. I stared at the door for a second, sighed, and turned around to go downstairs. However, I didn’t reach the stairs because a towering figure was before me.

“Father,” I said curtly. He gave me his signature sinister smile. I froze; I instantly knew he was up to something. His grin grew wider, almost like the Cheshire cat.

“You should go before your mother loses her s**t more than she already has.” He said, not even trying to hide his smile. I nodded curtly, sidestepped him, and headed for the stairs.

“Oh, and Nathaniel?” He called after me, and I froze mid-step but didn’t bother to look at him.

“We do know what’s best for you.” He said, and then I heard him walk away. What the f**k is that supposed to mean? I shook my head and headed downstairs. I walked through the obnoxiously large living room to the swinging wood door that led to the kitchen. Mom was standing there with a glass of wine in her hand, as usual, staring at the door as if she was counting down the seconds until she could start screaming again. Her death glare was waiting for me. She knew I was coming; she knew I was making her stay. I hated these talks.

“About time. I thought I would have to send out a search party for you.” My mom said with a big huff. I rolled my eyes at the apparent over-exaggeration.

“What is it, Mom? I told Kate I would meet her in the next few minutes. I need to go.” I said, not bothering to hide my annoyance. She smiled, but not a warm smile; no, it was cold and sinister.

“Yes, of course. How is Kate? Still planning on getting a degree in.. what was it? Teaching?” She asked, gagging at the word teacher. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, as far as I know, her plans haven’t changed from being a PSYCHOLOGIST,” I emphasized the last word. Don’t bother with it in the Palmer family if it wasn’t science or politics. But I thought Kate’s wanting to be a psychologist for children going through trauma was brave, and I admired her for that. My parents didn’t care at all, though. Mom huffed and rolled her eyes.

“Yes, well, that won’t do.” She said, holding my gaze. I froze. No. No, this couldn’t be what I thought it was.

“I want you to break up with her. Tonight. A very nice young lady is ready to meet you at the prom and be your replacement date. Her name-”

“No.” I cut her off. I was done. She looked shocked.

“No?” She questioned. I nodded in my response. She smiled.

“I’m sorry, dear son. I did not mean to give you the impression that you had a choice. Because you don’t. You are breaking up with what her name is and going to the college we picked out and paid for. You will have no future if you do not break up with her by the night’s end. You will have no college, no job, and no money. Nothing.” She said almost in a sickly sweet tone with that god-awful grin still plastered to her face. I stared at her, sure my mouth hung open, too. There was no way she was doing this; there was no way she would make me choose between my life and my love for Kate.

“What?” I said quietly.

“You heard me. If you come back to the house tonight still dating that girl, you will be expected out of the house by the time I am awake.” She said, still smiling. She swirled her red wine, brought it to her painted-red lips, and took a sip. I stared at her.

“That is all.” She said and shooed me out of the room. I shook my head and walked out the door. What the f**k was I supposed to do now?

Kate

“Kate, hurry up! You guys are going to be late!” My mom called from downstairs. I smiled and checked my dress in the mirror. It was simple and flattering�"White, fitted with lace around the bottom where it hit my knees.

“I’m coming!” I yelled back down to her. I put the finishing touches on my lipstick and threw it in my handbag. Today was it. I was finally graduating high school. Nathaniel and I would be off to the University of Maryland in the fall and spend the rest of our lives together. It was perfect.

I ran down the stairs and saw Nathaniel waiting for me by himself.

“Where are your folks?” I asked him, slightly disappointed they weren’t there for us all to get pictures together.

“Oh, uh, they said they would meet us there.” He said, shrugging. I pouted.

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” Mom said with a fake smile. *INTERNAL RANT/MONOLOGUE HERE* She never showed how much things bothered her. God, I wish I was her. I’m always so emotional.

“Kate?” Nathaniel’s voice broke through my thoughts. I looked up at him to see him staring intently at me. His cloud-grey eyes drilled into me, trying to understand what I was thinking. I shake my head and look around to see everyone smiling at us. I blush and grab his hand.

“Come on, let’s get these pictures done so we can have fun!”

The next twenty minutes are a blur of photos, poses, and giggles. The whole time, Nathaniel would look at me with love, and then I saw hurt and anger flash through them. But as much as I wanted to ask about it, I knew it was not a good idea in front of my parents. First, Nathaniel became flighty if confronted; second, my parents are nosey, and I don’t need them to be part of this conversation. Whatever this conversation was.

“Kate, you ready to head out,” Nathaniel asked, snapping me out of the impending spiral. I smiled up at him and nodded. I saw the flash go off out of the corner of my eye, and I knew that was a picture I would treasure for the rest of my life.

The prom was crowded, hot, sweaty, and so much fun. We jumped, danced, and kissed without a care in the world. We decided to duck out early so we had time to get some ice cream just the two of us before curfew. We pulled up to the little ice cream shop downtown, and I looked over at Nathaniel. He was staring blankly out of the driver’s side window.

“Nathaniel?” I ask curiously. I heard him sigh, and he looked at me with a sad smile.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. I knew that face, he had terrible news, or he was spiraling. Am I spiraling? What if he doesn’t love me? What if he decided he didn’t want to date in college anymore? What if he didn’t decide to go to UMD?

“Kate,” Nathaniel said quietly as he grabbed my hand.

“You’re doing that thing again where you fall into a spiral.” He looked worried. I smiled softly and took a deep breath.

“You’re right. Let’s go get some ice cream.” I said and unbuckled my seatbelt. Nathaniel unbuckled his seatbelt and raced around the car to get to my door before I opened it. I never tried; I knew he liked doing it for me. I smiled up at him as he helped me out of the car. His parents let us drive their Porsche for prom, so it was lower to the ground than I was used to compared to my old Jeep Compass. When I managed to get out of the car, he pulled me close and kissed the tip of my nose. I smiled and just soaked in the moment. This was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The man I wanted to raise a family with. The man I wanted to grow old with.

“Let’s get inside,” He said, tugging me in. I couldn’t help the smile that was spreading wider across my face. We stumbled inside, and I was immediately captivated by all the flavors. We came here all the time, and yet I was always amazed.

“What flavor are you going to get this time?” He asked, not even bothering to look at the flavors. He looked at me; he was always looking at me.

“Hmmm… I think I want to get the raspberry with chocolate chips,” I said, still looking at the flavors. He squeezed my hand and went to the register to order and pay. I sat down at a table by the window overlooking Main Street. I always love looking over Main Street. It was where all the boutiques, restaurants, and other shops were for our town. You could watch everyone strolling around enjoying the night. You saw the Andersons, who have been here since high school, or you could see the new couple, I think they are the Reeds, looking around, trying to learn their new home. I loved it; I loved our town. I couldn’t wait to see what our future holds.

Nathaniel came up next to me, holding two cones.

“Are you people-watching again?” He asked, looking out the window next to me. I smiled.

“You know I am,” I replied. He handed me my cone.

“Come on. Let’s go for a walk and enjoy the town.” He reached for my hand, and I placed my hand in his. He tugged me up, and I followed him outside.

“Which way?” He asked. I smiled.

“Left,” I said, knowing it took us toward the lake. I love the lake at night. We started towards the lake, eating our ice cream.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Nathaniel asked me, looking ahead.

“Yeah, I did. I thought it would be overhyped, but it was so much fun. Even though Caitlin got drunk and puked all over the girl’s bathroom.” I said, chuckling. He snorted.

“I wonder how she snuck in tequila.”He wondered out loud. I shrugged.

“I heard she had it hidden in a flask in her bra,” I said. He threw his head back, laughing.

“Anyone would have noticed if she had a flask in her bra,” he replied. I smiled because I knew he was right. Silence fell over us as we walked hand in hand, slowly getting closer to the lake. I saw the Reeds walking towards us, and I smiled at them. They were still learning the town, but I made it my goal to make them feel at home. I looked up at Nathaniel and wondered how that could be us one day. We could find a new town on the ocean, or by a lake and start our lives there. We could see a house with a view of the water and a big backyard for the kids to play in. Nathaniel stopped walking. I turned and looked at him, smiling, still imagining our future. I was too dizzy from my daydream to notice he had trashed his cone.

“Kate..” He said, dragging out my name. I smiled at him. Was I getting my promise ring? We had gone shopping for one last month. Nathaniel looked at the lake and sighed.

“I can’t do this anymore, Kate,” he said quietly, and I stopped breathing.

“I can’t keep pretending we see the same future for ourselves. I can’t keep pretending I love you. It’s over, Kate.” He said quickly. He looked at me, but I couldn’t see anything through my tears. I barely noticed the cone of ice cream fall out of my hand.

“I’m sorry…” He said quietly I almost believed him, but then he returned to his car. I watched him walk away and then turned back to the lake.

I never thought I would hate the lake, but I did.