Marionette

For someone who you can tell is only telling you something because it's what someone else wants to hear

 

When I was young

I saw a show.

More special than

You’ll ever know.

 

The stage was big,

The lights were bright.

But I remember that

The least that night.

 

There was a man,

Who sat on stage,

Absent of life,

But showed no age.

 

When I saw the man

And start to wonder

The speakers blared

As loud as thunder.

 

From the speakers came a voice

Of a kind and friendly male.

What he said won’t ever leave,

I won’t forget his tale.

 

"Boys and girls 

Before the show,

There’s something I

Must let you know.

 

 

The man on stage,

He isn't real.

He doesn’t think.

He doesn’t feel.

 

 

He’s made of wood.

Moved by string.

Just a doll,

Just a thing.

 

 

It is a puppet,

Nothing more.

There’s no surprise

It has in store

 

 

There is a man,

Who pulls the string.

He can make it do

Just anything.

 

 

When he pulls the string,

The act is set.

The dolls now a man,

You’ve never met.

 

 

When left alone,

It becomes itself.

A lonely toy,

Shoved on a shelf.

 

 

The reason why I tell you this,

Is so that you do not yell.

So sit back and listen,

To this story I must tell.

 

 

There was a time, long ago,

This puppet came on stage.

It came and said such wicked things,

The crowd went in a rage.

 

 

These words did not come from the doll,

It was the man who did it.

He made it say all that he felt,

And from all nice things forbid it.

 

 

The people could not see,

The truth behind it all.

They got up from their seats,

And straight for the poor doll.

 

 

They took it in their anger,

Threw it straight across the room.

Headed straight for the wall.

Headed staright to its doom.

 

 

That is when I caught it,

Held it tight in my arms

I told the crowd off,

I won’t let them cause it harm.

 

 

I told them what they did,  

Told them of their big mistake. 

They walked away embarrassed, 

When they realized it was fake.

  

 

That is why I tell you,  

So try not to get mad. 

Remember as you listen, 

It’s not the doll who’s bad."

 

As the show went on,

And the doll moved and walked,

I remembered what he said,

As it visciously talked.

 

I felt bad for the doll,

As it put on it’s act.

For its true self was hidden,

And the soul that it lacked.

 

 

As the show ended,

It kept on in my head.

I will always remember,

The words that man said.

Author's Note

If you can, Critiqu me on the flow. I can't tell if it's good or not

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

David J Logan an Australian historian, drama and theatre teacher, director, puppeteer and playwright wrote;

"Marionettes are seen by many as the most complex form of puppetry perhaps due to the time it takes to make them and to learn how to effectively manipulate them."

The metaphoric link with your fascinating composition being the word 'manipulate'. How many puppets have been unmasked in government, civil service or other such agencies, blindly following the commands of the devious, but only becoming their scapegoats when things go wrong.

Brilliantly creative write!

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[Dezaraye]

I like this piece a lot. There are a couple spots the flow gets a little caught up with some lines that are a bit long, but overall, it's a great story and flows really well.

[Natalie C and Gary H Co..]

Overall this was a very creative piece of writing. You could improve on this by editing which is the worst thing to do after writing something. A top writer on the site once told me to write something, leave it for a week or two, then go back re-read and edit as though it wasn't your piece - be cruel to yourself - no-one else will be!

Here's something you might like to consider for the second stanza -

The stage was big,
Lights were bright.
But I remember that least
On that night.

- as an example.

This is a really clever and impressive piece of poetry.

Gary

[Jasmina Amethyst Pendra..]

I think the flow was pretty well done. Marionettes in general freak me out...lol. This was an interesting turn to the "life" of a marionette and I actually loved it. I don't really have any suggestions for you seeing as I liked it as is.

Liv

[Jared Kardos]

Pretty good, my friend--a great little diddy with something nice and deep to chew on.

The only thing I can think of that could make it better is perhaps showing what the marionette says, to give a better idea of how "it" offends the audience. Just a thought.

All around, great poem, sir. Kudos! :)

[Tania Leigh]

The flow is good, and the story is excellent, as well as the message it provides. I like that the announcer told the story to protect the marionette (after having learned to the hard way!)

All in all, a fantastic read......thank you!

[Legion]

The flow is pretty decent. The message is as well. Reminds me of Dick Cheney controlling George Bush. :) Good piece and great story.

[Carole]

I think the flow is near perfect. I wouldn't change a thing except for a couple of grammatical things below...Just suggestions...


When I saw the man
And start to wonder
The speakers blared
As loud as thunder.

Could you say, (I started to wonder)

There was a time, long ago,

This puppet came on stage.

It came and said such wicked things,

The crowd went in a rage. (went into a rage)

Very nicely done, Alex. Very impactful. Makes me think of people that are controlled by others. They become puppets after awhile...

[None]

This flowed so well and I was hooked on each word. You really came up with a masterpiece here! An interesting story within your expressive poem. The emotions flow and I like how you ended up with the doll and "That is why I tell you, So try not to get mad. Remember as you listen, It's not the doll who's bad." I'm reminded so much of children who imitate their parents since it's all they know. You put quite a bit of work into this charmer!!

[R J Askew]

I dunno about the flow -- save that at no point did it get in the way -- but i was thinking about the message. I read it very personally and wonder about myself. Puppet or puller of strings. I did not find it a comfortable read for personal reasons. But then that is one of things that good poems are supposed to do, right...make us question ourselves, motives and behaviour?