Trapped in the Pit

Once a hole is dug and you fall into it, quite hard is it to get out.

Trapped in the Pit

   Has it ever happened to you to feel like an empty husk, like nothing means anything anymore. You don't care if you fail in school or get hit by a car. You just stop caring about everything. But then you say something to someone and realize that they care more about you than you care about yourself. A lot of people do. And it hurts. How can others love you if you are incapable of loving them back, or even loving yourself? You get confused. You feel lost. You don't know what to do. Being around those people feels like a constant slap in the face from reality. You start to hurt yourself hoping to feel something, but to no avail. You just hurt more. Now it gets to the point where whenever someone tells you something to help you or even is nice to you, you break down. You keep looking for a distraction, for a release. You decide to stay alone so that maybe they will forget about you, make the pain stop. But they don't. They are worried about you. They want to make sure you are okay. There is no winning. All through the while you still do not understand why they care. The pit you dig yourself just keeps getting deeper and deeper.

   This is how I feel. This is how I have felt for years. And the hole just got deeper, quick. I am trying to balance out a good amount of caring and not caring. I am trying very hard. But the trying also hurts and I still don't fully understand. Still, I am trying. Slowly I am building myself a temporary ledge to stand on to try and pull myself out of the pit. It will take me a very long time to get out completely, and I doubt that I ever will, but it is one step at a time. I am getting there, I am coming back. Even though it hurts I am starting to care for some people. I am trying to reintroduce myself to society. Slow and steady, just give me a bit.

   I will see you soon.

Reviews

[Kenny Bellamy]

You're talkin from where its at friend, beware the use of 'you' beware sounding like you've got the answers, beware voices that enter your writing that do not belong to you. Keep doing good work.