When parenting and writing collide

writers woes!!!

 

When parenting and writing collide

By Marcella Simmons

 

I started writing for publication over twenty years ago, and I raised eight children while in training. You wouldn't believe the piles of laundry and garbage our family accumulated on a daily basis. Between the dirty dishes, dirty laundry and smelly diapers, our house smelled like the city dump occasionally. And the endless disposable diapers, baby wipes and band aids were the main part of our shopping list, not to mention all the other necessities on a weekly basis. The garbage man expected a tip every time he picked up our trash – we had at least four or five large bags every Tuesday and Thursday!

 

Running a house of ten people, two family dogs, two cats, a parakeet and eight fish in an aquarium that Mom had to clean every week - wherever did I find the time to sit down and write? How could I afford it? You'd think I'd spend all my extra money on diapers, cough syrup and band aids instead of paper and stamps! Most of the time, I did.

 

During those years, my children afforded me many ideas to write about – there were a couple of small press parenting magazines and newsletters that published my articles on a regular basis. Believe me, with eight kids ranging from birth to twelve years of age, there was all kinds of issues to write about. And I did. I wrote articles about bedwetting, teething, allergies, potty training – you get the picture! My idea source was always full.

 

As the years passed, my articles took a different turn – I started writing about teen dating, wild music, sassy kids, teacher/parent relationships – all kinds of things like that.

 

That was over twenty years ago. All the kids have moved out and started a life of their own, and families of their own, and you know what? It is not much quieter than it was then. Again, my writing is taking on a different twist. I enjoy writing about the grandchildren, and our times together (there are seven and one on the way!). With three daughter-in-laws and a son-in-law added to our family, the idea pantry is plentiful.

 

My twenty-one-year-old single daughter has started dating black guys. It has caused a heated disturbance amongst my children, and I have had to deal with this situation with padded gloves. She is, after all, 21 – I can’t tell her what she can and can’t do – neither can anyone else. Living in a small town like where we live – people talk. And gossip. Now my unmarried daughter has a mixed baby – and we love him dearly – again, this topic itself has afforded me many writing ideas. The daddy refuses to accept responsibility – she is raising Nicolas alone in a white folk world. How will he cope when he is older? On his birth record, it is recorded white – how will he deal with being part white and part black? The writing ideas go on and on.

 

Prejudices are very real in our family, and there is little I can do to change that at this stage in our lives. I don’t even try. But I can sound off by writing about it. There are topics such as: mixing races, family matters, collecting child support – again, the writing ideas goes on and on.

 

I run an advertising business, work part time out of the office with another company, teach the youth class at church, babysit a husband who retired from painting last year but has a full time ministry position at the church. Every other day we're off to visit the sick or preach a funeral service or look after some of the elders of the church.

 

We have seven lovely grandchildren who call me every other day wanting something, and yet, I still find the time to pursue my writing endeavors. I consider this my little piece of heaven, for whatever it's worth.

 

Sometimes, being all these things that I am has collided with my writing projects in more ways than one. Just because my children are grown and have moved out of the nest, it never fails. Every week someone needs me for something. "Momma, can you run the dog to the vet this afternoon? I have to work?" or "Momma, can you follow me to the mechanic shop in the morning so I can drop off my car. It needs a good tune up, and I have to be at work at seven. I'll need a ride to work from the shop. Then I'll also need a ride home. Can you pick up Nicolas from the sitter?"

 

It never ends. It's always something. That unfinished writing project I had in mind just went by the wayside and will sit untouched until God knows when I'll have another free moment to get back to it.

 

Over the years, my family has afforded me many writing ideas that has earned publication on many occasions, and I appreciate that. Being a mother is wonderful – being a grandmother is better than wonderful – and being a writer along with that is an interesting mix, to say the least.

 

I love my family and wouldn’t change it for anything – I have a large one and glad for that. It’s never a dull moment at our house. When it gets too quiet and you can hear yourself think, the first thing that comes to mind is: something is wrong! So you get on the phone and start trying to find out why everyone is quiet.

 

Finally, I have a few hours to myself. I get to my desk – pull out some projects I need to finish. The phone rings. So much for everyone being too quiet! I look at the caller ID. It's Tina, my oldest daughter.

 

I decide not to answer and I listen as the answering machine picks up. "Momma!" she yells in a hysterical voice. "Call me back on my cell. I've got to rush Jessica to the emergency room – she fell off the swing a few minutes ago – Momma, she broke something! Call me back. I'm on my way to the ER!"

 

In a panic, I get on the phone, find out what has happened, turn off the computer, and head for the nearest hospital. We spend the next five hours at the ER. Jessica broke a collar bone. Sitting there, I start feeling guilty – I should have brought that new edition of Writer’s Digest to read while we waited. I should have brought that manuscript I completed last week and do some editing. Time is wasting and I could be doing something while I wait! I rummage through my purse for something to write a few notes on. Nothing there – I cleaned it out last night – not one scrap of paper anywhere.

 

By the time I finally get home, it is supper time, and I'm beat. Hubby's at home now, and he needs several letters typed up before morning – could I please do them, he pleads. How could I say no – after all, I was appointed as secretary of the church?

 

A writer must sacrifice a little time each day, even if it’s only thirty minutes in the morning, thirty in the afternoon and maybe thirty at night. If we can take time to eat, and find the time for a few minutes in the shower, we must find a way to find time for our writing projects. Otherwise, we never succeed at what we enjoy doing most.

 

I was never much on crafts and hobbies – never learned to sew or crochet – wish I had – my enjoyment came from reading endlessly. I use to write poetry for fun when UI as young but never considered it as a career until I got older. Now, I have a collection of poems published and this makes me proud. Each one of the poems that are in this unique collection comes from the heart – there is a poem for each of my children whether their name is mentioned or not – there is something about each grandchild, or an experience we went through together.

 

Being the mother of such a large family has been a blessing, and writing about the experience has been wonderful. The best part is, you can write about your family or your experience, write about it some more, and before you know it, you’ve found something else to write about it. A writer can find ideas anywhere, but those that come straight from the family pantry makes for a real good read, I promise! Most people are interested in what you have to say. Say it, write it, and hang onto those fresh, new ideas.

 

Here’s to all the writing mommas out there who need a boost! Keep on trying – eventually you'll get there! My family time added to my writing time is my little piece of heaven!

Reviews

[Jamie Raintree]

I became a mom a year and a half ago and I have to agree completely. Writing has become my life preserver, the thing that keeps me sane in all the chaos of parenting. In fact, I think I write more now that I ever did before I was a mom. And, like you said, she has provided much inspiration.

Your story is wonderful and I congratulate you on making that time for yourself throughout the years. Parenting is the most rewarding job ever but every parent deserves to have a little something for herself.