Jar of Hearts - The Fear

A little piece of a story I'm making.

It wasn't too long before things started to become worse. He was returning to his destructive side once more. That was the only flaw that I thought I could possibly change from him - but maybe that sort of expectation was impossible for me. 

It was Friday, nineteenth of June and precisely four in the afternoon. It was going to begin. 

One of my friends ran up to me in a hurry and with short of breathe, she unclearly told me that something big was happening in the main campus. We both ran to see what was going on. 

As I was running, I was afraid to see that it could be him who is there and someone else that could cause something to be fussed about but fear met me. Around fifty students gathered around Brandon and another guy in a big circle, avoiding the chance of getting hurt. I had to shove myself through the crowd and go to the front just to see what the hell was going on. 

Brandon was pushed tauntingly by Fredrick, a part of a group he used to be in. 

"You just made a big mistake in leaving, Brandon. You're gonna pay for this." He said loudly and tried to punch Brandon but he missed. Some of the students were yelling rudely about Brandon not hitting Fredrick but when Brandon gave me a stare, I knew that he couldn't. He had so much anger in those eyes. Fredrick caught him staring at me.

"You left us because of some good little girl? Pathetic man! She's not even worth a relationship!" Fredrick insulted. Brandon raged and punched him on the face. Fredrick fell back. "Don't you dare say that about her!" The whole crowd gasped in shock. "I left your stupid group because all you do is nothing but hurt people for your own sadistic reasons! You're the pathetic ones, not me!" Brandon lost it. Fredrick got enough energy to stand up again and attack. It was turning into a full-fledged fight. Something had to be done.

I went bravely at front but my heart was racing fast out of fear. I yelled to stop and broke them off. Fredrick couldn't resist so I had no choice but to instinctively kick him on his groins. I faced back at Brandon and I knew he was mad at me. 

"Why did you do that? This is not about you! Stop putting yourself into this!" he told me angrily. "And fighting him will make this situation any better? That's complete bull, Brandon! The world doesn't need any more of this crap!" I answered him back, not knowing what I was saying. I looked at Fredrick and saw him groaning in pain on the ground. He tried to stand up and walk to me. Brandon tried to push me away but I didn't let him. 

He couldn't talk from the pain I gave him. I couldn't feel guilty of what I did. I felt that he deserved it. I stared at him with full fury and told him, "The school has had enough of your bullcrap, Fred. Learn how to live in hell without dragging others with you. You're not worth killing." Fredrick had no choice but to flee. His companions followed him. 

Now I could feel everyone's eyes pointing at me. I was never used to being like this and I felt nauseous. I tried running away but Brandon blocked me and covered my head. I felt safer now. 

Brandon told everyone not to talk about it because he told the principal what had happened. He and Fredrick were set off with a warning. Brandon told me that the principal praised me for trying to destroy the fight. It seemed like this whole thing was normal again. Brandon and I went to stay at their staircase. We were sitting, facing against each other.

"What you did was stupid, Cathy. You don't know how dangerious he is." he said. "I know. But I couldn't stand seeing you like that again. You know that." I said with a tone of sadness. I wanted to cry. Brandon went to my side and embraced me. I rested my head on his shoulder. "I don't want you to involve yourself in this anymore. I will protect you." 

Author's Note

Please feel free to give constructive criticism.

Reviews

[TheSweet]

I like it. The idea is good, and it feels as if it's part of a much bigger story. It keeps you interested and reading on. I would say, however, that it does feel a little superficial. Could do with more depth.
I think if you were to go over the whole thing and think more emotive or descriptive ways of wording some of it, it could really hit it home. Possibly throw in some more similes or metaphors. Your attention to detail is fairly strong - but there are a couple of mistakes which could easily be sorted with a little editing. For all I know, there could be an earlier part which makes the characters more 3D - but it is not represented as much in this section. So if you can, add depth.

Would be interested in reading more. :)