Peace of mind

When I look into your eyes your energy infiltrates my whole body;

Setting my emotions on fire

Every inch of my skin burning with desire

It's more than that though

 

I want your time

I want your energy

I want your thoughts

 

 

It's a spiritual connection

That only you and I can understand

It's better that way

Pure, untouched, special

Free from the worlds judgement

A getaway that can only be found with you

Reviews

[Wordydistance]

Hi- I saw you asking for critiques on the forum so here I am. I'm going to try going pretty in depth so sorry if I overstep my bounds. You might have different ideas for the poem then me- just my thoughts.

The first line comes out as too long, I believe. You're setting the tone for entire poem, but it doesn't match here. Another thing the first line does is set the speed of the poem. Longer lines generally means a slower read. Both slow and fast can be good. The main problem I've seen with slower poetry is that it contains unnecessary words.
"When I look into your eyes your energy infiltrates my whole body;"
So my suggestion here would be to separate the first line into two, and take/ change (for syllable structure) any words that don't feel necessary. Ex. infiltrates feels bulky. "when" can be simply removed.

Second line- Fits the general structure well. The wording is quality. I start to receive a sense of what this poem is about. Nice job.

Third line- The first line already states that the energy is infiltrating the speakers "whole body" so "every inch" could be redundant. It's more a personal choice. The real interesting part of this line is ",with desire" the actual wording is good, but I don't know why it is separated and pointed out.

Forth line- What is it then? Too vague for me. Sorry.

Second stanza- Poem picks up speed. Good placement, and I get a feeling of desperation. I dig it, and I can relate. Great stanza. Nothing more to say.

Third stanza
First line- Okay it fits, and I'm listening. Good line.
Second line- Mixed. Making it personal takes me out of the reading. I thought I could relate. I like the idea, but maybe rephrased to put less emphasis on the exclusion and more on the intimacy.
Third/fourth/fifth- Awesome. Good feels- love it.
Sixth line- Back to the personal. Refer to second line.

Sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for in a review. Also sorry if it was too much criticism. I think the poems was good. I think you have a lot of talent. I do think that this poem deserves a little more time though. Cheers- Wordydistance