first story on here

I thought i'd try something new

I sat on my bed, hugging my knees up into my chest trying to see if I could get any pain to come through, I felt nothing, just a thud as I hit myself.

it was numb.The day before was the last time I'd felt anything in the right side of my chest and every second it seemed to grow more hollow. Like there was nothing there. Soon enough there wouldn't be.

I looked up, removing the pressure and smiled up into the sky through my window, peeking upwards on it's weird angle. I tried to smile, at least.

It grew short.

I persisted anyway, smile, Kenya, I told myself, this is the last thing you have to smile about. Don't be stupid, take the chance.

I couldn't.

The thing worthy of at least pretend happiness was my nineteenth birthday, I remember thinking it would never come.

The same way I thought about my yearly shots never coming, or never growing out of my favorite new pair of shoes, the way I thought my childish fads were forever.

Or, the way I thought my father would never pass, that he would simply stay in his ill state forever.

I'd never wish that on him now.

But, such is how a child's' mind works.

Naive and always hanging on to pointless expectations that are simply diverting from enjoying the time you do have.

But the deadline always comes, it always comes.

My eyes darted around the room, trying to inhale it into memory. I never wanted to forget. my awkward little room. 

And I didn't want to leave it ether.

If there was a way I would have ran away, knocked out my helper, hidden somewhere. Anywhere.

It was simply impossible.

You can't run from the law. You can't run from your sorority.

There were posters all over my walls and ceiling, covering it so there was little space to be seen. The chipped, black paint  all according to that day. The day i'd be brought in for choosing. The day I lost my heart.

Not literally.

My heart is still well intact, it wouldn't be taken physically, but on every nineteenth birthday the heart must be 'numbed'. Then they are filled with new, better memories and aspirations that the Queen sees as fit. 

My green eyes sought out the words on the posters, the three sororities, the three, hearts i'd have to choose from.

First sorority, second, or third sorority.

I ringed my hands, my breathing escalating at a small knock at the door.

My mind flew all over the place, suddenly thinking of ways I could still escape it, but my body refused to move in response. I had physically given up on myself as my nonexistent heart tried to keep me breathing.

They were there. I just knew it.

They always attempted to come unnoticed, although that was about impossible, their attire was like fire sitting on snow. And the helpers were never smart enough to wear something, less.

My hand scraped against my bedspread as I walked into the light shining through my window and placed my ear against the door, stretching my ears to hear what was going on on the other side.

If any of my heart remained, these were the moments were it showed itself the most, my palms sweated over the door knob as I pulled it to me with all my strength. I could just see the helper betting to me anyway. Not breaking a sweat as they scooped me up and dragged me off to the queen, or the minister, or whoever.

It didn't matter.

All that mattered was that I was the only damn thing left of me, and I couldn't just give that up.

That must have been the same thing every single nineteen year old told themselves rite before they were taken away forever. Suddenly all those Kids i'd seen taken away, they meant something. Now that it was my turn.

We didn't care until they were knocking on our doors.

The sororities weren't all that bad until they were trying to rob us of our own lives.

Or lack thereof. 

In truth, all they were doing was replacing something empty with something emptier.

I pressed my ear against the door harder, stamping my thick hair into my forehead, feeling it pierce me skin. I could hear hollow sounds echoing through the walls. From all around me.

Next foot steps. Footsteps out of nowhere. But they were enclosing me, I could feel the walls pushing in, and my stump heart growing ever smaller inside of me, so much pressure. 

I couldn't breathe. And I couldn't do anything. 

All I could do was close my eyes.

Someone was singing to me. It sounding like my mother, I tried to push it out of my mind but it grew louder, I couldn't ignore my mother. Or was it my sister? It could have been my father, I couldn't remember or tell.

After it grew louder it grew softer again and I found myself swaying to the voice, pitched high, and soft, and perfect in every way possible. More welcoming than anything i'd experienced in a long time.

I felt like.. I didn't know. It just felt so good.

All I understood was that i'd die if that song ever let me go. I wanted it to vibrate through me, forever and, and I didn't care what happened to me.

Forget the helpers.

Forget the queen forget the Minister. Nothing could ever come between me and that, happiness. 

My sisters small voice laughed in the back of my head as I smiled, nodding to the tune playing itself over and over, my family. My friends, My world the one that had been taken from me. But it was back, it was all there. At my fingertips, I was touching it, I was feeling it.

I could smell My fathers cologne, the one i'd always thought was simply his scent. That it was a part of him like blood and genes.

My tongue slightly hell out of my mouth, and I fell to the floor, straight on my stomach.

I got up, leaning back on the wall as colors swirled in my brain and people I hadn't even remembered existed showed up, waving, blowing kisses. Telling me the loved me, that i'd be okay, that they believed in me.

My whole body soaked up the energy, draining me of any reality, this was my reality.

This is what should have been my reality.

My family. I knew, for a second. I knew they weren't there but I wouldn't admit it. Who would admit that?

They had been given back to me for whatever reason, and I was going to stay forever. They wanted me, they beckoned me over to them.

I wanted to go with them. I wanting to fall into my dreams and be a part of it. I needed to, but I just couldn't.

I wanted to stay is that land of candy and sweets and music, it just went on, and on.

And I lived in fear, I lived in fear that i'd wake up at all.

My eyes shot open.

Author's Note

I don't really write dystopian or fantasy, and not a lot of short stories, and I know it doesn't really end, but I thought i'd try something new. If you think I should keep going say so, and give me tips, I need them

Reviews

[Christian N. C.]

I like it, the ending of it makes me think that Kenya was in a coma and was dreaming of some alternate life she had or wanted, which is why she didn't want to be taken away, it would mean she would wake up from her dream world. I may be over thinking it way too much though :p

[Lyric]

thanks for the review, It means a lot, and i'm not really sure what happens at the end myself, maybe i'll try and figure it out

[kattebel]

The story is very good- I think the second to last and last paragraphs were especially amazing, because it is something that I can relate to, and I'm certain that others would agree, and it is true- that sometimes you wanted to live in your dreams rather than face the waking world. Well-written- good job!

[mappingthenight]

I really like the concept! I found myself wanting to know more - who's the Queen, the Minister? What are the separate sororities like? Where is Kenya now if she isn't with her family? You did a good job giving information without giving it all away and I like that.

Besides some typos/problems with different tenses, I did have a little trouble following along with whether she had a heart or not (I obviously know that she does, but it's about to be altered once/if they take her). Especially after you explained that she did, but still stated it was non-existent in a later sentence. Could very well just be my own problem - I was tired when I read it and sleepy brains aren't as sharp sometimes haha.

"All I understood was that i'd die if that song ever let me go" - Lastly, I loved this line. I love that the song has the ownership over her. The song has the power to keep her or let her go, not the other way around. I thought that was really moving.

[Lyric]

thanks so much for you're feedback