Part 3, Chapter 3

Past trauma

Ch 3 

Xun and Jianyu sat together on their bed. Jianyu ran a brush through Xun’s hair as she dreamily watched the embers glowing in a small brasier that sat near the bed.

After a long time in silence she ask, “Was it hard to face your brother?”

Jianyu sighed, “I wanted to kill him,” he said softly. “I was so angry. But when I saw his face I just couldn’t. He didn’t seem angry or bitter when we fought, just… tired.”

“I don’t remember him being ambitious when my mother served him,” she said thoughtfully. “His mother on the other hand,” she shuddered before clamping her mouth shut.

Jianyu turned her to face him and ran his fingers down her cheek, “What about his mother?” He asked softly.

Xun shook her head and bit her lip, refusing to meet his eyes. Jianyu took her by the shoulders, turning her so she was facing him directly. “Xun, tell me why you are afraid of Consort Merun.”

She opened her mouth, as if to speak, but no sound emerged. Her breathing became ragged and tears started to stream down her face as her forced her to look at him. Jianyu thought hard, his mind running through their many conversations, trying to see if there had ever been some hint of why Xun might have this reaction. 

The night of his proposal sprung vividly into focus. He had asked her then about why she had so much trouble speaking around High Gods. At the time he had been thinking in terms of how it would affect her when she became the Empress, but now he started making different connections.

“Does it have to do with why you can’t speak around the High Gods?” He asked her softly.

She blanched, her skin turning pale and chalky. Jianyu wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her everything would be fine, but he had a feeling if he let this moment pass he would loose important information. More importantly Xun might loose the dance to break the ties this fear held over her, because he knew he wouldn’t have the heart to push her this desperately again.

“Xun,” he said, wrapping calming tendrils of magic around her, slowing her breathing and clouding her mind. He didn’t like using his magic to control other people’s thoughts, and most people had defenses to prevent such a thing. Xun was in a state however where his soft touch slid through all her barriers and he was easily able to push her to speak.

Xun’s breathing steadied and she stared straight ahead, as if she was seeing something far beyond his view.

“I was exploring in the Palace. We had just moved and everything was so new. I wanted to see every nook and cranny. That’s why I was in the Cold Palace. I just wanted to see it, everyone had told me it was haunted. I just wanted to see. But there wasn’t a ghost. There was a man and he was hurting a girl about my age. I tried to stop him. I tried. But he was so strong. He hit me and threw me to the floor. The girl was crying, she was crying so loudly that he hit her too. When we were both quiet he took out a pendant. There was a flash and the girl… the girl… she was so still I thought she was dead, but when he threw her over his shoulder she made a noise and I knew she was still alive. The man came and stood over me and I knew him. He was the King of the Merfolk. He told me if I ever spoke about what I had seen he would kill me. He would kill my entire family, inside the Palace and out. His daughter would be watching for me to say something. If she ever saw me speak to a High God she would tell him and he would kill us. He could do it. If I ever speak to a High God he’ll kill me, and my mother, and the twins, and my uncles, and all our kinfolk. He has power and he can do it.” Xun’s mind thrust Jianyu’s magic out and she began to sob like a child, babbling uncontrollably as the terror poured over her. “He’ll kill them,” she gasped out. “I told you and now he’ll kill them. She’s always been watching. To make sure I don’t talk. And if I talk he’ll kill all of them. He can do it. He has so much power. I can’t talk to anyone about it. But it’s too late because you already know, and now he’ll kill them.”

Jianyu listened to Xun’s broken sentences as she continued to ramble, holding her close and rocking her as the years of pent up fear poured out of her. Something that she had suppressed for a long time had come bubbling to the surface suddenly and Jianyu scrambled to try find a way to help her deal with the outpouring of emotion.

Jianyu sat, holding his wife, telling her over and over that it was ok, they were safe. Everyone would be safe. Eventually her wrenching cries quieted until she sat with her face buried in his chest, empty of strength. After a long time she fell asleep and he tucked her in. He watched her sleep for a time  before he got dressed and went looking for Renping.