Waterfall of Temptation

Can you survive your own battles? Yet another poem from High school English.

Over the sharp edge I knew you would leap.

The desperation in your voice was true.

Life was always an option, still you weep.

Gone now, out of my searching sight, you flew.

 

Dreams disappear forever, leaving me

Now alone and forgotten, never whole

Again. Lost in your sad heart, never free.

Never admitting yet always there. Coal

 

Was your heart. Weak and crumbling without hope.

I tried to help, waiting at the brash end

To pull you out, knowing I could not cope

With the loss you set in my heart to mend.

 

You crept, slowly to the edge still alive

And I promised to always help you strive.

Author's Note

A Sonnet

Reviews

[Kay]

wow the title really got me and I was reading this one word just popped into my mind, rich. You painted everything into my mind and I cam imagine everything you mentioned. Can't wait to see what else you write! Let me know too!
p.s thanks for the nice review you are a sweet heart!

[Dave]

I like your style and language. This is very good!

[Y.F.]

Very well written.
Again I find a "non-rhyme" in your work, yet this one is blunter than the last one I've found: whole-Black.
Was it purposely made?

Aside from that I've really enjoyed the rhyming, flow and subject.
You've done some great work in high school, and I'll gladly read something from a later time.

[[untitled]]

This was good! It's structure worked well for the sonnet. I loved the image the words painted. It was very powerful. Very sad. You have a talent with words.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

i liked the fact that you made the sonnet form work. i've honestly never tried it. but thats because i was never forced to in english! haha

"Black

Was your heart."

really liked what you did there - tying the last verse into the next. i'm thinking trying somethign like that myself - when it's well done like that i find it inspiring :)

hugs

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

wonderfully written piece. really enjoyed this. Excellent write.

[Angela]

I don't remember reading this one in English class. But never the less it's really good unlike you say. It gets you thinking while you read it. I never really liked writing sonnets but you done really well I'd say. You painted a clear image of what you meant. As i read through it I could picture everything you said.