Sliced

What are you thinking about when you read this? Just something I wrote in High School English.

Met with the gleaming edge of the blade,

My sweet juices spilled, yet I prayed.

Peeled, sliced, tattered, and torn.

Gnawed, chewed and still going on.

Bitten upon my red, freckled skin,

Never to be whole again.

Reviews

[flaneur]

At first I thought this was just another cutter poem. Then I realized you could be speaking metaphorically as a piece of fruit.

"These are the cries of the carrots... tomorrow is harvest day, and to them, it is the Holocaust." -- Tool, Disgustipated (from the album Undertow).

[jen -- JG]

You'll probably think I'm rather daft with this thought but here goes.

I could see something like a pepper steak and salad.

i know by looking deeper the symbolism could mean anything from rape and murder to lost virginity but I see -- food.

It is good poem and the rhyming is fine especially when read read aloud. Your have achieved a goal many writers strive to attain -you have written something simple that leaves many complex thoughts running around in the mind. You have made the reader think.

Well done

jen-JG

[Scarlet Opal]

I see a girl who regrets losing her virginity but I cannot be too sure. The title caught my attention, the word "sliced" strangely intrigued me. Hmm, your poem as a whole brought to my mind a tiny slice of time (hehe) in a lonely girl's life. It might just be my personal taste but if the single words could be spread out over a few lines instead of being jumbled onto one line, then I think the poem would slow down and that moment you're capturing could be even more thoroughly felt. Other than that, I like it. :)

[Dave]

Powerful. Interesting ideas in this and leaves the reader wondering but with lots of thoughts.

[Y.F.]

This one can describe a lot of situations, so the reason for your question is quite clear to me.
What popped into my head when I read this is a virgin during her first time, I guess mainly because of these three lines:
"My sweet juices spilled.."
"Bitten upon my red, freckled skin,
Never to be whole again."

A great piece, filled with emotion and imagery which leaves just enough for the imagination to fill in the blanks.
Great rhyming as well, except for the last two lines, which gives the piece character.
Keep up the magnificent job.

[akarusty]

Interesting. I like short and sweet stuff. 'Gnawed, chewed and still going on' is a good powerful line. Interesting play of words between 'blade' and 'bitten', it makes me wonder what caused the wound, was it self-inflicted (emotionally I mean) or from a different source? 'Prayed' suggests you (or the narrator) has someone to turn to in crisis, whether religiously or just a friend.

[Angela]

Good poem. I remember when you wrote this. Gives sort of bad imagery if you think about it too hard lol.
But I know what it is soo I won't spoil the fun for other people