You are the Ocean

I lay by you weak as I'm dying of thirst,
Just far enough away to see you but never experience your touch.
Rising and pulling to every breath that I take,
I watch as you come to me and just as quickly slip away.
I know the shades you hold within,
I have been in the depths of your beauty, surrounded by your darkness, encompassed by your light.
I reach out for you only to feel what is evaporating, you have found so many ways to leave me.
The most I will feel from you comes through your storms,
As the drops strike all around me, waves crash violently into my heart.
I give in and go to you even knowing what will follow,
With each drink that I take you dry me up from the inside out.

Author's Note

First writing. Would love feedback. Not crazy about the title. Suggestions?Thank you!

Reviews

[Roshan Nair]

A really passionate piece! loved the way you used the ocean metaphor to its complete potential...was a really engaging write, liked how you kept it crisp. cheers :) cheers

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is very good. The good description allowed the reader feel the need and the want.
"Rising and pulling to every breath that I take,
I watch as you come to me and just as quickly slip away.
I know the shades you hold within, "
I agree with the logic of the words. Love make us thirst for kiss and embrace till the hunger can overtake us. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sami Khalil]

"the shades you hold within,
I have been in the depths of your beauty, surrounded by your darkness, encompassed by your light.
I reach out for you only to feel what is evaporating, you have found so many ways to leave me."

Your write moves with the tides of love as you sink your readers deeper. Bravo...

[Jamestown]

Fantastic write, the ocean metaphor and the flow of the piece is really good,
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[....................]

I think the title is very fitting and love how you use it as a metaphor for a love you cannot have. The image of you giving all of yourself, knowing in your heart the outcome, is one that leaves me with a feeling of all-consuming longing. Well written!

[Katethepoet]

"I have been in the depths of your beauty, surrounded by your darkness, encompassed by your light.
I reach out for you only to feel what is evaporating, you have found so many ways to leave me. " Beautiful lines! nice job