Of course not

Do you know how it feels like

To live in a constant tension,

Afraid that every moment

The person you care about

Will say or do something terrifying?

Of course not.

Do you know how it feels like 

To be unable to speak, 

Afraid that you will make things worse?

I can't find the right words

To calm down your rage.

Of course not.

Do you know how it feels like

To be forced to listen to the fights

You're having with others?

You are not aware that

You destroy your soul, alongside mine.

Of course not.

Do you know how it feels like

To overthink every single time

When I am around you?

Do you know that I prefer to hide

Rather than to face you?

Of course not.

Do you now how it feels like

To be trapped?

I hear about your from tons of perspectives.

I don't know what to think anymore.

Do you know how much it hurts?

Of course not.

Do you know how it feels like

To want to help someone you care about

But your effort is  refused?

Do you know that I love you

And I want the gentle and kind you back?

Of course not.

Author's Note

As I was working on some new poetries, I stumbled across this poem that I've written a year ago. Re-reading it brought back some painful memories and reopened some scars.
Abuse is a serious topic. No matter what type of abuse, it's an overwhelming roller coaster that leaves you disorriented. You don't know what to think, what to do, and it's all the more heartbreaking when someone close to you does such an atrocious thing to you. It's a vicious and sick `game`: all the apologies and relapses, broken promises and disregarding your feelings just mess you up. I say `game` because most of the times, abusers don't take their actions into consideration and don't think about the consequences of such acts, they treat it as a trivial thing. I honestly can't understand how some people can cause so much harm to another person, yet brushing it under the rug.
During my life, I've encountered many cases of abused people, and I, too, am one of them. As I said before, it's terrible when someone you care about is the one that hurts you. Sadness, anger, frustration, helplessness, an entire hurricane of emotions causes your mind to become a jumble. A conflict between how you saw that person in the past and how you see them now. You know they're close to your soul, but at the same time, you know how much damage they inflict. You wish to give them a piece of your mind in hopes that it will probably start a change in them, but the fear, the tension, the anxiety that comes from the walls that you are showed numbs you.
Abuse isn't a way to show `power` to others, to show that you can tower over someone by creating fright. It's simply a way to show how much of a coward some people are by trampling over someone's feelings and over them as a whole. In its every natures, abuse is wrong, so wrong.
To those of you who have experienced abuse in your life, I let you know: you are not alone in this. It's terrifying, it wrecks you inside, but there are always solutions to escape the nightmare. There are people willing to listen to you, to help you, to give you strength. Reach out, talk about your problems, because you may never know who your courage will inspire. It sounds cliche, but after a storm, the sun comes out. It gets better. It really does. And you will realize how brave and strong you are.
Be kind. Be loving. Be a positive influence. You can be solace, or poison. You have the power to decide, but be sure you make the good decision. Never forget: actions have consequences. Think before you act or speak.
I wish you all well, and if you're going through tough times, I'll be thinking about you. I pray that we can make things better together. Stay kind, beautiful people :)