a disobedient memory

artwork by sue darius

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

is it nostalgia

or a disobedient memory?

it seems to be more pixilated

as the years go by

i suppose that's a good thing

because nostalgia can be a festering wound

it's the voice haunting me at dark thirty

the unattended dance

the team that didn't want me

it's a limp carrot sitting in the crisper

years too long

the disappointment traps me

like wet concrete

holding a position of leverage

i am at its mercy

i tell myself i want that damned nostalgia

to spill into the wind 

to travel to parts unknown

and yet

i just can't bring myself

to erase it

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I wonder dear Lydia. Can we forget?
"i am at its mercy
i tell myself i want that damned nostalgia
to spill into the wind
to travel to parts unknown
and yet
i just can't bring myself
to erase it"
I understand the above lines. I have asked myself this often. Maybe we are tattoos with some things we must keep. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Lydia Shutter]

Indeed, John, once we have experienced something it is almost impossible to forget it. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Lydi**

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree dear Lydia and you are welcome.

[Miss Sharon]

(the disappointment traps me like wet concrete) All of the "if only(s) of life eh Lidia? A wonderful and poignant write my dear friend.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Sharon. Lydi**

[Tate Morgan]

It is something i think about all the time. However those memories shaped us . Good or bad we learn to live with them

[Lydia Shutter]

Absolutely, Tate. Every moment is a teaching experience...whether we choose to learn or not. Thanks for the review. Lydi**

[Tate Morgan]

You’re welcome lydi There are things in my life that give me nightmares. But I remember them. And try to do better

[Kelly Scheppers]

Once again, you boggle the mind. Mine, that is. Always impressing me with your word play and the extraordinary execution of it. And then, there's the artwork - how wonderful it lends its shine. Most enjoyed this one, Lydi. My best to you my friend!

[Lydia Shutter]

Always a pleasure to see you on my page, Kelly. I hope you are well and enjoying summer. Lydi***

[Einstein Noodle]

beautiful Lydi! leaves me breathless ... truly! our memories can play all sorts of tricks and havoc in our ever "now" .. to much time spent captivated by the past robs us eh!? for me .. reading this short, precise and emotive poem is as powerful as any epic Greek tragedy ..
" it's the voice haunting me at dark thirty" love that line!! and i think pixilated memories is spot on .. we warp them ... distort them to fit as time goes by .. the horrors suffered, disobedient, in your poem keep pushing forward as such things are want to do ... until we face them head on .. i love your poem .. very original and hits home in a personal way ... we humans can be funny creatures can't we .. so glad I did not miss this one ma'am! great stuff says i!
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much, E. Breathless? I don't want you to pass out, my friend! :) Greek tragedy...well, it is a Dutch tragedy in any case. I so appreciate your words, E. Lydi***

[Einstein Noodle]

hugs baby!! ;) .... you have a gift .. it would take me forever to eek out such an expression ... so happy you choose to share with everyone ... right here at the Café'

[Ken Simm.]

I love the various uses of metaphor her Lydi. They all work really well to make their points in this fascinating poem on memories.

[Lorry]

The question you begin with Lydi, is it nostalgia or a disobedient memory just made me have an ahhh! moment, as it all fell into place, that those rose tinted's can be such a blessing and a curse, as mind's random jukebox throws up yet another blast from the past, with not so much as a "may I just surprise the hell out of you please!" For every hidden gem that makes us smile, there is a face that would give an arse a headache, excuse the language.
Do as I do Lydi, remember a time in your youth, any time will do. Now think of that mini you and what they are thinking. I bet you it's not nostalgia, guaranteed!
Also, remembering when candy bars were the size of your arm helps too 😊

[emmajoy]

' .. because nostalgia can be a festering wound - it's the voice haunting me at dark thirty - the unattended dance - the team .. '

That 'at dark thirty' (perfectly said) is That Time Whenever. Time for a stab in the back or the sound and feel of another broken heart-string. Pain perpetual which for some masochistic reason stays as if welcome. Your words have set me thinking, rightly or wrongly, as if serving as finely written reminders that nostalgia can travel in convoluted circles!

(Fantastic brush stroked hair in that painting")

[Lydia Shutter]

Convoluted circles indeed! Blurring and going in and out....taunting us. Thank you so much, Emma. Hope all is well with you. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Cannot erase it...but we sure watch it a lot, even when it is pixilated like some shows on Satellite tv...
not a clear, smooth picture....just static and memories how we want to remember them...or not.

[Lydia Shutter]

Exactly....and I wonder sometimes if we rewrite nostalgia as the years move on. Thanks so much, Jacob. Lydi**

[LeslieNoel]

I loved your poem! Nice style and flow.