staring into puddles

missing my mom

photography "puddle roulette" #janathon #day27

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

it's played more than 10,000 times

on the movie screen of my mind

the last hours i spent with you

the sun was melting the concrete outside

but where i sat ice fell from my thoughts

i wanted to tell you everything would be okay

but i knew it wouldn't be

not ever again

you'd been slowly creeping away

for many months

the bills your body was sending

cost more than your soul could pay

voices of summer soon turned to fall

and as you changed

so did i

why can't i remember you as my vibrant mommy?

tonight i saw it all again

because the worst in life 

somehow squeezes it way into memories

i guess that's why

i find myself staring into puddles

thinking my image left this earth 

the day you did

Reviews

[AYVID N]

Reading your words, I am compelled to think of how profoundly one changes as age and ill-health eat away the body. This poem takes me to my own time with my dad who changed from a brilliant surgeon to a senseless, incoherent, terminal case in those last few days.
I also with extreme sadness relate your words to the metaphorical death of relationships...
Written beautifully as always, dear Lydi...

[Lydia Shutter]

So sorry you had to watch your dad go through this. I don't think a child every gets over seeing a parent wither away. I so appreciate your lovely review. Lydi**

[AYVID N]

You are most welcome, dear Lydi.

[emmajoy]

' i find myself staring into puddles - thinking my image left this earth - the day you did '

How deeply those lines hit home, Lydi! Our little mum hovers. I i still think of her every day... somehow Is as if she smiles and i feel it, or, touches my shoulder blade as if to say, 'No sitting around, chick.' Okay so that reads theatrical but is truly how it is. Death takes away reality however - not only of one's mother but other people who went through hell when they just did NOT need the indignity of.. Your poem is utterly beautiful but so heartbreaking for you. Only YOU can feel those words and tuck them away til you need pull them from your safe place to briefly stroke.

Dear Lydi.. your words are more than loving.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much, Emma. Your understanding and empathy mean the world to me. Yes, my mom is with me every day....no doubt about it. Lydi**

[emmajoy]

if okay with you, sending a little (Lydi)

[Lydia Shutter]

Always happy to get a nice hug. Thank you, Emma. Back at ya.

[emmajoy]

Received with smiles!

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Lydi... when we lose our Mother, we are an orphan.
It is a comfort to know that we gave so much of ourself as
best we could. I miss my Mother more each year, as she passed two
days after Christmas in 1978. She was only 58 years old.
It does help to know that so much of your Mom lives on in you.
We must carry on their legacy... and embrace their Spirit. truly, Pat

[Lydia Shutter]

Pat, your sweet review is like a warm hug! Thank you so much. Lydi***

[Corset]

I wish we could all age in reverse then we could all go out gurgling happily at those we love.

[Lydia Shutter]

Great thought! Thanks for visiting. Lydi**

[redzone]

(((((Lydi)))))…. their passing always takes part of us with them leaving a hole that even the good memories do not fill, though that is really all we have left of them.... recently I went through some of the old photos of my mom and dad, remembering the time when the photos were taken and what we were doing and thinking how fortunate I was to have them influence my life....

I know you miss your mom a lot Lydi, it pours through this poem she lives in you now both the sadness as well as the happiness.... your image is still there Lydi, just distorted by the tears....

[Lydia Shutter]

Yes, the sadness and the happiness are entwined. Thank you so much for this "nice" review, my friend. Your compassion means a lot. Lydi**

[Kelly Scheppers]

Death takes piece by piece of our loved ones, then a part of ourselves, as well. It doesn't matter how old we are when they go, for we are all children in losing them.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you for understanding...and the review. Hope all is well with you, Kelly. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

this hits me like a ton of bricks Lydia ... so sorry for your loss ... the moments of my own come crashing down around me ma'am .. so well done ... universal, relatable and so longingly wistful in grieving softly ... thanks so much for sharing ... the sadness and loss never leaves .. tho the edges smooth ... saying my little thought prayers for you this morning ... peace and joy :)
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

Such compassion in your soul, E. My mom has been gone over 9 years, but some days memories just hit me hard. I appreciate this lovely review. Lydi**

[John the Baptist]

"because the worst in life/ somehow squeezes its way into memories". The pain of bereavement pervades this offering, is apparently something the speaker is still dealing with. The parent-child relationship here seems to have been a close one, and the mother's death a crushing blow. One can only hope the grieving process will eventually yield an acceptance, and only the fond memories will remain.

[Lydia Shutter]

John, after my father passed, I took care of my mom on every level for 16 years. She has been gone 9 years now. I am not in the grieving process anymore. I accepted what happened many years ago, but I still miss her every day. Thank you for your kind words. Lydi**

[Cassie]

oh Lord!!!! This is the painfullest read I have read today, Am so sorry Lydia, hugs to you. Your mum is in a better place

[Lydia Shutter]

Sweet Cassie, my mom passed over 9 years ago, but yesterday was a day of remembering for me. Thank you so much for the review and for your compassion. You are a sweetie. Lydi**

[Lorry]

You couldnt have picked a more appropriate title Lydi, as where else are your eyes going to be when such sadness is recalled by an unforgiving mind. It does like to surprise us with its choices playing on the sad song jukebox of the mind.
I was thinking the very same thing only a few days ago, why can't i picture her young, despite having photographs of her in her youth. It is always at her weakest she comes to mind, almost in pain at the thought she probably doesnt even remember her young self either. That is a whole new kind of heartache.
A standout amongst such wonderful lines must be, the bills your body was sending cost more than your soul could pay. I will retire if i ever write a line as good as that.

[Lydia Shutter]

I am humbled by your review, Lorry. So kind of you. Lydi***

[Chris Shaw]

It is immensely painful to witness a loved one go through these changes. Dying is so cruel. The parting is bad enough but the circumstances leading uo to it can be far worse. Yes, I know those flashbacks as I experience them myself with respect to my Dad and my brother and I too find it difficult at times to remember them as they were, not what they became at the end. Such a sad poem Lydi**, so beautifully conveyed and the puddles, yes so easy to lose yourself in them.

the bills your body was sending
cost more than your soul could pay

Those two lines were exceptional in a first class poem.

All good wishes to you dear Lydi**

Chris

[Lydia Shutter]

I so appreciate the empathy you have shown me in this review, Chris. Thanks very much. Lydi**