staring into puddles

missing my mom

photography "puddle roulette" #janathon #day27

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

it's played more than 10,000 times

on the movie screen of my mind

the last hours i spent with you

the sun was melting the concrete outside

but where i sat ice fell from my thoughts

i wanted to tell you everything would be okay

but i knew it wouldn't be

not ever again

you'd been slowly creeping away

for many months

the bills your body was sending

cost more than your soul could pay

voices of summer soon turned to fall

and as you changed

so did i

why can't i remember you as my vibrant mommy?

tonight i saw it all again

because the worst in life 

somehow squeezes it way into memories

i guess that's why

i find myself staring into puddles

thinking my image left this earth 

the day you did

Reviews

[AYVID N]

Reading your words, I am compelled to think of how profoundly one changes as age and ill-health eat away the body. This poem takes me to my own time with my dad who changed from a brilliant surgeon to a senseless, incoherent, terminal case in those last few days.
I also with extreme sadness relate your words to the metaphorical death of relationships...
Written beautifully as always, dear Lydi...

[Lydia Shutter]

So sorry you had to watch your dad go through this. I don't think a child every gets over seeing a parent wither away. I so appreciate your lovely review. Lydi**

[AYVID N]

You are most welcome, dear Lydi.

[GrayHalwk]

Wow so sweet to share lost my family at an early age. They said I was to old for a boys home and had to put me in juvenile detention. Not for being bad but loosing my step parents. So this stitched my soul.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you for reading and responding, Gray. Lydi*

[Neville]

I only recently found out precisely how this feels and for exactly the self same reason...in spite of that, I doubt I could do such a devastating loss as much justice as you have done. A memorable poem indeed.. N

[Lydia Shutter]

Thanks so much, Neville. I am sorry you can identify with the emotions in this one. Lydi**

[R.E. Ray]

Lydia, only someone who experienced such tragedy could've written this poem. First, I think it's a fine tribute to your mom. I think those puddles might come from tears. As I read this I thought about the dilemma we face when seeing our loved ones in their last moments, especially if it's been after a long illness.

Our last and often most vivid memories aren't the good ones. So often we think about their pale and shriveled appearance, their struggle to stay awake, smile or just breathe. Yet, we can't allow such love to escape without saying goodbye. I think you've captured that exceptionally well here, and with a love of a daughter.

[Lydia Shutter]

RE, your review means a lot to me. I took care of my mom for five years before she passed and I have never regretted a moment of that time. I appreciate your words. Lydi**

[Miss Sharon]

(i find myself staring into puddles thinking my image left this earth the day you did) How well I can relate to these words and the imagery they create in my spirit. Love your work Lydi! ~Sharon

[Lydia Shutter]

Sharon, you have been a wonderful friend to me in all your reviews for about 15 years. Thank you so much. Lydi**

[Darrin Reay]

Thank you for making me feel with this piece. The part where you talked about the bills and the costs broke my heart as here in the UK, healthcare is free, and it sort of makes you forget that around the world people are spending a fortune. Your words are beautiful, thank you.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thanks so much, Darrin. Lydi**

[barleygirl]

I'm really sorry you feel this way, but thank you for sharing it & making us feel this way WITH you! This is one of the most powerful tributes I've ever read. I like that you bring up the cost becuz that's a huge factor for many people, trying to figure out how to manage and/or for how long. I love that you bring up the poignant phenomenon of how we forget the vibrant being as our senses become immersed in the agonizing downhill journey. This is so real & so powerful! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much, Margie. We all have our days. Lydi***

[NotUsinganymore]

Very nice oem about how everyone ages but love alwys stay.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thanks very much, JungLee. Lydi*

[Robert Trakofler]

I predict eventually those puddles are going to reflect back the images of a far better time and glisten to you:) I will never forget the last time I saw my stepmother alive in the recovery room. The image I saw of her was more beautiful than I had ever noticed her before as I just sat and smiled to her and she smiled back at me a glow came across her face. She seemed so very alive that day I was confident her transplant was a success but she died the next day the one thing I took from that day (and it took me a while to fully understand it) was she looked upon me with absolute acceptance and it was reflected back at me as was my gaze to her. keep looking in that puddle dear Lydia you will see that too

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for sharing that story with me, Robert. Oh, my mom has been gone over nine years, but there are days that she is on my mind more than others. Memories are special....even if bittersweet. Thank you so much. Lydi**

[Sami Khalil]

Sorry for your loss Lydia. She is in a better place. I can relate for both of my parents have passed away. May you find solace, even in your painful memories. Keep on honoring her sending prayers and such...

[Lydia Shutter]

Sami, both my parents, all my aunts and uncles, and cousins have passed. I cherish the memories. thank you for your compassionate review. Lydi**

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! You are welcome.