I Am Still Your Child

Photography by Emily Bush

Courtesy of etsy.com

I am still your child

I cry when I realize I can’t call you

can’t ask you for advice

or make you proud

 

I am still your child

but now I am the only one

who remembers the smiling faces

in those black and white photos

 

I am still your child

your spark of consciousness

in this physical world

 

I am still your child

but you left me with this emptiness

and it grows with each passing year

 

Because

I am still your child

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Missing both my parents today just a little more than usual.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I had to read this becuz the title beckons hauntingly. You've expressed these oft-felt sentiments creatively with the sorrowful refrain that's oh-so-true in more ways than the parent-child sense. This refrain is fitting, even when one or both parents haven't lived up to their intended potential.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you, Barley. Lydi**

[ghostlyhearts]

This is a beautiful poem. It made me want to call my mom.

[Lydia Shutter]

If your parents are still alive, speak with them and see them as often as you can. Thank you for the review. Lydi**

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Lydi... We are rich in memories...
We knew our parents had unconditional love
for us, and we will always love them... forever.
Amen. Very sweet poetry colored with
flowers and poetry. truly, Pat

[Lydia Shutter]

Indeed, Pat, we were so fortunate to have the parents we did. Thank you very much for the wonderful review. Lydi**

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Lydi, I meant to say that your poetry is colored with
flowers and butterflies. We may have snow flurries tomorrow.
hugs, Pat

[Lydia Shutter]

stay warm, pat.....butterflies are always in my poetry, you know that! :)

[softlyfall]

No matter how old you might be when your parents leave this world. you are still an orphan and bereft.
Inspired by yours:

My Mother

Light through the window warms her face,
she turns to greet it-
how beautiful she is.
There are lines on her face now
mapping the course of the years gone by,
rivers of blood sweat and tears-

How beautiful she is.
Still frame memories beat with my heart-
red lipstick and the cadence of her footsteps;
wit, temper, compassion, wisdom;
faceted goddess, humble lover of life;
her hair in a scarf as she kneels in her garden,
hands filled with seeds and soil
making magic and happily lost in that moment;
dancing on air in my father's arms,
together in a sentimental journey.
She never knew I was watching-
how beautiful she was.

Sometimes words, once razor sharp and keen,
fail to come,
make her struggle-
how cruel they are to her.
The vision she once taught me fails her now,
eyes that sought beauty and miracles-
dimmer now, sadder.
She sits with the warm sun in her face
retaining her dignity.
How very beautiful she is.

With the explosive push of birth
she sent me on my journey-
held my hand for as long as she could
even when I struggled to free myself.
Then let me go and I rushed to meet life,
not looking back but knowing she was behind me.
Always.

What will I do without her?
Stand tall and make her proud,
give to others what she gave to me,
carry her forward in my heart.

How beautiful she is-
always has been-
always will be.

[Lydia Shutter]

Such a touching poem. I took care of my mom the last five years of her life. No matter how much pain she was in, she always had a smile for me and that smile would light up my life. Your words are heartfelt and your poem is wonderful. I am honored my words inspired this. Thank you for the review and your responsive poem. Lydi**

[jesserose99]

we are pieces of our parents for good and for bad, and just want them to carry us on in their memory as we do them in ours, only because our love for them is so great. we just have the desire to make them proud. Alive, and passed. I know what it is like to lose my father, and I know what it is like to just dream of him alone, it is like I just got a chance at a piece of him again. I feel so lucky, and go to my dream journal to write it down so I forget nothing. your poem is moving as always, and speaks on a very deep level. it is an answer to, I was your parent...so thanks for sharing

[Lydia Shutter]

Jesse, it makes me happy that you could identify so strongly with the words of my poem. Thank you very much for your review. Lydi**

[SleeplessVolcano]

This is beautiful, Lydia......I am still blessed to have both my parents alive, though they are in their 80s. Recently we were watching television, and usually, when families do that - not communicating . I felt time slipping by and switched the TV off and took my mom for a walk around the corner to see the display of Christmas lights on one house (27 000 lights!).....She was a bit too tired to walk back, but I fetched her with the car, but we shared a moment together for which I am thankful. I think I'll give them a call now to chat a bit about politics, weather, and when I am moving closer....:

Be comforted when you miss them. You are, because they were. Your spirit was birthed in you because of them......

[Lydia Shutter]

Such comforting words you have left for me. I hope you are fortunate enough to have your parents with you for many more years. You obviously are making memories with them every day...as I did with mine. Thank you for your review. Lydi**

[Tom]

Sadly, when a loved one is tragically called away, the grieving process can last many years and somewhat selfishly, cause even a tinge of resent when we remember their wise countenance in times of trouble and strife !

Delicately penned Lydia, with reflective poignancy !

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much, Tom. I don't think the grieving process is ever completed. I think it just wanes with time. Lydi**

[David Scott]

Your heart shows your beauty here. I struggle with these topics Lydi. My parents are still alive. Yet they have been and still are so busy and distracted as to be unapproachable beyond a superficial connection. I wish I could feel this emotion for them. When I try it just backfires and dead ends...
Yes, I am their child, but I feel it is such a small part of who I am today. It feels selfish and unappreciative to even say such a thing, but it is my truth for now.
Your words give me hope I will find such eternal connection with my children... It is a blessing to feel as you do here. A stirring write for me as I'm sure it is for you more so.
Beautifully written.

[Lydia Shutter]

Yes, I was very fortunate to be born to the parents I was born to....my family was very special and I know not all families are this way. I am sorry your connection to your parents is not a strong one. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to change that before they are gone. I appreciate your warm review. Thank you. Lydi**

[Sheila Kline]

The loss of a parent is like a sealed envelope losing its glue; we become unglued, like the little child who waits for a cone of ice cream only to have the ice cream truck turn the corner and go the other way; we can't have what we have come to know and enjoy; like a baby who cries for its bottle only to have its cry go unanswered, so it cries and cries and cries until it cries itself to sleep, hungry, alone, wanting more.......our parents are the link that allows us to be who we are, no matter who we are. When one of them is gone, or both of them, life becomes void of that which gave us life. Words to describe this feeling of loss are too inadequate - you have captured the feeling in a way that stirs the soul, causes the spirit to cry tears of "I miss you!". I hope you are soon feeling better my sweet friend! There is nothing I can say that shall take away your feelings of angst, but I can extend to you a hand of friendship with an extra big HUG attached! And that I do............!!!!!!

[Lydia Shutter]

Indeed, you are spot on....like a sealed envelope losing its glue....there is something missing. My father passed 22 years ago and my mom 6 years ago. I am truly okay....just miss them more on some days than on others. Wish I could pick up the phone and tell them something. Such is life....and we can only hope we will be remembered as sweetly when we are gone. Your compassion and friendship in this review is touching and I thank you so much, Sheila. Lydi**

[emmajoy]

Oh lydi.. nothing alters, does it? The place where parents should be seems to grow over time, the need to just hear voices, touch skin, share time, share love.- This is heartbreaking and truth absolute. ((Lydi))

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you for your kind understanding and the review, Emma. Lydi**

[ANTO]

Jesus, what a heartbreaking refrain.
(((hugs)))) my friend. This is beautiful.
x

[Lydia Shutter]

Now THERE's an emotional review. Thanks so much, Anto. Lydi**