embracing the emotion

this photo was taken on mother's day 2010. my mom passed away less than four months later. i cherish the photo and the memories

mother's day 2010

sometimes i think i hear it

for just a moment

the IV pump beeping rhythmically

through middle-of-the-night angst

and in that moment i remember

the stale air

            the semi darkness

the roller coaster ride

of illness-convalescence-new illness

and the indifference

masquerading as compassion

from the “professionals”

the ones who told me i was a good daughter

                        but i had to let go

what did they know?

my world turned inside out

and then upside down for you

you held on and so did i

we ticked off days one by one

you occasionally giving me the gift of a smile

or a memory only we shared

            now that daddy was gone

the weeks sometimes had 10 days

each one holding what seemed like more than 24 hours

centimeter by centimeter i measured my steps

down the hallway to your apartment

never sure what i would find

never sure i could handle it                

but i did

because i am your daughter

strength is in my DNA

i carried you as you had carried me

your green eyes sparkled with pride

sunday's mother's day

my fifth without you

i'll go out with everyone

but your seat will be empty

yes, i will handle it

treading softly on memories

embracing the emotion

i miss you

 

 

If you are fortunate enough to have your Mom in your life, make sure you tell her you love her as often as you can.  

Make sure you cherish her.  Don't wait till it's too late.

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

Very beautiful and touching tribute to your mom. As much as we suffer the professional that try to appear caring are beaten down by the scene like your mother day after day. It's hard not to have apathy when your daily life is surrounded by this continuing tragedy. I also feel the pull of the past and my mom as she passed in "09 and this year seemed to be harder than passed years. Thanks for sharing your beautiful words.

[Lydia Shutter]

Yes, as I have said, I totally understand why the professionals have to be disconnected. If they were not, they would have a hard time dealing with all the pain and suffering before them every day. It's strange how we miss them more on some days than on others. Sorry you are feeling her loss more now. Thank you for the review. Lydi**

[Desert Knave]

"... the ones who told me i was a good daughter but i had to let go...". Wow. This whole write is magnificent, but that line tears at my heart. As Mom's health has been lousy the last couple years and we came fairly close to losing her I have tried to let her know as often as possible that she matters so much to me. Anyhow ... thank you for sharing this. You rock. ~Jim

[Lydia Shutter]

Jim, you are a good son to your Mom and I know you make her life more special. That is all we can do. I appreciate your warm review very much. Lydi**

[~]

This is both beautiful and heartbreaking. I love my mother and I don't know how sad I will be when she will not be here with me anymore. I am happy, you have loving memories, and that picture is just amazing. Hug!!! :D

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Moon. I took care of my mom for the last five years of her life. We were very close and I will cherish the time I spent with her always. I hope you have your Mom with you for many more years. Lydi**

[~]

I hope so too. It is great to hear that you took care of her. So many people do not have that luxury.

[ANTO]

Simply put, this is gorgeous Lydia. As delicate as a butterflies wings but as strong as steel.
Heartbreaking.

[Lydia Shutter]

what a lovely thing to say, Anto. Thank you. Lydi**

[ANTO]

You're welcome and deserving my talented friend

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, do i relate to this...you know my mom passed last september--lots of up and downs. ins and outs...lots of memories...

thank you for this.

jacob

[Lydia Shutter]

Yes, I remember when she passed. The memories are precious, but having them is far better. Thank you for your warm review. Lydi**