embracing the emotion

this photo was taken on mother's day 2010. my mom passed away less than four months later. i cherish the photo and the memories

mother's day 2010

sometimes i think i hear it

for just a moment

the IV pump beeping rhythmically

through middle-of-the-night angst

and in that moment i remember

the stale air

            the semi darkness

the roller coaster ride

of illness-convalescence-new illness

and the indifference

masquerading as compassion

from the “professionals”

the ones who told me i was a good daughter

                        but i had to let go

what did they know?

my world turned inside out

and then upside down for you

you held on and so did i

we ticked off days one by one

you occasionally giving me the gift of a smile

or a memory only we shared

            now that daddy was gone

the weeks sometimes had 10 days

each one holding what seemed like more than 24 hours

centimeter by centimeter i measured my steps

down the hallway to your apartment

never sure what i would find

never sure i could handle it                

but i did

because i am your daughter

strength is in my DNA

i carried you as you had carried me

your green eyes sparkled with pride

sunday's mother's day

my fifth without you

i'll go out with everyone

but your seat will be empty

yes, i will handle it

treading softly on memories

embracing the emotion

i miss you

 

 

If you are fortunate enough to have your Mom in your life, make sure you tell her you love her as often as you can.  

Make sure you cherish her.  Don't wait till it's too late.

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

Very beautiful and touching tribute to your mom. As much as we suffer the professional that try to appear caring are beaten down by the scene like your mother day after day. It's hard not to have apathy when your daily life is surrounded by this continuing tragedy. I also feel the pull of the past and my mom as she passed in "09 and this year seemed to be harder than passed years. Thanks for sharing your beautiful words.

[Lydia Shutter]

Yes, as I have said, I totally understand why the professionals have to be disconnected. If they were not, they would have a hard time dealing with all the pain and suffering before them every day. It's strange how we miss them more on some days than on others. Sorry you are feeling her loss more now. Thank you for the review. Lydi**

[Cerise]

a beautiful tribute for your mom ...a loving touching write...I pray this poem gave you solace..I m speechless....well done...

[Lydia Shutter]

Writing was the way I got through that difficult time, Cerise. Thank you for your compassionate review. Lydi**

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This is so powerful and deeply passionate and expresses the range of emotions you had to endure watching your precious mother pass away. And the 'professionals' are generally desensitised to pain and suffering, you got that right, even if i am one.

[Lydia Shutter]

I understand they have to be, John. My mom passed almost 5 years ago. Joining her on the roller coaster of pain and illness is something I will never regret, but it took a lot out of me. Thank you for the review. Lydi**

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I never was, not boasting but I saw too much neglect and indifference and Knew from age 19 I had to be different.

[Lydia Shutter]

Then you made a decision many family members and patients appreciate.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Anyone who goes into a profession, whatever it is has a duty to that profession and the people who rely on it. At least that is my take on it. Thanks Lydi

[...]

Hi Lydia...I have this knot in my throat right now. My mother isn't well. She suffers every day. Some are better than others. Hard for her to breathe. This touched me very deeply. Written with so much love.

[Lydia Shutter]

Lynn, I hope things go as easily as possible for your mother...and for you. This is a difficult time for you both. Thank you so much for reviewing this write. Lydi**

[SyberRose]

A lovely photo of you and your mom...mine will be 89 soon...and I wonder how long I will have her. Thank you for posting Lydia. Rose

[Lydia Shutter]

Cherish every day you have her, dear Rose. My mom made it to 94.....but it was a roller coaster of health and emotion. I appreciate your review. Lydi**

[Tom]

Despite the hardship and great discomfort your mom was enduring, you stayed strong and supported her right to the very end !

A most noble write Lydia, the compassion and deep love you had and still have for your dear mother is clearly obvious to the reader and the sentiment throughout is indeed heartfelt !

[Lydia Shutter]

Tom, I can not thank you enough for your understanding and the warm review. I appreciate you! Lydi**

[Troy Henson]

The love, feeling and emtion entwined in this is beautiful Lydi. The bond that you shared is nothing short of perfect and shall never be broken.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thanks so much, Troy. Lydi**

[redzone]

I know you miss her Lydi, she is woven into the fabric of your life, her threads adding strength to yours... No one can tell us to "move on" when we are so interconnected. Yes, we live, but we remember and we feel their loss, deeply. Are we not human? This is a really "nice" poem Lydi and a great photo. Brought a smile.

My mom will turn 90 June 24th. I'm heading down to celebrate with dad and my brother. Wasn't sure she would make 90 when she got sick 2 years ago, but there she is a real party animal.. we... sssssssshhh don't tell her I said that or she will pull my ears... ouch! Be well Lydi

[Lydia Shutter]

Yes, I remember when your mom was so sick a couple years ago. I am so happy she is still with you and your family and that you will be able to celebrate. I know she will be thrilled her family is celebrating with her. Thank you for the "nice" review, my friend. You are a special friend to me. Lydi**

[Fran Marie]

The love wrapped up within is so special..the bond. Between mother and daughter so strongly felt...a beautiful tribute for your mom .a loving touching write...happy mothers day also dear Lydi..

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much, Fran. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day. Lydi**

[Fran Marie]

You ate so welcome, thanks. Lydi, yes I did..

[An owl on the moon]

How your words so movingly and beautifully express the love you have for your mother... and the pain you still feel in the losing of her... She must have been so remarkable to have raised a daughter as wondrous as you... May you always feel her presence... her love.. her courage flowing in you... Sweet blessings on this bittersweet day...

[Lydia Shutter]

A warm and compassionate review, Craig. I thank you....from my heart. Lydi**