embracing the emotion

remembering mom

photo by jennie marie schell

courtesy of fineartamerica.com

sometimes i think i hear it

for just a moment

the IV pump beeping rhythmically

through middle-of-the-night angst

and in that moment i remember

the stale air

            the semi darkness

the roller coaster ride

of illness-convalescence-new illness

and the indifference

masquerading as compassion

from the “professionals”

the ones who told me i was a good daughter

                        but i had to let go

what did they know?

my world turned inside out

and then upside down for you

you held on and so did i

we ticked off days one by one

you occasionally giving me the gift of a smile

or a memory only we shared

            now that daddy was gone

the weeks sometimes had 10 days

each one holding what seemed like more than 24 hours

centimeter by centimeter i measured my steps

down the hallway to your apartment

never sure what i would find

never sure i could handle it                

but i did

because i am your daughter

strength is in my DNA

i carried you as you had carried me

your green eyes sparkled with pride

tonight’s the last night of chanukah

my third without you

the candles will be lit

and i’ll say the prayer you taught me

yes, i will handle it

treading softly on memories

embracing the emotion

i miss you

 

Author's Note

very emotional this time of year...the photo accompanying this poem is of tulips because my family is from the netherlands. they were mom's favorite flower.

Reviews

[Ma'at]

i love the worth choice and power shown throughout this piece. it is so sad, that is inevitable, and i loved how you never slowed on the emotion and power and you just kept going no matter how painful this must have been for you to write. writing emotional pieces is very easy to do in such a tough time. i admire your work and how you write very much.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for reviewing an older poem of mine. I appreciate it. Lydi**

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I am sorry for your grief Lydi. This is a lovely depiction of your love and devotion and the pain of having to stay strong just when we are weak. Loved the pop at the 'professionals' I am a care professional by background and even I cringe!

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you for your warm words, John. Sorry if I insulted you with my words. When people who did not know me or my mother told me she was old and I had to let go, to me, it was just cruel. When I gave them "the look" they would say, "We know because we see this all the time." Better to say nothing if you ask me. In any case, I appreciate you reading my words and leaving such a warm review. Lydi**

[Sami Khalil]

What a sad but fitting tribute to your mom and using the symbol made it more personal. You are honoring her with this wonderful write...:)................

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Sami. I appreciate your review. Lydi**

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...Any time...:)....................