embracing the emotion

remembering mom

photo by jennie marie schell

courtesy of fineartamerica.com

sometimes i think i hear it

for just a moment

the IV pump beeping rhythmically

through middle-of-the-night angst

and in that moment i remember

the stale air

            the semi darkness

the roller coaster ride

of illness-convalescence-new illness

and the indifference

masquerading as compassion

from the “professionals”

the ones who told me i was a good daughter

                        but i had to let go

what did they know?

my world turned inside out

and then upside down for you

you held on and so did i

we ticked off days one by one

you occasionally giving me the gift of a smile

or a memory only we shared

            now that daddy was gone

the weeks sometimes had 10 days

each one holding what seemed like more than 24 hours

centimeter by centimeter i measured my steps

down the hallway to your apartment

never sure what i would find

never sure i could handle it                

but i did

because i am your daughter

strength is in my DNA

i carried you as you had carried me

your green eyes sparkled with pride

tonight’s the last night of chanukah

my third without you

the candles will be lit

and i’ll say the prayer you taught me

yes, i will handle it

treading softly on memories

embracing the emotion

i miss you

 

Author's Note

very emotional this time of year...the photo accompanying this poem is of tulips because my family is from the netherlands. they were mom's favorite flower.

Reviews

[Ma'at]

i love the worth choice and power shown throughout this piece. it is so sad, that is inevitable, and i loved how you never slowed on the emotion and power and you just kept going no matter how painful this must have been for you to write. writing emotional pieces is very easy to do in such a tough time. i admire your work and how you write very much.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for reviewing an older poem of mine. I appreciate it. Lydi**

[redzone]

every time I read a poem you write about your mom, I feel as I am given a chance to know her,and her daughter.. Lydi, you share the emotion, yes embrace it, but you also give us so much more and it is this LOVE (the only word I can come up with) this, emotion felt in each word and line that you allow us to also embrace. tulips are a special flower. be well (((Lydi))) --redzone

[Lydia Shutter]

Curt, your review means a great deal to me. Thank you very much. My mom would have enjoyed your personality. Yes, it was love.....a love that many daughters do not have for their mothers, but I was fortunate. Thanks, Curt. Lydi**

[Ruth]

Oh, Lydi...beautiful dedication!

That is the key, isn't it? To "embrace the emotion" instead of becoming so low with it. Memories sure are tangible and potent things. Good to have but do stir the heart this time of year. I felt this and relate, the strength is sometimes not seen until afterwards...so I think myself but we do so because of love and carry that love on, for them and because of them.

Beautiful poem!

x

[Lydia Shutter]

Thankyou very much, Poppy. I knew you would understand. lydi**

[Ruth]

My pleasure hon x

[Baby Ricochet]

Some emotions are like cuddly little care bears, others are like porcupines wielding AK-47'S.
The loss of a parent is somewhere between the two. When we were young we took them for granted, even resented them. It's not until we're grown up ourselves we realize what they were up against.

[Lydia Shutter]

What a great way to describe emotions, Baby. Thank you for this review. Means a lot to me. Lydi**

[Baby Ricochet]

My pleasure

[kublakhan27]

My dear friend, it's hard to know what to say in these situations. You know that I've experienced the same things you did, and in spite of our best efforts to put on a brave face, the pain is always there. Reading this piece was like a shock to my system, as I realized how similar our feelings and perceptions were under such circumstances. You have my tears and my support Lydi...I hope that we can both find solace in the weeks to come, and be able to forge a smile from the positive memories that will always be there to conquer the pain as much as possible. Take care my friend, and know that's you're not alone with these feelings.

[Lydia Shutter]

You actually knew JUST what to say and I thank you very much, my friend. Your review means a lot to me. Lydi**

[kublakhan27]

We're all in this together my friend...always a pleasure :)

[Jack...]

Lydi, your beautiful poem for your dear mother has fallen deep into my heart and brought tears to my eyes. This is love in its truest and most wondrous form. To hear you speak of her with such tenderness and affection truly touches me. So very nicely penned.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Jack. Hope you are well, my friend. Lydi**

[Coyote Poetry]

"i carried you as you had carried me
your green eyes sparkled with pride"
A sad and beautiful poem. The above lines are true. We carry people with us in heart and in spirit. I hear my Grandfather and father's voice today when I speak. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for your review. Lydi**

[icelandicblue]

The reading of this piece choked me up. I could feel the love and the loss radiate off your words like heatwaves off pavement. I understand those memories and they comfort and cut and we soldier on with tears in our eyes because it is who we are and more importantly it is who they were. I am moved by this piece beyond even my own words.

[Lydia Shutter]

Your review has moved me! Blue, you are a special lady. Thank you so much. Lydi**

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Lydi... Lovely to share the last night
of Chanukah with you through your poetry.
The tulips are lovely ... as you embrace the
Emotion of the third year without your Mom.
The memory of her green eyes must be a
Treasure you hold dear. Truly...
My friend... Pat

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Pat. Your words mean a lot to me. Lydi**

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

My father is gone to my mother also I lost in a younger age I understand I miss many people
This is such an emotional write that comes from deep inside of you my
heart breaks for you I am so sorry..... I am sure your father somehow heard these words as you love you hasto be so proud that should be he heard these words as you wrote them
The tulips fit these words this beautiful tribute to your father seems to be such a wonderful gentleman
I wish you peace and happiness this time of year

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for your warm and compassionate review, Chloe. Lydi**

[Chloe..Across the Universe]

You're so welcome

[MsJewel]

(((((( Lydi))))))) ...you have left me in tears.. I can't even comment...

Hold those memories close my friend.

Big hugs,
Julie

[Lydia Shutter]

Julie, thank you so much. Now dry your eyes and go have a cup of coffee! :) Lydi**