embracing the emotion

remembering mom

photo by jennie marie schell

courtesy of fineartamerica.com

sometimes i think i hear it

for just a moment

the IV pump beeping rhythmically

through middle-of-the-night angst

and in that moment i remember

the stale air

            the semi darkness

the roller coaster ride

of illness-convalescence-new illness

and the indifference

masquerading as compassion

from the “professionals”

the ones who told me i was a good daughter

                        but i had to let go

what did they know?

my world turned inside out

and then upside down for you

you held on and so did i

we ticked off days one by one

you occasionally giving me the gift of a smile

or a memory only we shared

            now that daddy was gone

the weeks sometimes had 10 days

each one holding what seemed like more than 24 hours

centimeter by centimeter i measured my steps

down the hallway to your apartment

never sure what i would find

never sure i could handle it                

but i did

because i am your daughter

strength is in my DNA

i carried you as you had carried me

your green eyes sparkled with pride

tonight’s the last night of chanukah

my third without you

the candles will be lit

and i’ll say the prayer you taught me

yes, i will handle it

treading softly on memories

embracing the emotion

i miss you

 

Author's Note

very emotional this time of year...the photo accompanying this poem is of tulips because my family is from the netherlands. they were mom's favorite flower.

Reviews

[Ma'at]

i love the worth choice and power shown throughout this piece. it is so sad, that is inevitable, and i loved how you never slowed on the emotion and power and you just kept going no matter how painful this must have been for you to write. writing emotional pieces is very easy to do in such a tough time. i admire your work and how you write very much.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for reviewing an older poem of mine. I appreciate it. Lydi**

[Tom]

You reflect in refined remembrance Lydia, through this eloquent, sanguine soliloquy !

A profoundly emotional write, penned in such an honourable, dignified manor !

[Lydia Shutter]

I am humbled by your review, Tom. Thank you. Lydi**

[Sanober]

Oh Lydi... this is such a powerfully poignant tribute to your mom, to the amazingly strong woman she must have been...to all the memories..the harshest times that you weathered together, to the bond that transcends time. You have captured it all so beautifully. It is impossible to make it through this poem without shedding a tear. Through your words, I am embracing the magnitude of the emotion too, all the beauty and pain of it. I pray this time passes soon, my friend. Such a moving poem.

[Lydia Shutter]

My dear Sanober...you are such a special friend to me. Thank you very much for this review. Lydi**

[An owl on the moon]

Such a beautiful longing... a sweet remembrance of a wonderful life you shared with your dear mother... and you share her strength and yours with us through your profound words...

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you for your warm review, Craig. It is appreciated. Lydi**

[kumars]

very well versed words nicely said.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much. Lydi**

[Trace]

I have tried several times to comment on this work
trying again.

We all know that our time here is but a brief glimmering in the vastness of the universe
but what we do with that time defines us .
when we share that time with the ones we love there is no greater measure of love
I know your mother must have been an incredible woman because I know you, her daughter
and I am sure she must have been so proud of you.

This poem is so personal and emotional it takes a moment or two to finish reading.

Take care of you my friend in this holiday season and time of remembrance.

Huggs... Trace

[Lydia Shutter]

My dear, Trace...you are a special friend indeed. Thank you so much for the compliments, for the review, and for your compassion. Lydi**

[Trace]

You should see the smile on my face right now.
I am so happy to see you.
you will not believe how much you have been missed.

Great big giant Truck HUGGS my dear friend.
Trace

[Lydia Shutter]

(((((((Trace))))))))

[Diary of A Man™]

"carried you as you had carried me..."
..beautiful sentiment

[Lydia Shutter]

I appreciate your review so much. Thank you. Lydi**

[gabrielle]

this piece brought me back to my most painful moment, seeing my dad, our tower of strength, lying so helpless in the hospital bed. it was so hard for me to accept his passing that i wanted to sue those "professionals." but in the middle of our grief, the wisdom and strength of our mother calmed us. This piece is a wonderful tribute to a mother, lydi. i could feel her strength and compassion, as clearly reflected in you piece. thank you for sharing this.

[Lydia Shutter]

Such a compassionate and empathetic comment, Gabrielle. I thank you very much. Lydi**

[Vidya Bacchus]

This is truly a wonderful tribute to the first man we ever give our love to.Our fathers teach us so much and do so much for us and we must before it is too late always tell them how much they mean to us.Wonderful lydi!!!!

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for your review. It was actually about my Mother. Lydi**

[Vidya Bacchus]

Haha well I felt for my father i guess:)

[wordman]

sad write lydi my mother in law died a couple years back she lived with us my wife took care of her as we all did day after day never knowing when the last day would come but when it did it was a sad time and all the so called professionals would flock around with all their advice lost my aunt in april have one more left and one sister my wifes aunt used to say she sat around amongst the dead sitting in her living room with all the pictures holidays will be over soon

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for your warm words, Ron. We have all suffered losses, yes. Lydi**

[h d e rushin]

Yes I get emotional..Especially this time of year when photo albums are dragged from the closet
where they sat since the last time, and one is reminded again of a smile, a manerism, they way
they stood for photo's.

You always write with such passion and reverence. And it is always a joy.

dana

[Lydia Shutter]

Dana, I am honored by your review. Thank you very much. Lydi**