embracing the emotion

remembering mom

photo by jennie marie schell

courtesy of fineartamerica.com

sometimes i think i hear it

for just a moment

the IV pump beeping rhythmically

through middle-of-the-night angst

and in that moment i remember

the stale air

            the semi darkness

the roller coaster ride

of illness-convalescence-new illness

and the indifference

masquerading as compassion

from the “professionals”

the ones who told me i was a good daughter

                        but i had to let go

what did they know?

my world turned inside out

and then upside down for you

you held on and so did i

we ticked off days one by one

you occasionally giving me the gift of a smile

or a memory only we shared

            now that daddy was gone

the weeks sometimes had 10 days

each one holding what seemed like more than 24 hours

centimeter by centimeter i measured my steps

down the hallway to your apartment

never sure what i would find

never sure i could handle it                

but i did

because i am your daughter

strength is in my DNA

i carried you as you had carried me

your green eyes sparkled with pride

tonight’s the last night of chanukah

my third without you

the candles will be lit

and i’ll say the prayer you taught me

yes, i will handle it

treading softly on memories

embracing the emotion

i miss you

 

Author's Note

very emotional this time of year...the photo accompanying this poem is of tulips because my family is from the netherlands. they were mom's favorite flower.

Reviews

[Ma'at]

i love the worth choice and power shown throughout this piece. it is so sad, that is inevitable, and i loved how you never slowed on the emotion and power and you just kept going no matter how painful this must have been for you to write. writing emotional pieces is very easy to do in such a tough time. i admire your work and how you write very much.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much for reviewing an older poem of mine. I appreciate it. Lydi**

[Cassie]

sorry for your loss and this is a very good honor to your mom. May she always rest peacefully.

[Lydia Shutter]

Amen! Thank you, Cassie. You are really making my day with all your wonderful reviews. lydi**

[Frieda P]

A heavy sigh on your page Lydi, loss, especially at this time of year is always so difficult. This is a tender albeit, bittersweet tribute to your memories.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you, Frieda. I went through a lot with both my parents, but they did so much for me too. Being an only child has its drawbacks and its benefits....I feel very fortunate I had the parents I did and that I was able to do all I did for them both. Thank you for your review, my friend. Lydi**

[Frieda P]

Very fortunate indeed, you were bless'd. Always a pleasure to read you Lydi, even through tears.

[Sue Hart]

A touch, a memory, time slipping by, death at the door. Very beautifully done.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Sue. Lydi**

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

High emotions often create the most well crafted pieces, as you have proved time and time again, well done, good read.

[Lydia Shutter]

I am overwhelmed by all your reviews. Once again, thank you. Lydi**

[Ken Simm.]

We sometimes have to wonder when a life stops being a life. Remarkable Lyndi.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much, Ken. Lydi**

[Troy Henson]

An emotional piece. The loss of someone is always a head thing to deal with.
Regards
Troy

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you, Troy. Lydi**

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I can relate to this piece...it hit me in the heart and brought tears to my eyes. A beautiful remembrance, but painful as well. I think that those who care for their loved ones in such times are the angels that walk this earth. I have been through this as well, and I feel your pain, and perhaps your release in writing this. Very well written.

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you very much, Sarah....it is a labor, but a labor of love and those who have not been there really do not get it. Thank you for understanding. You are a special lady if you have been a caregiver. It is an experience I will never regret. It changed me. I appreciate your review. Lydi**

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

sad yet very beautiful I really liked this

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you so much. Lydi**