Are These The Words?

I wrote this poem today in Earth Science after I finished a test. I wrote it partly about two guys I knew, or at least I THOUGHT I knew.

Broken, beaten, betrayed, deceived,

I realize how wrong I was with every breath I take,

You weren't what you appeared to be,

You were a mistake.

 

Are these the words to describe,

Someone I have loved forever?,

But I was tricked, fooled,

I don't want us to be together.

 

I was caught up in that fantasy world,

In which you reside,

You tried to change me to fit your wishes,

To all my loved ones, I had to lie.

 

I lied about the bruises and the scars,

That seemed to appear out of thin air,

With each lie I felt more and more pain,

I then knew that my life was going nowhere.

 

Broken, beaten, betrayed, deceived,

These are the words that once described me,

Now that I left, my life is better,

Finally, my strength is all I see.

Reviews

[[Dark]]

nice! you wrote it with everything you got it seems. it was a 10 outa 10. you presented emotion and moods very well. you described it in such a great way. the rhyming was real good. i liked how you rhymed the 2nd and 4th line of each stanza. and the last word from each stanza (4th line) started the next stanza. the poem flowed very well!

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Broken, beaten, betrayed, deceived,

I loved these opening lines, This poem is really so dark and full of sadness.
It seems like you dedicated your full heart and soul while writng this one...

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Cool, ya just pull yourself up by the old bootstraps, skake it off and get on with your life...the show MUST go on! Great poem.

[Wildecat]

A well written poem. Sometimes we have to cut our losses and move on. Nice write.

[Samuel Dickens]

Atta-girl. Good riddance to bad rubbish. You're too good for the likes of them. Find someone that honors the truth.