Bleeding Out Loud

Based off a dream--with a hidden meaning I am still trying to fully understand

I came up from underground

A painful surge though my body

Struck by lightning

I look down, knowing,

At my blood soaked clothes

Drifting out of consciousness…

 

I jolt back

Mom suspended, expectantly

Almost dead, pain searing

Crying, straining-- I feel I am screaming

But she doesn’t see in my plain sight

"I’m bleeding out!"

“Look! You’re not bleeding!”

How does she not see?

I can’t bring myself to look down

At all that blood again.

 

Until I do.

There is no blood.

This must be some trick of the mind

Some twisted altered reality

Because if I’m not bleeding

How do I explain the pain I’m feeling?

 

She’s walking away.

How do I make her see?

A barrier obstructs me

As blood pools deep beneath me

What will make her see

That I am bleeding?

Author's Note

I'm struggling with making the ending better...

Take a stab at the meaning behind it

Reviews

[Eliza arabi]

beautiful :)
sounds painful, like you were struggling

[Luuucy]

thank you! I imagine a struggle to make your voice heard when you don't know how to speak

[Lyn Anderson]

I think the end is good, just maybe less wordy? More dramatic? How do I make her see the barrier obstructing me? the pool of blood beneath me? As to the meaning, something you need a loved one to see but they cannot -- a secret, an emotion? Very good narrative poem.

[Luuucy]

Oh ok, I see your point. I will test out some changes. Thank you for reading and your suggestions!

[Luuucy]

What do you think of this for the last line?
She’s walking away.
How do I make her see?
A barrier obstructs me
As blood pools deep beneath me
What will make her see
That I am bleeding?

[Lyn Anderson]

Much clearer, more succinct. Sorry, I was out, but hadn't logged out.

[Luuucy]

thank you!

[Inject Positivity]

it seems that the speaker/poetess is feeling a pain that is invisible to others, a blood shed that has no blood...she cannot explain her pain to anyone, no one is there to understand her pain.... the words and way it has been presented is so good to read... as it opens with blood drops and horrifying thoughts it keeps the reader interested.... a very fine write...

[Luuucy]

Thank you, you really got the message. I see the mom as being someone there to understand her/my pain, but she can't unless she/I let her in to reveal it (connecting to another poem I wrote, "my castle walls")... Thank you for sharing your review and interpretation

[Inject Positivity]

okaaay!! so now i understand the whole thought process behind... well im glad that i read the poem that im able to understand it properly.... well done... you seem quite experienced with poetic words and placing them in poems...

[Luuucy]

Thank you! I take that compliment very highly! I haven't written poetry for a couple of years (since required assignments in high school), and these are the first I have written that really tap into my emotions so seriously. I am so happy they are being received so positively!
Thank you for taking your time to read both works to understand my thoughts

[Inject Positivity]

well i do believe that you were a poet even if you didn't write much last couple of years but your skill level shows you had a relationship with writing... and it was my pleasure, your other poem gave me a vision of my own feelings... thank you very much for that mate...

[Luuucy]

Thank you again! I'm pleased that it touched you

[Inject Positivity]

well it was deeply connected with my whole life.... you are welcome....

[barleygirl]

This reads more like a story than a poem. I see someone waking from a bad dream with lots of blood, the mom standing over, helping her/him awaken & reassuring there's no blood. (Could be more consistent in the use of quotation marks for dialogue). The "underlying" message seems clear to me -- we are all hurting in ways that are invisible to others. Sometimes only in our dreams do we "see" or "feel" or "admit to" this pain. Awakening is that moment when we struggle to separate our dream life from reality, with some of our inner dream life spilling over into real life, in this little vignette. The mom could be symbolic of the "self" that oversees this journey between the two worlds, the "psyche police" that keeps the pain on the dark side & the smiles on the light side of the dividing line.

[Luuucy]

Thank you for your review! I will definitely consider your suggestions. You understood it well. When I did have this dream, it was impossible to distinguish the dream life and the reality, because in my head they were both equally true realities.
I never saw the mom that way, but that is a very interesting interpretation. I saw the mom as the only outlet to release the hidden pain but she only sees the happy face. While the internal struggle of the character (me) is the one holding up the two faces and maintaining that division.
You really got me thinking! Thanks again

[barleygirl]

I've heard it said that every entity in a dream is some version of yourself. I wasn't so much critiquing your poem as just saying ideas that it provokes in me, to help you understand the dream better.

[Luuucy]

Oh, don't worry! I was in no way bothered by your comment, I like to see how it speaks in another's point of view, and your interpretation of the meaning helped me better see how it applied to me. Thanks again!

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the ending. You left the reader in proper place. I like poetry that leave the reader with questions and possibilities. This poem did. Dreams aim us at real life problems. Sometime when we bleed and feel alone. We cannot find help and need the support. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Luuucy]

I'm glad you like the ending, I was probably unsure about it because I am still questioning it's meaning. But I see how it is good to end with a question if I am still questioning. Thank you for your review!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like to define bleeding as honest emotions dripping from mind and heart. You are welcome.

[Luuucy]

yeah, that's how i saw it too

[Coyote Poetry]

I have used the word "Bleeding" often. A good words with many ways to be defined.

[Akashi]

This is very detailed, I like your writing style.

[Luuucy]

Thank you!!

[Akashi]

You're welcome :)