As long as

I didn’t want it to heal.

I didn’t want the pain to leave.

I didn’t want it to get better.

I wanted to feel the hurt, the anguish, the razor-sharp beating that accompanied my heart.

I thought that if it stopped hurting that the love would fade.

I didn’t want to hear that there’s something better out there.

I didn't want it if it is, I don’t need it.

All I needed was you.

As long as I had you,

I could deal with my family,

I could cope with the stress,

I could go through with my education.

As long as I had you,

Life wasn’t so bad,

Looking myself in the mirror was doable,

Living was worth it.

As long as I had you,

I could do all these things and more.

I had you,

But the powers that be couldn't leave that alone.

And now,

I don’t have you.