Unrequited

The funny thing will always be I feel safer sharing my feelings with strangers, than with those closest to me. As Carrol said, the self in poetry is not the self others know, it is a deeper self.

I sat across from you at the bar and heard you speak of another man

It turned me to stone at my stool

I retreated, as I always do, into myself and told myself I didn’t truly care

I was too cold, too dead to know a true love, or even infatuation

                            

I can’t count the number of times I’ve lied to myself about you

 

I decided to go.  Thinking the emptying of the beer

And the approaching of the hour to be serendipitous

Then you pulled me to you for a goodbye hug

I have never felt that alive in dichotomy

 

I knew you didn’t want me, you belonged to another, probably dashing figure of which I would be forever envious

And yet, in my heart I hold hope, though ultimately fruitless

I lose my logic around you.  Your smile destroys me

I remember every stolen glance, every fleeting touch

 

I hate that I want you so

 

I am flux.  I am mercury in human form.

I cannot be me, without my pain for you.

So although you want another

I will continue the charade and smile

Dreaming the fantasy of us.

For Chelsea

Reviews

[Am I Human?]

This is lovely, though I feel like you may have been holding back a bit, am I wrong? It resonated with one who has a tragic love ... While we lie to ourselves ... Sometimes the "love" itself is the lie... I'm working through an understanding of this concept with my therapist right now. Thanks to your inspiration, it will feature in my writing. Thank you.

[Kenneth Compton]

I did leave out any commentary on my anger, or loathing (self and otherwise) that arises from such an experience, it wasn't a conscious effort, just didn't seem to fit the flow or serve the point I was trying to convey. Thanks for your review and I wish you luck in your writing, and healing.

[Cole Hayley]

I am flux. I am mercury in human form.
I cannot be me, without my pain for you.

- best line of the day. Incredible, beautifully cryptic. so well done. truly.

[Heather]

The poem was sad, then the dedication at the bottom made it even more heartbreaking. As your other fine reviewers stated, you described this pain so well. I think we all lie to ourselves when it comes to a love we can't have, but desperately want.

[Kenneth Compton]

It had been a long time since I'd been that conflicted by something, and the pain coupled with excitement reminded me I was human. It is unfortunate it takes these kinds of instances to remind us, but I revel in it just the same. Without pain, there is no art after all ;) Thanks for the heartfelt review!

[Audrey Howitt]

Such a painful place to be--and you describe it so very well--

[Kenneth Compton]

Thank you for your encouraging words!