Anodyne Intimacy

song fic (not sure if I should keep or delete the lyrics...) I DO NOT OWN THE SONG THE WORST BY JHENE AIKO

A girl with tan skin and chocolate brown eyes sat, her eyes clouded and her raven black hair covering her face from passerbys. She wasn't concentrated on the now, her concience giving her useless thoughts of someone she'd rather forget. She shook her head of the memories and stood not sure why she agreed to meet at the park after all this time. She stood to walk away, hugging herself due to the sudden breeze that swept pass. Someone yelled her name to wait and she spun around slowly , her expression cleary read 'deer caught in the headlights' as he approached.

Tell me what you say now?

 Tell me what you say

 Come again?

He crouched before her panting,trying to fill his lungs with air greedily. Her gaze swept over him not sure what to do or if she was even sane to have come in the first place. She couldn't help but smile though at the familiar smile that crossed his face from embarassment at being out of breath. She wished she didn't but she missed that smile the smile he only showed around her.

His expression suddenly drew serious as he rose up from his crouch and looked her straight in the eyes. She tried to avert her gaze from them, not being able to look steadily into their hazel depths,trying at the same time to brace herself for whatever he had to say.

"I'm still in love with you" He shot right out

Her eyes widened not having prepared to hear that....especially not after a year had passed...

 If you cannot stay down

 Then you do not have to pretend

 Like there is no way out

She remembered when he first asked her out, she was a junior in highschool and was clumsily crushing on hot guys that paid her the slightest time of day.He had just transfered to her school a few months back and seemed kind of shy in a dorky kind of way. When she first saw him, he had a pair of glasses with no lenses and a beanie to match.

.

He was in her first period and she somewhat talked to him but never really got around to hang out.

So imagine her surprise when he suddenly asked her to go out with him during 7th period. He'd called her out and everything. She remembered his red face and down cast eyes as he stumbled on the words. She couldn't help but say yes heck he was cute and she'd be dumb to reject him.

 I shoulda never let you in

 Cause you got me face down

They hung out a lot after that, he took her out, drove her around, flirted carelessly with her in classes, and  she introduced him to all her friends. When they were alone he was constantly shy, he held a type of smile he only cast when around her and always wanted her to be by his side. However, as his popularity grew  she noticed a change in him.

He grew distant...no longer asked her out on dates, and rarely hung out with her alone. When she met up with him, he seemed to always be surrounded by a flock of girls, two under his arms carelessly. She tried to make it seem like it didn't bother her but the anger and jealosuly that echoed in her eyes appeared bright and visible to her close friends.

They tried to ask him to stop but she told them it was fine, that she could take care of it herself. She tried to confront him but never could work up the nerve. Than one day they were at a party and he was clearly drunk, as he swayed beside her.

"Maybe we should leave, i can drive you home" She offered

"What if i don't want to leave" He breathed out into her ear and grew closer trying to press her against the wall.

"Stop it!" She yelled at him as he tried to grope her.

"You know what i'm sick of this, just get lost!" He growled out as he turned away and grabbed the first girl he saw to make out with.

 And don't take this personal

 But you're the worst

She tried not to cry that day, tried not to let her emotions leak out. She'd meant to turn away and just leave but than she noticed her friend ( a tallish girl with short brown hair that was usually shy) appear, swivel around her and tap his shoulder. He pulled away, the saliva from the stranger and his' kiss being evident of what he was doing.

 She heard the shorter tall girl scream out at him,"You make me sick! Go to hell you as***le!"

She then drew back her fist and clocked him right in the nose. Her other close friend walked over to her and embraced her as much as she could even though the girl was smaller than herself. And before she could stop them the tears spilled down her cheeks and they left all trying to get as far away from the guy who broke her

heart.

 

 You know what you've done to me

 And although it hurts I know

 I just can't keep runnin' away

.

Her vision cleared of the memories and though she was tempted she knew she couldn't keep avoiding him. She'd made up her mind to get through with this and move on. She knew she couldn't do that until this very confrontation happened. She'd avoided it for a year now but she couldn't do it anymore. She didn't want to care for the male before her who hadn't changed.

.

"I don't need you" She heard herself say coldly at him

 I don't need you [x4]

 But I want you

 I don't mean to [x4]

 But I love you

She noted his visible flinch and she felt a pang from within but she pushed through, she would get this off her chest. She needed too otherwise agreeing to meet him here would have been pointless. She may still love the fool but she would get over it... she'd done it before hadn't she?...

 Tell me what you say now

 Tell me what you say?

 You said that you would come again

She watched as he tried to reach out for her but she stepped back, her hands flying up in a stop motion. She could see the confliction that glazed his eyes and the way his fists clenched. She wanted to hear his side of the story. Only after that did she think she could turn away and never look back.

"Just tell me one thing...Why?" She asked and noted the confusion in his eyes

"Why what?"

"Why did you do it? Was it all just a game?" She tried to keep the hitch in her throat from being evident since she knew if she didn't keep herself in check what he shared would make her cry.

"Oh..." She saw his eyes cloud as tried to work up the nerve to share

 You (said) that we would remain friends but

 You know that I do not depend on

 Nothing or no one

When he asked her to meet him, over facebook , at a park they'd gone to together a few times when they wre together he had doubted she would respond. Heck he had already tried to confront her countless times after what he did but she wouldn't give him the time of day. He doubted that he himself would have responded if the roles were in reverse but she did, sending back a little "ok" . He left it at that however as he didn't want to press her further though he yearned to chat with her, to hear her soft voice again even if after today they would  end up as something even less than friends.

 So why would you show up

 So uninvited then

 Just change my mind like that

When he saw he'd been running late to his own meeting he'd high taled it out the front door. Not once stopping for breath though the meeting was at least 10 miles away from his house. He only slowled slightly when he saw her sitting at a swing with a distant look upon her face. He noicted she shhok her head and made move to leave.

.

At that moment panic zapped through him and he shot forward yelling out the nickname he gave her, though he knew he shouldn't have the moment she went stock still. Her slimed down form having stopped in place as she turned towards him slowly, slightly frightened. He hated that he made her feel that way but he couldn't change that, he would never be able to.

 Please don't take this personal

 But you ain't s**t

 And you weren't special

He felt like sh** when he muttered out his feelings without realising it and she replied with a "I don't need you" .Her eyes cold and haunted.He saw the way they flickered briefly with something else but the coldness swept it under the rug. He couldn't blame her coldness and so he restrained his feelings. He hurt her, he had no right to expect anything from her.

 Til I made you so

 You better act like you know

 That I've been through worse than you

 I just can't keep running away

 (But I don't need you)

Don't think he hadn't expected her to ask why he did what he did but that didn't mean he was any more prepared for it himself when she did ask. He still hadn't had the biggest clue what came over him the night he'd destroyed what they had between them but he did know what he'd been doing that led up to it. And for that he had no excuse for his behavior. But he still laid out everything to her. He couldn't keep running away.

 Everybody's like

 He's no item

 Please don't like em

 He don't wife em

 He one nights em

 I never listened

 No

A few months after he'd been dating her and his popularity rose he noticed the ways girls began to look at her with despise. He could see their threatening glares that they threw at her as they walked down the halls hand in hand. He knew if he didn't do something they'd try something. At the time he couldn't think of anything but to be cold to her so that way the girls wouldn't.

He threw upon himself the role of the player, he hid his real emotions and let the girls who found him attractive drape themselves around him. He stayed with her and kept her as his but he made sure that the girls woudn't get jealous and try to hurt his most precious person.

He didn't notice that it was not enough, and yet all too much until they had arrived at their friends party. He'd been indulging himself with just a little time with her but that was when he overheard a group of girls not that far away.

"Who does she think she is?"

"yeah! she's such sl**...hanging herself off him like that!"

"Why don't we spike her drink"

"Yeah let's see if he'll stick  around with her, when she starts throwing herself at him"

At that moment he'd cut their dancing short and lost himself in drinking the punch. Trying to come up with something to do. He wasn't sure when he got drunk but somehow by the time he realized what he was doing he was sporting a bloody nose and the roles of the girls from earliers plan seemed to have become reversed as he was now the one throwing himself onto her and others.

 I shoulda figured though

 All that s**t you was spittin'

 So unoriginal

Her eyes gleamed with a new set of conflictions throughout his story,that by the end  she wasn't sure whether to believe him or not; to feel sorry for him or not; to be thankful for him caring so much for her...It sounded and didn't sound like him at all.... What should she do?

 But it was you

 So I was with it

 Then tell you the truth

 Wish we never did it

They stared at each other for countless minutes, time seeming to fly by, as before she knew it the sun was setting. Her black beanie at some time having slipped off her head and landed on the floor.

Her mouth opened to speak but no sound came out. Part wanted to forgive him and just yearned for his touch but the other was wary and unsure if he spoke the truth.

.

However, before she knew what she was doing she was standing before him and hugging him. She could feel the tears that were leaking from her eyes and the suddden wetness that made the tips of her hair on the left  seem damp. She could feel his presence around her , and when she pulled back to gazed up into his eyes she whispered "I forgive you."

 Cause I usually do

 Stick to the business

 But you came out the blue

 And then you just flipped it

When she made up her mind to come she'd decided  to end their friendship and any other ties there and than. She'd meant to hear his side and then move on in life. She hadn't expected her forgiveness nor the details of his side. She hadn't expected their to be laughter that filled the park as they goofed off and just hung out, the details of what layed between and where this left them now forgotten and put to the side.

 God damn baby

 My mind's blown

 Be forgettin'

 You live in a different time zone

 Think I know what this is

They threw silly faces at eachother as they swung off swings and hid from eachother in a not so correct hide and seek. They talked and caught up with eachother's lives and laughed at the memories they held of eachother. Their current relationship on the back burner along with anything related to it.

.

However they both could feel their inner feelings shining through from just the proxamity of being near eachother. They both knew this encounter was wierd and that their should be at least some awkwardness but they didn't dwell on what they had ,or have, they were just here there. Together.

 It's just the time's wrong

 Yeah I know what you did

 But baby I'm grown

 And my love is patient

 And kind, and s**t

Her grudge died the moment his story ended, she'd never been one to hold  a grudge, she'd be angry,upset and yell but most of the time she knew when to give in. She knew that she could never get over him completely, he knew her more in depth than most, he knew her ups and downs, her flaws and yet accepted them.

 This is real we can build

 Through different types of s**t

 If you was really the realest

Sure they may never try again at the whole relationship thing but she didn't mind, as long as he was at her side through thick and thin; as long as he supported her and she did the same for him she was ok...

 As long as their prides didn't butt in and the world could  move on around them and not dwell on the past they didn't have to either. They could keep their feelings bottled inside and pretend...

 Wouldn't be fightin' it

 I think your pride is just

 In the way

 Funny how everything changed

 Once you got all that you wanted

 Nothing was ever the same

As long as it was with him...

As long as it was with her...

 And though

 I don't need you [x4]

 I still want you

 I don't mean to [x4]

 But I love you

 I don't need you [x4]

 But I want you

 I don't mean to [x4]

 But I love you 

Author's Note

May be some errors though I took care of most of them....pretty fictional not based off a real life event just off the song...tell me if I should delete the lyrics?