I have an illness living inside of me. It swims through my veins, crawls around my rib cage like a serpent. It sleeps in my blood cells and breathes through my skin. It is very slowly devouring my soul. It digs deep down into my mind and buries its seed. It finally has engulfed my body.
It has become me!
My heart thumps vigorously for new encounters.
My eyes want new images to stimulate them.
My feet want to feel like they are alive.
My ears want to hear sounds that make them ring with joy.
I think you chose a great subject (travel), and you accurately describe how it feels to really have a love for it. I know I do, and reading over the 'my heart, my eyes' litany, I found that all of those lines resonated with me.
Overall though, this is a little too simple and 'safe' for me. It seems overly orthodox. The imagery throughout is decent, but I just feel like you could do more with it and express your love of traveling in a way that's more unique. On the other hand, I am still getting to know your style, and maybe this is what you are going for. I do like how you use those exclamatory statements in your work though, it makes it feel very passionate.
I adore this one simply because I can relate. I enjoyed the beginning that seemed to rise out of the a darker place to a lighter more energetic and optimistic one. Also, isn't that why so many travel? To leave a darker place in the hope for a better one? It seemed to end too quickly though, would've loved to read more.
What a clever poem!
You build up all these scary images (I see something like a zombie infection) and it all ends with you loving to travel.
Well done, very well done!
I think you chose a great subject (travel), and you accurately describe how it feels to really have a love for it. I know I do, and reading over the 'my heart, my eyes' litany, I found that all of those lines resonated with me.
Overall though, this is a little too simple and 'safe' for me. It seems overly orthodox. The imagery throughout is decent, but I just feel like you could do more with it and express your love of traveling in a way that's more unique. On the other hand, I am still getting to know your style, and maybe this is what you are going for. I do like how you use those exclamatory statements in your work though, it makes it feel very passionate.
Is this illness contagious? I feel like I have been bitten by the bug after reading this! The way you describe the illness in the first paragraph sounds rather unpleasant. But, in the second paragraph, you explain the symptomolgy, and I realize that maybe this bug is pretty useful. This is solid all the way around. Nicely done.
Wow. Superb poem. I love the structure and the way you have developed the idea. We all have that bug in us, some are just too lazy and scared to let it go free. :)
Hi,
I am 26 and from London. I love writing short stories, poems and novels. My writing is a bit like Jack Kerouac and Ernest Hemingway.
I love reading classic Literature, from Tolstoy to Proust, I .. more..