12 Aspirins and a bottle of scotch

A poem about a cool bar.

 12 Aspirins and a bottle of scotch.

 

 

Torrents of whisky wash away the flavour of nicotine.

Smoke hangs in the air, men drink at a rum soaked bar.

The floor glows like liquid silver from spilt beer.

A match is lit, the flame moves like mercury.

Charlie Parker and Louis Armstrong play jazz throughout the bar.

 

A mature woman drinks an elegant martini, she plays with the

green olives as her blond hair dances to the groove.

A man in the corner chews on a cocktail stick, the aroma of sweet

perfume and musky cologne lingers in the air.

A saxophone is played in the toilet.

Drums beat to the beatniks.

A man in a purple hat flips a coin.

 

Heads or tails?

Heads or tails?

 

Shots of gin are swallowed, rivers of Smoky bourbon flow,

men with goatees and women with custard coloured berets kiss and flirt.

The cool dames and the crazy cats swing all night long.

Sitting in an old brown leather chair

Tom waits writes another

cool jazz song.

 

Reviews

[J.V. Stanley]

This screams 'speakeasy'. Upon reading this I saw the 1920's, not entirely sure if that was your intent or not, but from the way its written, that is what I imagined.

Shots of gin are swallowed, rivers of Smoky bourbon flow,
men with goatees and women with custard coloured berets kiss and flirt.
The cool dames and the crazy cats swing all night long.

Also has a feel of the south to it, New Orleans...
I really love the 'custard coloured berets' impeccable imagery here.

Bravo, my friend. wonderfully penned

[LinBin]

As smooth and rich as a glass of the finest malt whisky, very well done x

[LittleMissSunshine :)]

So many senses are being tickled with your words...I don't say this very often, but bravo.
Only 1 problem: too many cliches.
That's it :) I'd look through and double check for overly-used phrases and terms.
Just my humble opinion.
Excellent first stanza! I couldn't think of a better way to begin this piece. Magnificent...

[Lily Mae]

For me it was a slow seduction of the night..the wants and the maybe's.. smooth as the music being played...xx

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

Perfect imagery, I could hear the music and everything happening without even leaving my seat. Awesome write.

[Writingfox]

Haha i loved reading this! It was bubbly like champagne, intoxicating just like the topic.

[Erica Daubert]

This is wonderful! The title caught me right away. I was so happy to read and see that this was about a jazz bar, I'm very involved in the underground cabaret music scene, this was right up my alley. I felt like I was in this bar, the detailed imagery was extremely vivid. Well done, I'll be sharing this one. Thank you for a great read.

[?]

Awesome poem, even more the discriptions and images.
I agree, felt as this could have been a start of a story. Either way it was great!

[Shy Girl]

I loved your description of the bar. Taking in all of the sights and sounds, scents and even things that we all wouldn't see at a first take. Got a very good feel for the bar as you laid out the image piece by piece. I enjoyed it immensely. :)

Love the poem for it's overall Roaring 20's kinda vibe... you always seem to like to put a little bit of "class" into your poetry it seems.
It almost seems like the kinda setting you would see in New Orleans personally speaking since I live only a few hours away from the place.
As for the meaning, theme, or moral, I think this poem avoids one and rather just runs with a type of scene set up... which it has accomplished. Definitely b***h slaps my comment about details, lol...
To tell the truth there isn't much to criticize when it comes to this poem, and I do praise it for all it's vivid imagery and interactions throughout... perhaps the only thing I really didn't get much was the title and it's relation, but that's no criticism since I usually do the same thing to create some form of dense fog for the reader so he won't expect what he's reading or to highlight the main points of the poem...
Overall: 98/100 is a good deal for this one ^_^ did enjoy it..
(personally, "6 triple C's and a bottle of whiskey" would a cool title being that the experience is trippy and wild)

[Raven Starhawk]

It would be easy to drown away sorrows with pills and booze. I know that it eases pain and misery. Anyway...^^* I liked this poem. The way you let it flow and come to life is incredible.