The Ballad of the scared man

A poem about a soldier.

 

The Ballad of the scared man

 

 

 

The soldier aims his riffle.

 

His cheeks glow red with the cold.

Dried Blood is splattered all over his uniform.

His boots are caked with mud.

The smell of wet grass and gunpowder engulf his senses.

His fingernails are long and dirty.

The soldier sucks in the cold morning air into his lungs.

He closes his tear stained left eye.

 

       The soldier squeezes the trigger.

 

Reviews

[Raven Starhawk]

I actually thought this was a tremendously well done piece. I love reading anything you write anyway so maybe I am just automatically in tune to say that this is brilliant but regardless it is ever so more true that you have a gift for weaving excellent poems.

[Jb]

So much is said in this short poem. Fantastic description. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Daytonight]

The next to the last line clues us in to his feelings. So well done with that! Keep on penning.

[Noa]

Hi!

I think it's wonderful how without the title, you wouldn't guess the soldier is scared, but with the title, it makes so much sense. The fear would strengthen all senses, and he would be aware of all the things you described in this piece. Awesome!

As minor points, there's a typo in rifle (riffle has something to do with water, I think..), a capital in Blood in line 3, and a repetition of 'in' in the line before the last one. I also think that tear-stained might look better with a hyphen in there, but that's personal preference.

Regardless of these (very) minor things, I love what you've written here. Thank you for sharing!
-Noa

[Scandalous]

Amazing work, I felt like I was the one holding the gun, and that's what every reader wants to feel. Great job.

~ Scandalous

[Mauricio Montoya]

Very well written piece, that left me to ponder what war really means.

[Stormii]

WOW.! The imagery of this piece was VERY impressive and at the end I found myself scrolling down looking for more. It's very well written.

[rosemary keogh]

This is brill. A real sence of what a soilder endures. Well written.

[Me]

this is fabulous writing

[Hachamecha]

feel the poem.
this one? can feel the thudding heart, the heavyness...
well written

[paparapapa]

A perfect way to describe a soldier. I can totally picture him in my mind! The details are astounding. Great write. :)